ClydeStyle

Tag: Accountability

  • Our mass shootings are home grown

    Every time there is a mass shooting eventual the conversation turns to something being done about mental health. But nobody is really talking about making meaningful mental health legislation no more than a person who hits themselves in the head and says, “I could have had a V8?” — they didn’t mean that either!

    You see, America has always needed to take mental health serious. The founding father weren’t smart enough to consider the effects life would have on people through just living it. Our country was birthed after the Revolutionary War. Before the flag could get used to flying in the sky, it was layer more across caskets. We tried to morn but the puritanical concepts we labored under would encourage you to be strong as defined by keeping a “stiff upper lip!” No time for weeping, crying was a sign of weakness and to carry on with grief beyond the funeral did not fit the societal norm.

    As a result we kept things to ourselves and turned our anger inward. This caused a great silent depression in the US. Our solution: Medication! We tried to take pills for everything. Fast forward to today and we now have an extremely angry, entitled, spoiled, immature nation who uses privileges so prideful that will can kill without remorse. And the killers aren’t old people, retired vets, abused middle aged folks — it’s kids! They haven’t even been here long enough to be so angry — yet they are.

    Our society creates these characters. I know I always thought that America was invincible because we spend much money on defense to protect the outside of us. We never invest on the inside so that’s where our cancer grows.

    Our country will never starve itself to death. Nor be wiped out by a disease. We won’t lack water or any other resource — we will just neglect ourselves to death. America is the largest ocean, but it’s citizenship lives in aquariums.

  • If only it were that easy

    Christianity suffers from unbelief. There are many who profess a relationship with God outwardly but in their hearts they have not surrendered. Have you ever heard phrases like, “I’m just trusting in the Lord”; “God knows my heart”; “I’m not religious, I’m spiritual!”? These used to be the words of the religious, but have now become as empty in meaning as the hearts of the sayer is from God.

    Strong words. I know, but it just seems like a person who loved the Lord in their heart would want to be pleasing to him. God expects that his people will practice loving each other, help people in need and worship him with their lives. Now you don’t have to go to a church to do those things, but going to church has its purpose.

    Allow me to be religious for a moment — in the book of Acts, chapter 2:42-47 Luke, the physician, writes that after baptism the new believers continued in the apostles teaching and fellowshipped together daily. He spoke of them being glad together and having singleness of heart. And it was in this backdrop that the Lord added to the church daily. You see, God expects for his people to form a community of believers that would then go into various other communities and consume them. The church is designed to function like a kingdom. And that kingdom would fulfill the prophecy from Daniel 2:44.

    It’s hard to build the relationship that would glorify God when the system he established is not being utilized. Now I am fully aware that some institutions of religion are so blended with tradition that it doesn’t look like anything God created but none the less, there is a mandate to not forsake the assembling of ourselves together.

    The problem here is much like funerals these days — everyone goes to heaven. I’ve never seen a funeral where the expectation was that the dead would be tormented. No matter what lifestyle was lived, we ignore bible mandates and decide that death for everyone means we are all heaven bound.

    Not only is that not true but it is a pretty good reason why as a society we are so callus about God. Let us live lives that serve a creator who is worthy of our worship. Let’s honor him in our comings and goings because it is because of him that we move and live and have our very being!

  • Disorder danger

    In an effort to provide helpful information for families dealing with trauma, I want to discuss dissociative disorders today. It is very important when parenting to provide a literal safe-haven for your children. Home life should be care-free, loving, supportive and encouraging. It should be a place where your children can feel safe and secure from harm and be able to escape the pressures and worries of life. They need to be a part of an environment that is designed with them in mind.

    Normally at the beginning of their life we make sure the house is safe — especially as they become toddlers and begin to walk. We put things in place so they won’t get hurt. We lock cabinets and plug outlets to ensure safety and we try and have them follow a route everyday so they know what to expect and there are very minimal surprises. As they get older we stop thinking so much about their safety and docus more on their independence. Well, dissociative disorders are mental disorders that involve experiencing a disconnection and lack of continuity between thoughts, memories, surroundings, actions and identity. People with dissociative disorders escape reality in ways that are involuntary and unhealthy and cause problems with functioning in everyday life.

