ClydeStyle

Blog

  • Please, allow crazy to be crazy!

    As mental health awareness month comes to a close, I want to encourage everyone to empty your lives of as much drama and craziness as possible. You have been carrying it or them for too long!

    There are some lives that follow social norms and others that don’t. Although anyone can experience a trial or tribulation at any time, it seems that the more logical thinking people tend to avoid strife better.

    As for others, drama seems to follow bad decision making. It also follows bad relationships. Have you ever met someone who loves to argue? And they argue about everything. There are extreme in their thinking, they have a sense of entitlement, and they don’t seem to be happy unless they are trying to control you!

    These same people masquerade as our friend until things don’t go their way. We waste a lot of time trying to apply logic to these relationships to no avail. These people are not logical, so no logic can be used in dealing with them.

    Now, I realize that some of these people are relatives, and you’re wondering how can you abandon the family? Well, how can you keep strife around?

    My professional advice is to give these illogical people some time to miss you. Don’t make a big production about it, just easy up on your availability. You will find that living with less stress is worth it.

    A Yale University study found that chronic stress can shorten your life. Also, researchers from the Finnish Institute for Health and Welfare calculated the effects of multiple risk factors, including lifestyle-related ones, to the life expectancy of men and women and found that  being under heavy stress shortens your life by 2.8 years.

    Further research has shown that overreacting, constantly worrying, and living in a state of perpetual anxiety can reduce life expectancy.

    So for this cause, when someone proves to lack judgment and  be a destruction to their own life, you owe it to yourself to allow them to just be.

  • Have gun, will travel

    This phrase from the 50s is all about being ready to do anything. There was even a show about it back then, but the makers of this show would have never imagined that their callous attitude about the use of guns would be trumped by the views held currently about gun use.

    I wonder how many folks believe the founding fathers were thinking of automatic weapons when they wrote in the constitution for us to have the right to bear arms?

    What is more scary is that in recent months, there have been some really senseless shootings. There have been people shot for going to the wrong house, getting in the wrong car, standing around doing nothing, and going to a sweet 16 party. It seems as though the school shootings, church shootings, and other mass shootings are old news.

    Have we gotten bored with shootings?

    And then, Congress can’t seem to find the courage to solve this very simple problem. The answer is not as easy as changing gun laws or even outlawing certain guns because there are too many guns available.

    If we take the position that we all have to die of something or you feel that as long as it is not your kid getting shot, then who cares? It is easy to see how votes can be purchased for a price, and the NRA has deep pockets. Their average spending is around 3.2 million per year, buying the votes of senators and other law makers.

    The level of hypocrisy has to stop. Clearly, the answer will not come on a federal level. It has to take place state by state. Local organizing is the answer, and the time to do it is now. Have political power, will travel!

  • For the love of mom

    Not everyone is blessed to have a mother still living. Not everyone was blessed to have their original mom. There were some moms who were overcome by circumstances in life, and there were some moms who died in childbirth.

    Some moms were not good at mothering, while other moms could handle a large classroom of kids. Some mothers could earn a great wage, and others we rich in love. Some mothers are very spiritual, and some are great nurtures.

    But whatever your lot regarding your mother, the honor in the title is still a worthy effort. A good mom is worth more than silver and gold. Praises to all women who step up to the challenge to develop people. As cruel and as wicked as this world can be, mothers have made it bearable.

    God decided to make mothers because he knew we couldn’t naturally develop on our own. He knew how fragile we would be and how much time our minds needed to develop.

    He knew we would always need a cheerleader. We would always need someone in our corner, and we would always need someone who would love us when we weren’t loveable. We needed a defender, a partner, a style coach, a fixer, an encourager, and a protector.

    So this weekend we celebrate our first love! Give honor where it is due and give praise for what is good. It was God who gave your mother. May you forever be thankful for God’s second greatest gift.

  • May is mental health awareness month

    The month of May has been designated as the time that mental health professionals share and discuss nearly 300 mental disorders that are listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

    America still has not accepted the fact that our nation is mentally sick and there is just so much that a person can take. Many other civilized nations have already begun to consider their citizens and have created laws that make counseling available and even mandatory in some cases.

    China, Italy, Japan, Canada, Australia, France, and Germany are among the leading countries who have decided to make mental health more than a talking point and have made laws in the best interest of its citizenry.

    A mental illness is a health problem that affects mood, thought, behavior, or perception. It would affect a person’s ability to function at work, in relationships, or in things you do every day.

    There are many disorders. People are suffering from mood disorders like depression; anxiety disorders; personality disorders; psychotic disorders; eating disorders; trauma-related disorders; and substance abuse disorders. The saddest part is that there are many folks in prison who were arrested for committing a crime associated with a disorder. In America, we put people like this in jail instead of giving them the help that they need.

    What’s worse is that we allow folks suffering with a mental health disorder access to automatic weapons.

    We need to continue to solicit our government to make policies that help those suffering from mental health issues and not ostracize them in our society. May is the month to make us more aware. Will you do your part?

