ClydeStyle

Tag: Expectations

  • Our political parties have failed us completely

    Next month, our Supreme Court will hear arguments as to whether former president Donald Trump is eligible to run for president given the 91 charges he is facing. The people are confused as to what is really happening because Trump is claiming he is immune from wrongdoing and that the charges are not valid.

    There would have been a time in our recent history that the Republican party would select a more presidential candidate. George Santos was booted out of Congress for all the lying and cheating he has done. How is Trump different?

    Would Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush or George W. Bush approve of such a candidate like Trump? Further, with the danger of election interference by Russia and Trump facing a ton of debt, are we not taking a chance with him being vulnerable to more corruption because of his debt?

    Then there is current president Joe Biden. He might as well be 300 years old because, for some reason, despite the level of stress that comes with the job, would any former president agree with Biden continuing in this role? It is hard to believe that Bill Clinton and Barak Obama would agree that Joe is ready for another term. We know that both parties could support better candidates. But at this point, they can not be trusted.

    The two-party system does not work for this reason. They have lost the trust of the people, and that is probably the only thing that can be agreed on.

    So what is the country to do? This clear, good Ole Boy network in politics has betrayed us. The parties have lost sight of what the people really want. The majority of the people are tired of seeing money by the billions sent overseas, and we have millions of struggling people here.

    We are tired of wars and being involved in wars. We are tired of our government taking care of everyone else by us.

    Solution: All three branches of government need to be replaced. One huge election and nobody over 70 should be allowed to take any position. Our smartest and brightest people are between 40 and 60 years old, and we need to tap into that market. We need to have a greater balance of medical professionals, former teachers, business executives, and blue-collar workers in Congress. We should maintain a third of each. We need to pledge to take care of home first and settle our own issues so that we can reach out together as a country to help others, but not until we are good at home. Finally, we need to be as diverse as the U.N. white people should not dominate the branches. We need to embrace diversity and build a country that works for everyone and not just some.

  • The sadness of Veterans Day still looms

    Every year at this time, I get sad. I’m sad because I know that there are millions of veterans without benefits. We spend so much of our national budget on weapons of mass destruction and maintaining a strong military, but we’re not making good on our promises to the men and women who risked their lives.

    Neither political party has addressed this. You can see homeless vets, vets on drugs, and more struggling with debt from medical complications.

    Meanwhile, our government, still trying to fight the good fight, is helping other countries  like Isreal and Ukraine while our folks struggle.

    It seems that in the 21 century, we would err on the side of people and rather have a scenario where our veterans are overpaid than under.

    This problem seems so easy to handle, but because our veterans are not useful to our cause anymore, we have thrown them away.

    What’s worse is that there is a divide among the veterans between the ones receiving benefits and the ones who don’t. How can they be a band of brothers on the battlefield, but once we get back home, it’s every man for himself?

    I don’t celebrate Veterans Day because of this. I wish the nation wouldn’t be celebrated either until we have corrected this atrocity!

  • What to do when love calls (part 1 of 3)

    Spring is here, and at least in the fairy tales, it means love is in the air. The environment tells us that it’s spring with the addition of new growth, leaves beginning to return, and the weather changes. Animals are feeling that special kind of way toward their mates, and soon, they will produce new growth.

    There is no escaping that fact that spring is here, and love is in the air. But when love comes calling for you, what do you do?

    Well, that depends on what stage of life you are in and whether or not in the inside you have healed from life’s challenges or you’re still wounded.

    How do you know you’re broken? In therapy there is a concept called the wounded inner child. The wounded inner child gets bruised in bad relationships. Many of us live with pain from various sources. Spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. Simply to just love someone presents pain of some type.

    The reason is normally when we enter a relationship we tend to have expectations on the other individual, and we don’t always share it. They then respond in a way that we don’t like and the guilt we feel from putting the expectations on them in the first place gets the best of us. So because of that we are not honest about how we really feel. When we’re young is easy to let these things build up. We become professionals at hiding our true feelings. Unfortunately, after decades of this behavior, we become bitter — and then someone dies or the relationship finally runs its course.

    The person left in this scenario is broken, and for them to attempt to enter into another relationship prematurely does not allow the inner child to heal.

    Another fact is that the person who wants the new relationship always thinks they can help with this project. They cannot. Our egos allow us to believe that we are the best solution for whatever the problem is, and our loneliness is off to the side co-signing it.

    The best solution here is to wait. Wait to reflect. Wait to heal. Wait to see what God says. You should never rush into a relationship. That is never necessary. If the relationship is worth it, it can survive the wait.