    The cause has to do with trauma normally in their youth. It could be natural disasters, death of a loved one, molestation, physical, emotional or sexual abuse or even war. Because personal identity is still forming during childhood, a child is more able than an adult to step outside of himself or herself and observe trauma as though it’s happening to a different person. A child who learns to dissociate in order to endure a traumatic experience may use this coping mechanism in response to stressful situations throughout life.

    The adult version of this gets worse. The disconnect from emotions starts and is stimulated by stress. Memory loss, a perception of the people and things around you as distorted and unreal and a blurred sense of identity. Significant stress or problems in your relationships, work or other important areas of your life and an inability to cope well with emotional or professional stress. And of course mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors will manifest itself in adulthood.

    It’s not all do and gloom though because psychotherapy and or medication have proven to be extremely successful treatments. If we could only move the stigma of mental health counseling being a negative, more people could get help. This condition effects every part of adult life and it makes relationships very difficult. The result end with people seeking alternative ways of dealing with the disorders. They self medicate, use drugs, having eating disorders and major depression.

    There is help available and the people suffering with this disorder are not alone. Seek professional help or visit http://www.clydestyle.org for answers. I am here for you!

  • Enough is enough: To live by the sword is to die by the sword

    You know, I wasn’t going to say anything about the mass shootings. I was hoping that lawmakers would develop a conscience and do the right thing for the people — atleast that’s what Democracy is supposed to be about. A system of government that is by the people and for the people.

    Clearly everyone sees this as a problem. We have had well over 200 mass shootings this year. Mass shooting is defined by the number of people killed. Somewhere, someone came up with the idea that if atleast 4 people get shot, they don’t have to die, it constitute a mass shooting. And we specialize in them.

    Congress has the task of representing “we the people” and sadly the interest of the people is not the interest of Congress. This is not a new problem as lobbying groups and corporate special interest tend to rule our country with the almighty dollar. Part of congress believes that a good guy with a gun trumps a bad guy with a gun. Clearly that’s not the case.

    There were 19 small town officers in Uvalde at the school harassing parents. They must have been afraid to go in so chances are more kids were killed than should have been. There have been copycat shooters in other states while Congress tries to figure out what to do. Our system is failing.

    Meanwhile, Canada is strengthening it’s gun laws because it is the right thing to do. Some countries, like Japan, decided that they had outgrew handguns and following a mass shooting in 1989, the country decided to band guns from their society.

    If America was not so greedy we could solve the gun problem. We have become masters at making money off the suffering of others. A statement needs to be made at the voting polls. What are you prepared to do?

  • The crisis of meaning

    With all the things that have happened since 2020 begin from the beginning of the pandemic to election issues and challenges with democracy, to job creation, gas prices, police shootings and the war in Ukraine, it’s befitting that some folks would start questioning everything and having doubts about who they are, the meaning of life and overall purpose. If you are serious about life, maturity will bring you to this point where you begin to wonder whether or not you have the correct understanding of things or that you really believe what you were told growing up.

    This feeling is difficult. It’s where you begin to search for what life really means to you. This can even be dangerous at times because for some the thought process spirals out of control to the point where they actually believe in their heart that the world would be a better place without them. Some begin to suffer severe depression based on their new found discoveries about life or themselves. This is the time when reality becomes real.

    It seems that tragedy brings about these thoughts. It normally happens when you feel the world around you is closing in on you. Things begin the change around you too fast and for a long time you have not been happy. There is a word for this. It is called an existential crisis.

    Formally, in psychology and psychotherapy, existential crises are inner conflicts characterized by the impression that life lacks meaning. These conflicts will keep you up at night. They will also make you cry, feel depressed and even betrayed.

    The year is halfway over and depending how 2022 has treated you, you might find yourself dealing with this now. If you are I want to give you some tips to make it through successfully. The first thing is you need someone who you trust. This is a person who will keep your confidence and is a good listener. You DO NOT need someone to tell you want to do or what to think — this was probably the problem in the beginning. You need a guide. This would be someone who you believe is living the life you hope to have. It’s an experienced person so they wouldn’t necessarily be in your age range. Look to the immediate generation ahead of you.

