ClydeStyle

Tag: Free Will

  • You don’t need an apology

    Forgiveness is a concept that our country isn’t too keen on as we are definitely people for revenge. Whenever someone’s crime upsets our social norm, we want blood.

    Mass shooters, pedophiles, rapists, bad police officers, repeat offenders, men who hit women, or anyone who is against the LGBTQ community are all subject to revenge following their miscues. But in actuality, forgiveness doesn’t require an apology. Of course, it would be nice to have one, but it is not required. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the infraction as much as it has to do with you making a decision.

    Forgiveness is a choice. It is frivolous to measure sins or even label them from bad to worse. Forgiveness involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. Why would you do that? Because hate in your heart consumes. It burns like fire.

    There are 3 types of forgiveness: 1) Exoneration where a person genuinely makes a mistake; 2) Forbearance where the person gives a partial apology, but the offense did not call for a more extreme level; 3) Release where there is no acknowledgement of hurt. The person never even took responsibility for the pain they caused. So which one do you think God would want you to exercise? Here is a hint: God would want you to practice the one you need.

    I don’t know about you, but I need to practice release because that is the one I need from God. The Greek word for forgiveness in scripture literally means “to let go,” and the context is the act of pardoning an offender.

    So, if I am to practice forgiveness from the Bible, it must be the one I expect from God because the scriptures tell us that God is going to forgive the same way we do. Now, who needs an apology?

  • How much control do you think you have?

    Control is defined as the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events. If life was a card game then our biggest bluff would be pretending to have power.

    Control is something we all know exists and we have all been the victims of someone controlling us. There are many things that we desire in our flesh that become entrapment for control. People try to control us with jobs — especially promotions; sex; money; expensive items; and even reputations.

    Some times we come across people who have such a “poker face” or a demeanor that demands respect that we surrender our controls to them even sometimes without even realizing it.

    Truth is that there is only one power. You guessed it: God our father is the only power (authority) and so when we talk about control we are speaking authority and this comes from God. Now, some folks have taken false liberties in the interpretation of Romans 13:1-2 is saying that all power is from God and you must obey the higher powers. The translation is better render we should obey all powers that surrender to God for they are of God. It’s understood in the text as of course Paul would have never told us to follow a blind leader or one who only seeks vain glory for himself.

    The God of heaven is the only authority and he doesn’t want to be blindly followed. For biblical leaders, we were always told to support them who have spoken to us the word of God and whose faith follows (their actions) (Heb. 13:7).

    So then reputation, demeanor, temperament and lifestyle have everything to do with your precieved power. It seems as though people are always looking to follow. The manner of person you are will determine the influence you have and how many people will follow you. If you want to be impactful, you must seek to lead a life that is concurrent with the teachings of scripture.

    God is always raising a few good men and women to work in his kingdom and effect the world. Are you one of those leaders?

  • A parable of abortion

    Abortion is like unto a woman who had a horrible back itch. She tried very hard to scratch that itch for years without success. Many people saw that she needed assistance but did nothing to help her. Embarrassed, she went in the quiet and continued to try and scratch her itch but to no avail.

    Then one day someone from among the people came to her with a huge knife and starting at the base of her back he stuck in the long sharp knife and begin to gut her like a fish. The knife went in, traveled up almost to her neck and stopped. The gentleman walked away without taking it out. The woman collapsed.

    So much blood came out and she continued to bleed for decades. She bled for so long that she began to embrace the blood and appreciate the knife because although it cause a whole lot of other problems spiritually, emotionally and mentally, her back never itches anymore.

    Through those nearly 5 decades with the knife, the wound would begin to close somewhat. Somewhat because it did not heal properly. It healed simply to survive. The people never stopped arguing about the knife. No one ever talked about her itch. It was like the itch never happened and every solution that came up through group discussions all centered around the knife. There were some who thought the knife should be ripped out while others wanted to do the little things that would assist the knife in it’s purpose. Still neither side had even a conversation about the itching.

    Then suddenly after almost 5 decades in her back, the side that wanted to rip out that knife since day one got their wish and in a blink of an eye the knife was snatched out of the woman’s body and celebrated in the streets. Protest began as well and the whole process of taking sides started again.

