ClydeStyle

Category: Relationships

  • Are you a true believer in love?

    Neil Diamond wrote the song “I’m a believer” in 1966, and the Monkees performed it with Mickey Dolenz as the lead singer. It was a song about falling in love and the assurance of knowing that exact moment when the feeling was birthed.

    It is a great feeling to be in love. Out of all the things in the world that can be experienced, love has to be the best. When someone feels love, it’s like a superpower. You feel like you can do anything! It seems that dreams can become a reality, and all is right with the world.

    In like fashion, it seems that the world comes to an end when love is gone. The feeling of missing love is bitter. The sadness is covetous and touches every part of your life. You can’t eat or sleep, and nothing feels the same.

    This power of love has been misused and is still the deadliest costume to where in that someone can pretend to love you, not love you. Love has been misunderstood as infatuation, like, admiration, and lust.

    There are people who say they love you for what they can get out of you, and love is also used to control you.

    This blog is for those who are really in love. There are no holidays in August, but this is a good time to let your number one love know their position in the universe. Let’s make today, August 19, 2023, the inaugural Lover’s Day. On this day we celebrate love, with the one you love. This day is exclusive — meaning you don’t spend it out in public at a restaurant or movie.

    Lover’s Day is exclusive, and it is only spent mono e mono! It’s an interruption in your daily life to spend quality time alone. It’s a time of reflection, renewal, and rest. It’s a time to express love, enjoy being alive with your love, and enjoy a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual entanglement for 24 hours. There is no need for gifts because YOU are the gift!

    Spread the word!

  • Keep your empathy; give compassion!

    I believe the single greatest thing we need in our country is compassion. We all go through things, and we tend to forget when we see someone else going through things that we’ve been there or have had similar problems.

    If we were more compassionate, we would see laws and policies that would help individuals recover from mistakes instead of just allowing us to waddle in them. What if we did have a country that was set up for everyone to succeed?

    Currently, we have political parties who either want to forget the past as if it didn’t greatly affect our present day and another group that wants to keep those struggling handicapped by offering them a little something for their troubles but not enough to solve anything.

    Compassion has two parts to it. The first is to have a sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress. Then, allow that to motivate your desire to alleviate it. Empathy stops at the first part.

    It is a sad commentary when we have to plead to the world for compassion, but that is the case. We have some people who are really on hard times – some are dealing with self-inflicted wounds, and others were victims of circumstance. To change this, it has to be done individually because the collective republic doesn’t give a damn. So, what can we do to show compassion?

    1) Be a resource to the people around you. People don’t know what they don’t know.

    2) Decide on a certain amount of money you will give away each week and don’t exceed it, but give liberally with it.

    3) Make sure that the people who are closest to you are doing well to the best of your ability. Make sure you are doing well first, then them.

    4) Use your influence to gather partners with you in this crusade. A group of successful people can really make a difference in a community.

    5) Commit to being the voice and an ally for the less fortunate, especially when dealing with the powers that be.

  • For the love of mom

    Not everyone is blessed to have a mother still living. Not everyone was blessed to have their original mom. There were some moms who were overcome by circumstances in life, and there were some moms who died in childbirth.

    Some moms were not good at mothering, while other moms could handle a large classroom of kids. Some mothers could earn a great wage, and others we rich in love. Some mothers are very spiritual, and some are great nurtures.

    But whatever your lot regarding your mother, the honor in the title is still a worthy effort. A good mom is worth more than silver and gold. Praises to all women who step up to the challenge to develop people. As cruel and as wicked as this world can be, mothers have made it bearable.

    God decided to make mothers because he knew we couldn’t naturally develop on our own. He knew how fragile we would be and how much time our minds needed to develop.

    He knew we would always need a cheerleader. We would always need someone in our corner, and we would always need someone who would love us when we weren’t loveable. We needed a defender, a partner, a style coach, a fixer, an encourager, and a protector.

    So this weekend we celebrate our first love! Give honor where it is due and give praise for what is good. It was God who gave your mother. May you forever be thankful for God’s second greatest gift.

  • What to do when love calls? (part 3 of 3)

    The doorbell rings and there is a gentleman caller. He’s well groomed and standing there with a single rose. He greets me with a hug and he smells amazing. The aroma is earthy with a hint of citrus. He’s excited to get where we’re going and he says I will love the surprise. We head out to his car and he opens the door and assists her in getting in. He starts the car and beautiful jazz sounds come from the bose speakers. We’re off and I don’t care what happens next.

    This scenario is a beautiful to a potentially satisfying evening. Two people who are available, drama free and emotionally available to each other. They are both at the stage of life, where they are looking for a partner to share life successes. All the kids are adults and doing well, houses are owned, advancement at work are abundant, and they’re both in the mood for love.

    It is surprising how uncommon this situation is. Typically, one or both partners have a deficiency in life that tends to hinder healthy relationships. If this scenario is closer to your situation, then you are considered blessed. However, there are 5 things that have to be present to assure success in the relationship.