    You also must be honest about your feelings. I had a client that discovered that she had quite a few relatives who were racist and that she hated those views but was conflicted because these were family members she loved. Their views were not her views but since they had the same DNA she felt that she must be racist too. It took us some time but she discovered she could pick and choose the parts of her family she loved and hated and for her to remain balanced, she had to speak out against the behavior she hated and embrace the person with love.

    The final stage is to take your time. The process could take months or years to complete. You will make progress along the way but it should not be rushed and the purpose of it all is for you to become a better you!

  • The myth of making up lost time

    There are some folks who believe that they can make up time. They kick up a lot of dirt to make it look like something is happening and then there is nothing.

    You cannot make up time, all you can do is try to let it get lost. How does it happen? Neglect, poor planning, ignorance, slothfulness and anger are a few habitual contributors to the lost of time. Human error is always the problem and the fix for it does not occur in the midst of more time. It comes in post production where the time correction is discovered and made known to all who are involved.

    What needs to happen is the one who is responsible for losing the time needs to acknowledge such and make preparations to never allow it to happen for the same reason again.

    You cannot make up time no more than you can unsee a tragedy. We attempt to try and make it up because we all see and can relate to the unfairness of it all. It’s a permanent action that leaves a permanent scare. There are children who are struggling because they were cheated out of time. There are people stuck in relationships that have been nothing but a big waste of time. There are people who have gotten divorced and the circumstances were not favorable to all parties so someone has been purged of time. Companies have tons of lazy employees that such the business dry of time. There are teachers who are tired and disgruntled who are stealing quality time from our kids.

    People have died too early or too late. So called friends have wasted our time as well. Pastors are wasting time and social media is a waste of time. When we die, it would be a shamed to look back at your life and realize that if you had back all the time you wasted you would be alive for another decade. A recent university study confirmed that humans waste 21.8 hours a week. This seems like a really bad waste of life. So instead of trying to redeem the time, we need to focus on the present and what is to come instead of what’s lost in the past.

  • Self-check time!!!

    I don’t know anybody who likes to be proven wrong. I mean imagine going full throttle in the wrong direction or with the wrong understanding. Some of us are really bold with this. Now there are a couple of different types of people who do this. The first is the one who cannot admit that they were wrong. They put themselves out their so far and look so ridiculous attempting to act like nothing happen.

    Then we have the type that becomes angry and violent once they realize they looked stupid. They will through a temper tantrum to deal with the embarrassment of sticking their foot in their mouth. Next is the type that blames others for their mistakes. They will quickly play the blame game as soon as they feel the consequences of their actions.

    Finally, there is a type that acts like it never happened. They just don’t ever speak of it hoping that it will go away. These types wouldn’t have to exist if we all did a self check. We need to make sure that the information we use to make decisions is correct. We have to be more accountable on the front end to save integrity on the back end. You must ask do I have all of the facts? Am I seeing the full picture? Are my sources credible? Am I emotional involved in this decision? Can I live with the outcome?

    It is definitely worth the time to get the facts straight. In addition we need to surround ourselves with people who would give us the truth. And above every thing else, we need to learn how to give a genuinely sincere apology — people heal faster that way.

  • What does the Resurrection mean to you?

    This is one of two times of the year where people are willing to engage in conversation about religion (Christmas time is the other one). There is much history and liturgy surrounding this time of the year and millions are comfortable practicing their faith. But outside of these two times of the year, what effect does the resurrection really have on those who believe?

    In America we have created in recent years cancel culture. This is the time where we use social media to shut people down when we don’t agree with them or we don’t like what they say or an action they did. In the this culture no one gets a second chance. In this culture, the majority get to play God and judge the actions of others as if they have no sin.

    It just seems that if we believe and practice the celebration of the resurrection because it actually means that our God has made a way for us through belief in his son which also means we get another chance. God extends his grace to us and we extend cancel culture to others — something is really wrong with that.

    So this brings the question of what does the resurrection really mean to us? In response to the resurrection shouldn’t we be will to offer the best version of ourselves for Godly things? Shouldn’t we want to give the best of our gifts for God’s cause? Because of the resurrection and the power that comes with it, shouldn’t we be changing the world for the better? Maybe that last question is not fair because for centuries we have controlled our use of God. Meaning that our constitution was written with a biblical backdrop. But if that’s true, how could slavery ever exist? If we really understood God’s economy then we would have created opportunity for all and would have made sure no families were left in poverty.