    As you can imagine the arguments and the scenarios never changed and the true problem stayed the same. All opinions. No solutions. And the poor woman’s back starting itching far worse than it did in the beginning.

    Abortion was never the problem, it was a symptom of the problem but when symptoms are treated as problems it just creates more symptoms and no problem is solved. Likewise, when principles are given without application they make for good slogans and wonderful sayings, but help no one. And while all this is happening in a capitalistic society, someone is off to the side and in the corners profiting from another person’s misery.

    God bless America!

  • The crisis of meaning

    With all the things that have happened since 2020 begin from the beginning of the pandemic to election issues and challenges with democracy, to job creation, gas prices, police shootings and the war in Ukraine, it’s befitting that some folks would start questioning everything and having doubts about who they are, the meaning of life and overall purpose. If you are serious about life, maturity will bring you to this point where you begin to wonder whether or not you have the correct understanding of things or that you really believe what you were told growing up.

    This feeling is difficult. It’s where you begin to search for what life really means to you. This can even be dangerous at times because for some the thought process spirals out of control to the point where they actually believe in their heart that the world would be a better place without them. Some begin to suffer severe depression based on their new found discoveries about life or themselves. This is the time when reality becomes real.

    It seems that tragedy brings about these thoughts. It normally happens when you feel the world around you is closing in on you. Things begin the change around you too fast and for a long time you have not been happy. There is a word for this. It is called an existential crisis.

    Formally, in psychology and psychotherapy, existential crises are inner conflicts characterized by the impression that life lacks meaning. These conflicts will keep you up at night. They will also make you cry, feel depressed and even betrayed.

    The year is halfway over and depending how 2022 has treated you, you might find yourself dealing with this now. If you are I want to give you some tips to make it through successfully. The first thing is you need someone who you trust. This is a person who will keep your confidence and is a good listener. You DO NOT need someone to tell you want to do or what to think — this was probably the problem in the beginning. You need a guide. This would be someone who you believe is living the life you hope to have. It’s an experienced person so they wouldn’t necessarily be in your age range. Look to the immediate generation ahead of you.

    You also must be honest about your feelings. I had a client that discovered that she had quite a few relatives who were racist and that she hated those views but was conflicted because these were family members she loved. Their views were not her views but since they had the same DNA she felt that she must be racist too. It took us some time but she discovered she could pick and choose the parts of her family she loved and hated and for her to remain balanced, she had to speak out against the behavior she hated and embrace the person with love.

    The final stage is to take your time. The process could take months or years to complete. You will make progress along the way but it should not be rushed and the purpose of it all is for you to become a better you!

  • What if there were no mistakes?

    What if there were no mistakes?

    When I review my life, I see many colors. Colors which represent the good and the bad. All the good things about my life are the very bright colors – things like the success stories I have, fears I have conquered or the birth of my three children. And then there are the dark colors – things that I regret doing, saying, and falling for. The dark colors represent the times when I was a sucker. They are blemishes that prove I’m not perfect.

    I had a thought while I did this review: What if everything that has happened to me was not an accident or a mistake? What if the things that happened to me were my destiny and that a higher power had purposed and set some things in motion to bring me to a certain point? What if the words “accident” and “mistake” were all part of a big conspiracy to make us believe that we had a level of control we don’t really have?

    I heard an atheist say once that God, the creator of the universe, was no more than an imaginary friend who we created because we were scared of death and the unknown. He said that everything that has happened was going to happen anyway and because of fear, we invented religion. Religion then gives us something to do when we’re scared.

    I believe that there is some truth to what my atheist friend has said.

    The truth is that I believe, we have been allowed to believe, that there are accidents and mistakes so as to point blame when something happens. This is not to be confused with things that we cause to happen that were not accidents. For example, another friend of mine lost his job. He started off telling me that his racist boss finally got rid of him. I asked what happened and he said that they made him take a random drug test and the marijuana he smoked last weekend was still in his system. Trying to keep from laughing I said, “So how does this make your boss racist?”