    First, there is honesty. This is a key ingredient to every healthy relationship because you can’t build trust without it. Honesty is being truthful and sincere with your words, actions, and thoughts. What reason would there be for someone to be dishonest in a relationship? There is no reason to be dishonest, and a healthy relationship has no tolerance for dishonesty.

    Second, integrity is acting in a way you know to be right and kind in all situations. This should be a quality that everyone brings to the table, but those who lack the ability to have a healthy relationship see nothing wrong with omitting integrity. This should be another deal breaker.

    Third, respect is treating people, places, and things with kindness. A person who normally lacks in this area starts with not respecting themselves. A good test is to see how this person speaks about their parents. For a female, it’s her dad, and with the son, it’s the mom. These are the people who would be the instructors for your partner, and if they didn’t learn it from them, then they probably don’t know it.

    Fourth is attentive, which means a person who pays close attention to the welfare and well-being of another. This is the quality where a person makes you feel like you really matter. They pay attention when things are not right. They calculate strategies to make you happy. They know how to give their undivided attention and live directly in the moment.

    Last but not least, the person needs to be open minded and have a sense to at least try something once. This brings a freshness to the relationship and the opportunity to explore together and learn what works best for each partner. The world is a big place with lots of customs and rituals that become great learning tools for an adventurous couple.

    These ingredients serve as great starting points for a healthy relationship. So remember to not rush into anything. Relationships should always be a choice.

  • What to do when love calls (part 2 of 3)

    The only thing better than an old relationship is a new relationship, and spring is the time to get it on! (Cue the music)

    We made it through the big holidays, and New Year’s Day is an after thought. Valentine’s Day caught us in our feelings, and we knew it was time for a new love. But the person we met shows a bit of hesitation. They are not as responsive as they were when we first met. Calls are not being returned at the frequency we would like, and it seems that they could go a whole 48 hours without talking.

    Our egos caution us to tread lightly, but we don’t listen. We start to assume that there may be so.e mental health challenges with this person after all, how could they not jump on this relationship opportunity?

    At this point, we really should back off and allow the relationship to advance itself organically. That means that if it is supposed to happen, it will without any coaching for either party. We have to leave room for there to be a problem that actually has nothing to do with us.

    Everybody has a past. Good, bad, and ugly. There are things that have happened in previous relationships that we need to heal from and get over. Imagine meeting someone whose previous relationship was with a controlling narcissist. They will have been bullied, controlled, lied on, made to feel unimportant and gaslighted.

    As a result, anything you attempt to do by way of being overbearing will be a trigger. They will be very sensitive to this feeling and will retreat at the first sign. Also, God made us all unique, so what worked in the previous relationship won’t necessarily work in the new one. Another mistake is to try and be intimate with someone too song. This can be a direct turnoff, especially if sex was an issue in the previous relationship.

    The best advice for starting a new relationship is to allow the natural development of the new relationship. That means that the nature of the relationship will dictate its type. You may want it to turn into your next spouse, and all the person is looking for is a friend. You may desire a friend with benefits, but the person wants a soul mate. We need to be diligent and kind to each other. We cannot control how another person feels — to do such is juvenile.

  • Don’t end up an April fool!

    April Fools Day has been around for centuries, in fact, some historians date back as far as 1563 in France when they switched calendars making their New Year during the Spring equinox which was around April 1st instead of January 1.

    Some citizens apparently didn’t get the memo and missed the new New Year celebration and were called April Fools for that.

    Today a good ole’ April Fool is a person who is credulous or easily persuaded to believe something. Gullible. For some reason, the biggest April Fool ends up being the person who thought that he or she met the love of their life only to find out the other person didn’t feel the same.

    This would happen in the Spring because that’s the best time for new love I guess. But sadly the April showers are coming from more than just rain clouds. This can really send someone over the edge. We do not handle rejection well especially when we were the biggest fool in the scenario.

    Well, here are the top 5 things you can do to not end up an April Fool. 1) Don’t be so anxious for love — desperation is not a good look. 2) Dating is like a poker game — you NEVER show your cards! 3) Be honest with your feelings — let the other person know how you feel. A good person will not want to purposefully hurt you. 4) Read the sign properly — non-verbal cues will let you know if the person is interested. They will invade your space, laugh at all your jokes and initiate communication. 5) Rush nothing; allow things to be organic. What is meant to be will be.

  • These three words: I got you!

    In these troubled times in which we live, there are three words other than I love you that bring healing to the soul, warmth to the heart, and comfort to the mind and that is the words: I got you!

    It’s so simple, yet very meaningful and like the phrase “I love you”, “I got you” has to be used only when you mean it! We are not talking just good intentions here folks. I got you should always be spoken with great confidence and an assurance by the user that heaven and earth will pass away but these words will linger.

    All good dads have this phrase locked and loaded for their families. There is nothing like the securer of the house giving the smackdown on trouble by letting the offspring know this phrase is for them.

    The love of a good mother begins with this phrase. Moms are known for making the impossible happen and coming through in a pinch! Even in the animal kingdom, the female of the species wears the phrase like a budget. Just try to take a lion cub from his mom.