    I could go on but the point is clear: God has to mean more to the believer than two quick acknowledgements throughout the year and begin living in the resurrection– that means your personal life will add meaning to it. We know what the authors of the Bible wrote about it and we know how the Holy Spirit feels about it. Now what does your life show that you believe?

  • Can your friends pass the rain test?

    Rochester, New York carries the distinction of consistently having the most rainy days in America. At 167 days on average, the good folks who live there have to keep an umbrella handy. And if we can us rain as a metaphor for trouble then to live a life with almost half of the days of the year being full of trouble wouldn’t make for a good life.

    With that much trouble you can’t help but blame yourself for your troubles. There are people sitting in prison right now angry over decisions that went wrong. Some trouble is expected in life but not that much. On the contrary, what would it take to have a life almost void of trouble? The sun shines in Arizona 85 percent of the time. You would think it would be called the sunshine state. So the sun and the rain symbolize the good and the bad and my point here is to analyze what separates the two.

    We know that decisions play a huge role but I believe the one holding your umbrella shares in the copability. I guess because of the way I feel about connectiveness and relationships it seems that if I’m holding your umbrella that I’m going to make sure you don’t get wet. Now every one doesn’t have the ability or desire to take responsibility for another person’s actions. I just believe that if we are truly partners then whatever is in me to do for you, I will do it. This is actually a biblical principle as the bible says that God shall supply all our needs according to his riches in glory (Phil. 4:19). Said another way it means that God will be using all of his resources to ensure we thrive. Is it possible to be that friendly with someone?

    The point is this: Our arsenal of friends should include soldiers who are dedicated to your success and well being. Likewise, you should be the flipside of that for your team. Make sure the folks in your circle really belong.

  • Living With regret

    I must admit that I don’t normally watch the Oscars, but I am a fan of the industry and I absolutely love Chris Rock and Will Smith. I would like to believe that these two guys would be friends of mine if they were not famous and lived near me. We are in the same age bracket and have a lot of similar qualities.

    Now with that said, I was going to be disappointed in both men for their actions. I was also going to be embarrassed by the actions of both as an African-American male because of the stereo-types that will follow as a result of what happened. And then I wanted to write a blog and explain all the things that they did wrong. Then it dawned on me that context is everything and I was putting these two men in a category they do not belong.

    What I mean by context is that we are witnessing the results of previous interactions we don’t understand or have no full knowledge of. It’s disappointing that the interaction we saw was violent but there is much more to this situation that we may never know about. In addition, if this were just two average men (any race) and one had slapped another it would not have made the news and we wouldn’t be discussing it. Their fame made this newsworthy.

    We place people in categories, sometimes sub consciously, but in our minds we decide whether a person is good, bad, ugly, charismatic, funny or talented among other things. We develop beliefs about these people based on the categories and then expectations are set. Then we become disappointed when our heroes (in this case) do not match the consistency of our expectations. This is what is happening with all the commentary posted on social media.

    What should happen is we realize the truth about what we saw: the fact that these two humans were placed in a human scenario and both had an opportunity to do good, but failed. I truly believe if they had a do-over they could make a better decision. But above everything they proved that they are human and that they are flawed. If they were placed in the “flawed human” category from the beginning, then this interaction would not dominate the news cycle.

    Shout out to Tyler Perry, Denzel Washington and others who tried to bring healing to the situation. Believe it or not, sometimes things are allowed to happened for the purposes of seeing what others would do. God uses this tactic more often than you think. So I wondered how many people thought to pray when the incident happened? I wonder how many others were willing to do what they could to bring healing to this situation? Both Smith and Rock will have many private interactions following this incident. I wonder how many of those conversations would be with people who are trying to honor God in the moment?

    It’s sad when your own actions cause you to live with regret. Every time Will looks at his Oscar, the memory of the slap will come into focus. Every Oscar ceremony from this point on will remember the slap. How many business deals will not happen for these two because of this incident? Have they made peace with their God? Michelle Obama rightfully said that when they go low we go high. Going high requires us to process things in the highest part of our brains — and that’s our spiritual side. I pray the learning curve happens for all who are involved.