    You can probably figure out the rest of the conversation. My friend lost his job because he was careless with it. Smoking illegal substances is a quick way to get fired from most jobs – especially in our economy. Not that it is impossible for his boss to be a racist – it’s still a challenge we face in the 21st century. But even with this scenario, there was a deeper reason – other than stupidity – for him losing his job. When we lose things, there is a lesson in that. For my friend, the lesson was responsibility. More than anything else, he needs to be more responsible. He needs to take responsibility for his actions and stop blaming others. Blaming others is a diversion from learning the personal lessons.

    What I want you to see is the beauty of trials and tribulations. I want you to understand the other side of a mistake. The point is that if we take away the concept of a mistake, then we would be clear to see the true destiny in the trial and we could “count it all joy.”

    Remember the old record players that required a needle to play the vinyl records? If you are old enough to remember them, you will also remember that sometimes the needle would skip. A CD player will sometimes skip too. And in both cases we would know that either the player or the record or CD needs cleaning. Could I say that the CD or record player made a mistake? Think about it before you answer. Was there a mistake made or is the “skip” just a by-product of usage?

    We don’t call it a mistake because we accept that things won’t work properly sometimes and we move on. Why can we not do this with our own mistakes?

    I remember years ago when I left one research company to work for another one. The one I was going to was paying me 15K more to leave. I felt unappreciated at the current place, so I left. I worked for this new company for 19 months. I signed off on the construction of the building, I purchased all of the furniture and hired all 44 employees and set this research company up to run like a well-oiled machine. Once that was done, they let me go and hired another person with very little management experience. I have to say, looking back on the experience, that when they let me go it was one of the best things that happened to me. At the time, I thought I made a mistake leaving the other company. I shudder to think that I could still be at that other company, complacent, underpaid and miserable.

    It would have been great if I could have taken the word “mistake” out of my vocabulary and automatically thought about the scripture in Romans 8:28.

  • God – Pro Choice?

    Remember when life was a little easier?

    I mean long before we were frightened by the turn of the century – you remember the time I like to call the duck tape/water scandal. It’s as if someone hit the fear switch and that became the new method of control.

    Suddenly, we now had to be careful about what we said, what we saw and what we did.

    Even our words have changed.

    I’m old enough to remember the theme song to The Flintstones. When the lyrics said, “you’ll have a gay ole time,” no one had homosexual thoughts about it. The word gay had a different meaning then. It just meant happy. Now I guess it means happier.

    I remember when I could say that the word “ain’t” wasn’t in the dictionary! Well, it is now.

    Word usage is very important today.

    I say all this to point out that as we continue to change – and change is good – we need to be careful of what we choose to fight against. Many Christians end up on the wrong side of politics – meaning that sometimes we have to choose whether we’re going to be political or spiritual.

    I was having a conversation with a woman who felt that God hated abortion and that the people who participate in it will surely go to hell. I asked her if she was sure about that and she said definitely! She then proceeded to tell me that I shouldn’t be questioning her since I stand in a pulpit on Sunday mornings.

    I asked her if she wanted to have this conversation as members of a political party or as members of the body of Christ.

    She said, “Both.”

    I said “That’s impossible.”

    The reason is because of the definition of words.

    Words like “pro choice” and “socialism” (I will discuss socialism in another post) take on different meanings depending on the context of the conversation.

    This intrigued her.

    She said, “Since we’re both Christians, let’s talk about it as members of the body of Christ.”

    Great idea!

    Biblically, God wants us to use our intellect. We were created differently from the other animals for this purpose. All Christians agree that we were created in the image of God – everyone doesn’t understand how – but we agree that we are definitely created in His image (Gen. 1:26, 27).

    Being created in the very image of God gives us the right to choose – to make our own choices and to suffer the consequences for our mistakes – whether they’re good consequences or bad ones.

    Some people think it would have been easier for God to just omit the trees that He told Adam and Eve not to eat from. Being in the image of God necessitates the need to use the intellect we’ve been created with. God gave Adam and Eve an opportunity to use their intellect.

    That’s what choice is all about.

    What do you think happens when someone (people, the government, the schools – or anybody) takes that right away?

    How many people in the Bible were given choices by God?

    A better question might be: how many people from the Bible must I name who God gave choices to for you to believe that God is pro-choice?

    In fact, of the 66 books in the Bible, it would be quicker to name the people He didn’t give choices to.

    Can you name anyone in either of these groups?