    You can learn a lot about the character of a person by how careful they are with this phrase. This world needs many more people who can open up a can of “I got you” and produce a meal that heals.

    Honor the people in your life who live by this phase and if you find your present company lacking, just know that you deserve better!

  • Oh boy, here comes another Valentine’s Day

    Don’t get me wrong — there is nothing wrong with the concept of Valentine’s Day. I mean how could celebrating your sweetie be a bad thing?

    Couples across the nation will celebrate this holiday having dinner, buying gifts, getting all dolled up to make this night special and to renew or refresh their relationship. So why do we need a holiday for that? We need a holiday to tell us not to fight and argue with each other? We need a holiday to tell us we should be nice and not take our partners for granted? We need a holiday to make up?

    Shouldn’t all of these things happen organically? The holiday means nothing if the behaviors and activities on that day don’t match the rest of the year. It’s a miserable life if you need a reminder to do these things. You’re living too fast! You need to set a new pace that allows you to enjoy the things in life that really matter.

    Happily married couples or mature dating partners don’t even celebrate the holiday because chances are they did whatever people celebrating the holiday did yesterday or last weekend. What they do is stay home and make jokes about all the couples out spending money, buying flowers that cost twice as much as they did last weekend, eating at expensive restaurants and making social media posts to prove their love to each other.

    Tammi Terrell and Marvin Gaye sang a song called “Ain’t nothing like the real thing”. It’s worth a listen not just because it’s a great song but it reminds us what it’s like to yearn for someone and truly be in love. It’s a reminder that life is like a vapor that appears for just a little while and then vanishes away.

    Valentine’s Day is a holiday for the folks that don’t have a good grasp on the concept of relationships. It’s for all the newbies who are still trying to figure it out because the faithful don’t celebrate it, they live it!

  • Resolution over already???

    It is not uncommon to have ended your resolutions prematurely. Most who make resolutions fail to see them through. They were made with good intentions I’m sure but either poor planning, lack of desire, or it was too difficult, we start them and it doesn’t take long to snap back into last year’s habits.

    Don’t beat yourself up about it. In most cases it really just means you must take smaller steps. No one’s humanity enjoys cold turkey resolutions. You have to start somewhere so that needs to be something easier to handle.

    Many people are seeking to lose weight and for many it is because of health problems or to avoid future problems. You know you need to lose weight but do you really want to? All resolutions look good on paper, but in your heart of hearts is that really what you want?

    If you are 40 and you have been big all of your life, how long do you think it will take to get small? Definitely not likely in a year because the discipline is not there. And without professional help and support network — forget it!

    The bigger question is what do you do now? Do you try again? Do you select something easier? Do you even have to have a resolution??

    Someone planted a seed which said that if you are not moving forward then there is something wrong with you. We are all supposed to strive to be the be person we can be — who said we had to do that?

    Maybe your resolution should be all about making your own decisions. You should decide what happiness is for you. You should decided what type of lifestyle you want and live it! It is when we are trying to change for other people is where it becomes problematic.

    Love yourself enough to make small changes in your life to improve your well-being but don’t become obsessed. How you look, your job status and your bank account should not be our measuring sticks! Our character, integrity and servant hood should be the standard of person we become.

    Children are looking at us and they will take on our trials and tribulations. They need to be taught what is right as defined by you (I mean they are your kids). You control their level of involvement with social media and the greed of this society. You can choose to be different and raise children that will be productive citizen and not self-absorbed mini me’s that struggle each year with resolutions because they think they are not enough. Balance is key!

  • How much control do you think you have?

    Control is defined as the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events. If life was a card game then our biggest bluff would be pretending to have power.

    Control is something we all know exists and we have all been the victims of someone controlling us. There are many things that we desire in our flesh that become entrapment for control. People try to control us with jobs — especially promotions; sex; money; expensive items; and even reputations.

    Some times we come across people who have such a “poker face” or a demeanor that demands respect that we surrender our controls to them even sometimes without even realizing it.

    Truth is that there is only one power. You guessed it: God our father is the only power (authority) and so when we talk about control we are speaking authority and this comes from God. Now, some folks have taken false liberties in the interpretation of Romans 13:1-2 is saying that all power is from God and you must obey the higher powers. The translation is better render we should obey all powers that surrender to God for they are of God. It’s understood in the text as of course Paul would have never told us to follow a blind leader or one who only seeks vain glory for himself.

    The God of heaven is the only authority and he doesn’t want to be blindly followed. For biblical leaders, we were always told to support them who have spoken to us the word of God and whose faith follows (their actions) (Heb. 13:7).

    So then reputation, demeanor, temperament and lifestyle have everything to do with your precieved power. It seems as though people are always looking to follow. The manner of person you are will determine the influence you have and how many people will follow you. If you want to be impactful, you must seek to lead a life that is concurrent with the teachings of scripture.

    God is always raising a few good men and women to work in his kingdom and effect the world. Are you one of those leaders?