  • Way too many hats

    The problem with Christianity today is that the Christian understanding of religion is played out in hats. What I mean is we process Christian traits like wearing a hat. So there is a hate for love, a hat for forgiveness, a hat for service, a blessed hat, a joyful hat and even a praise hat and depending on our mood we regularly switch hats.

    Unfortunately there are other hats. Hats of hatred, racism, anger, gossiping, back biting and lustful. We switch these hats on and off as well. The problem lies in the fact that we never lose the evil hats in this concept. Because when the wind blows there is of telling which hat we will wear.

    Further, in a moments notice someone can do something negative to me and my hat willing change instantly. For example, I could be wearing my happy hat, and then someone could start a political argument with me and the anger hat is summoned. I then willfully chose to put on the anger hat. You see I had a chance to keep on my happy hat, but my flesh rose up against me and anger seemed like the best hat.

    So for me to be better, I have to get rid of the hat system. It needs to be replaced with something better because it gives me too many negative choice. What I recommend is a tattoo system — yes, tattoo system. With the tattoo system I can have the fruit of the Spirit tattooed on me for choices and I can leave the works of the flesh alone. I don’t even need them as options.

    So what would it be like if we could only use what was tattooed on me? It means that when the flesh told me to become angry (and that isn’t an option), I would choice from my option menu and pick love. When offered the gossip option, I would choose to serve. This way my only options would be godly and I would no longer see the other negative things available.

    My friends, this is a choice you can make. Stop falling for the hat trick and get you some tattoos in Jesus name!

  • The myth of making up lost time

    There are some folks who believe that they can make up time. They kick up a lot of dirt to make it look like something is happening and then there is nothing.

    You cannot make up time, all you can do is try to let it get lost. How does it happen? Neglect, poor planning, ignorance, slothfulness and anger are a few habitual contributors to the lost of time. Human error is always the problem and the fix for it does not occur in the midst of more time. It comes in post production where the time correction is discovered and made known to all who are involved.

    What needs to happen is the one who is responsible for losing the time needs to acknowledge such and make preparations to never allow it to happen for the same reason again.

    You cannot make up time no more than you can unsee a tragedy. We attempt to try and make it up because we all see and can relate to the unfairness of it all. It’s a permanent action that leaves a permanent scare. There are children who are struggling because they were cheated out of time. There are people stuck in relationships that have been nothing but a big waste of time. There are people who have gotten divorced and the circumstances were not favorable to all parties so someone has been purged of time. Companies have tons of lazy employees that such the business dry of time. There are teachers who are tired and disgruntled who are stealing quality time from our kids.

    People have died too early or too late. So called friends have wasted our time as well. Pastors are wasting time and social media is a waste of time. When we die, it would be a shamed to look back at your life and realize that if you had back all the time you wasted you would be alive for another decade. A recent university study confirmed that humans waste 21.8 hours a week. This seems like a really bad waste of life. So instead of trying to redeem the time, we need to focus on the present and what is to come instead of what’s lost in the past.

  • Sharing expectations

    I am working with a particular couple that can’t seem to communicate or understand each other very well. The guy thinks everything is fine and claims he has no idea why they are seeing me. The lady, on the other hand, is on the verge of leaving him because she feels their relationship is too robotic. She says her husband does things out of “obligation to the paper” (their marriage certificate) and not because of how he feels about her. She says he often jokes about marriage that she’s his ball and chain and not his loving wife that he admires.

    The problem here is three fold: One, this woman is not honest to her spouse about her feelings and expectations; two, she is hesitant to say how she really feels because of the possible rejection of him not feeling the same way; and three, her two basic psychological needs are not being met.

    Everyone has two basic psychological needs: We want to be loved and give love back and we want to have a sense of self worth and feel that someone else thinks the same thing – that we have value. We go through life searching in our relationships for these two basic needs. Psychotherapy attempts to put people on the path to achieve these two things. These two basic needs complete us as humans.

    The lesson this couple is learning is that honesty still is the best policy. Before entering holy matrimony the single most important commodity in a relationship is honesty with the ability to freely communicate with each other. A marriage and family therapist worth his weight will help engaged couples reach this point. After the fact, you just simple need a mediator (MFT) to facilitate confidential discussions with the couple to connect the line of communication. Once connected and the rules of engagement are explained (i.e. the importance of honesty, truthfulness spoken in love) then the couple will be well on their way to being free with one another and eventually – best friends.

    Are there things you have not told your spouse or mate? Have you been holding back because of fears of hurt feelings or retaliation? A failure to communicate works like cancer in the body. It spreads throughout and eventually affects everything. You start off holding back personal feelings and next you have secrets. Once secrets become commonplace, your partner can never be your “best” friend. At this point you are sacrificing intimacy for your personal hang ups – very bad practice.