  • What to do when love calls? (part 3 of 3)

    The doorbell rings and there is a gentleman caller. He’s well groomed and standing there with a single rose. He greets me with a hug and he smells amazing. The aroma is earthy with a hint of citrus. He’s excited to get where we’re going and he says I will love the surprise. We head out to his car and he opens the door and assists her in getting in. He starts the car and beautiful jazz sounds come from the bose speakers. We’re off and I don’t care what happens next.

    This scenario is a beautiful to a potentially satisfying evening. Two people who are available, drama free and emotionally available to each other. They are both at the stage of life, where they are looking for a partner to share life successes. All the kids are adults and doing well, houses are owned, advancement at work are abundant, and they’re both in the mood for love.

    It is surprising how uncommon this situation is. Typically, one or both partners have a deficiency in life that tends to hinder healthy relationships. If this scenario is closer to your situation, then you are considered blessed. However, there are 5 things that have to be present to assure success in the relationship.

    First, there is honesty. This is a key ingredient to every healthy relationship because you can’t build trust without it. Honesty is being truthful and sincere with your words, actions, and thoughts. What reason would there be for someone to be dishonest in a relationship? There is no reason to be dishonest, and a healthy relationship has no tolerance for dishonesty.

    Second, integrity is acting in a way you know to be right and kind in all situations. This should be a quality that everyone brings to the table, but those who lack the ability to have a healthy relationship see nothing wrong with omitting integrity. This should be another deal breaker.

    Third, respect is treating people, places, and things with kindness. A person who normally lacks in this area starts with not respecting themselves. A good test is to see how this person speaks about their parents. For a female, it’s her dad, and with the son, it’s the mom. These are the people who would be the instructors for your partner, and if they didn’t learn it from them, then they probably don’t know it.

    Fourth is attentive, which means a person who pays close attention to the welfare and well-being of another. This is the quality where a person makes you feel like you really matter. They pay attention when things are not right. They calculate strategies to make you happy. They know how to give their undivided attention and live directly in the moment.

    Last but not least, the person needs to be open minded and have a sense to at least try something once. This brings a freshness to the relationship and the opportunity to explore together and learn what works best for each partner. The world is a big place with lots of customs and rituals that become great learning tools for an adventurous couple.

    These ingredients serve as great starting points for a healthy relationship. So remember to not rush into anything. Relationships should always be a choice.

  • What to do when love calls (part 2 of 3)

    The only thing better than an old relationship is a new relationship, and spring is the time to get it on! (Cue the music)

    We made it through the big holidays, and New Year’s Day is an after thought. Valentine’s Day caught us in our feelings, and we knew it was time for a new love. But the person we met shows a bit of hesitation. They are not as responsive as they were when we first met. Calls are not being returned at the frequency we would like, and it seems that they could go a whole 48 hours without talking.

    Our egos caution us to tread lightly, but we don’t listen. We start to assume that there may be so.e mental health challenges with this person after all, how could they not jump on this relationship opportunity?

    At this point, we really should back off and allow the relationship to advance itself organically. That means that if it is supposed to happen, it will without any coaching for either party. We have to leave room for there to be a problem that actually has nothing to do with us.

    Everybody has a past. Good, bad, and ugly. There are things that have happened in previous relationships that we need to heal from and get over. Imagine meeting someone whose previous relationship was with a controlling narcissist. They will have been bullied, controlled, lied on, made to feel unimportant and gaslighted.

    As a result, anything you attempt to do by way of being overbearing will be a trigger. They will be very sensitive to this feeling and will retreat at the first sign. Also, God made us all unique, so what worked in the previous relationship won’t necessarily work in the new one. Another mistake is to try and be intimate with someone too song. This can be a direct turnoff, especially if sex was an issue in the previous relationship.

    The best advice for starting a new relationship is to allow the natural development of the new relationship. That means that the nature of the relationship will dictate its type. You may want it to turn into your next spouse, and all the person is looking for is a friend. You may desire a friend with benefits, but the person wants a soul mate. We need to be diligent and kind to each other. We cannot control how another person feels — to do such is juvenile.

  • What to do when love calls (part 1 of 3)

    Spring is here, and at least in the fairy tales, it means love is in the air. The environment tells us that it’s spring with the addition of new growth, leaves beginning to return, and the weather changes. Animals are feeling that special kind of way toward their mates, and soon, they will produce new growth.

    There is no escaping that fact that spring is here, and love is in the air. But when love comes calling for you, what do you do?

    Well, that depends on what stage of life you are in and whether or not in the inside you have healed from life’s challenges or you’re still wounded.

    How do you know you’re broken? In therapy there is a concept called the wounded inner child. The wounded inner child gets bruised in bad relationships. Many of us live with pain from various sources. Spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. Simply to just love someone presents pain of some type.

    The reason is normally when we enter a relationship we tend to have expectations on the other individual, and we don’t always share it. They then respond in a way that we don’t like and the guilt we feel from putting the expectations on them in the first place gets the best of us. So because of that we are not honest about how we really feel. When we’re young is easy to let these things build up. We become professionals at hiding our true feelings. Unfortunately, after decades of this behavior, we become bitter — and then someone dies or the relationship finally runs its course.

    The person left in this scenario is broken, and for them to attempt to enter into another relationship prematurely does not allow the inner child to heal.

    Another fact is that the person who wants the new relationship always thinks they can help with this project. They cannot. Our egos allow us to believe that we are the best solution for whatever the problem is, and our loneliness is off to the side co-signing it.

    The best solution here is to wait. Wait to reflect. Wait to heal. Wait to see what God says. You should never rush into a relationship. That is never necessary. If the relationship is worth it, it can survive the wait.

  • Is the resurrection still relevant?

    Every year, Christians around the world will celebrate everything associated with Easter. Many will go to church, kill the fattest calf, and lay out an Easter dinner fit for a king – all in memory of the King of kings and Lord of lords.

    Although it is not a holy holiday (none of them are), the tradition of Easter has been blended with Spring traditions, and this is where the Association of Easter eggs comes from. It is said to have been started in Germany where the symbol of eggs carry the thought of new life which happens in the Spring.

    Biblically, the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the focal point. But the question today is how relevant is the resurrection?

    Does it matter that Christ died for the sins of the world? How is that shown to matter in your life? What of all the power that accompanied his resurrection which we have access to today — does that matter.

    What of the idea that eternal life is now available to all who believe and are obedient to his calling? To be called a Christian society, we do a horrible job of showing the power of the resurrection in our lives. There are just too many things we don’t care about! Some could care less about abortions. Others care less about school or mass shootings. Still, others never say anything about police brutality or the killing of unarmed back men.

    We don’t care about those with views different from ours. It’s a big “so what” that there are people falsely imprisoned. And of course, not many seem to be too concerned with homelessness, veterans’ rights, and those struggling with mental health issues.

    If the resurrection matters, then we need to use it to resurrect a few of the societal problems we face and solve them for those who suffer. Christ suffered on a cross so we wouldn’t have to. We need to return the favor to those less fortunate.

  • Don’t end up an April fool!

    April Fools Day has been around for centuries, in fact, some historians date back as far as 1563 in France when they switched calendars making their New Year during the Spring equinox which was around April 1st instead of January 1.

    Some citizens apparently didn’t get the memo and missed the new New Year celebration and were called April Fools for that.

    Today a good ole’ April Fool is a person who is credulous or easily persuaded to believe something. Gullible. For some reason, the biggest April Fool ends up being the person who thought that he or she met the love of their life only to find out the other person didn’t feel the same.

    This would happen in the Spring because that’s the best time for new love I guess. But sadly the April showers are coming from more than just rain clouds. This can really send someone over the edge. We do not handle rejection well especially when we were the biggest fool in the scenario.

    Well, here are the top 5 things you can do to not end up an April Fool. 1) Don’t be so anxious for love — desperation is not a good look. 2) Dating is like a poker game — you NEVER show your cards! 3) Be honest with your feelings — let the other person know how you feel. A good person will not want to purposefully hurt you. 4) Read the sign properly — non-verbal cues will let you know if the person is interested. They will invade your space, laugh at all your jokes and initiate communication. 5) Rush nothing; allow things to be organic. What is meant to be will be.

  • The power of our integrity

    The division we face in this world is directly related to our integrity. Let me explain. Integrity is the state of being whole and undivided. Our divisions come from a response to what is happening and the blaming of opposing sides.

    For example, Republicans are convinced that President Joe Biden is bad for America. A growing population believes the Republicans are holding back our country. Depending on what side you fall on, you will pick up the disagreements where they left off. You will be outraged because they are. You will play out their thoughts with your aggression as we saw at the insurrection on Jan. 6.

    Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. It’s moral uprightness. You see, this allows me to maintain my moral integrity even when my favorite party goes rogue.

    Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris ran on a platform that promised to improve our criminal justice system. Now they could still do something but the fact that it’s not even being discussed is disappointing. Further, under this administration, we are doing more for Ukrainian refugees than we are for American citizens who are struggling. Congress recently passed legislation that allows Ukrainian refugees to collect social security benefits — to the tune of more than two grand per person in the household.

    Social security is a system that the beneficiaries have paid into over time. This would mean that our hard-earned dollars are going to help them and not the folks that it was intended. And neither party has solved the problem of making sure all eligible veterans receive their benefits. There are too many who are homeless.

    Integrity is the element that should stop a person from grabbing a firearm and harming innocent folks! If you cannot look at the various arguments without losing your cool, you have an Integrity problem.

    What Dr. Martin Luther King was trying to do with the civil rights movement was take people with integrity to look at society’s problems systemically and find nonviolent ways to solve such problems. He was quite successful in doing that.

    Today America needs an integrity check and begin to solve its problems in the best interest of all people. If not, we will destroy ourselves from the inside.