ClydeStyle

Tag: Healthy

  • What to do when love calls (part 2 of 3)

    The only thing better than an old relationship is a new relationship, and spring is the time to get it on! (Cue the music)

    We made it through the big holidays, and New Year’s Day is an after thought. Valentine’s Day caught us in our feelings, and we knew it was time for a new love. But the person we met shows a bit of hesitation. They are not as responsive as they were when we first met. Calls are not being returned at the frequency we would like, and it seems that they could go a whole 48 hours without talking.

    Our egos caution us to tread lightly, but we don’t listen. We start to assume that there may be so.e mental health challenges with this person after all, how could they not jump on this relationship opportunity?

    At this point, we really should back off and allow the relationship to advance itself organically. That means that if it is supposed to happen, it will without any coaching for either party. We have to leave room for there to be a problem that actually has nothing to do with us.

    Everybody has a past. Good, bad, and ugly. There are things that have happened in previous relationships that we need to heal from and get over. Imagine meeting someone whose previous relationship was with a controlling narcissist. They will have been bullied, controlled, lied on, made to feel unimportant and gaslighted.

    As a result, anything you attempt to do by way of being overbearing will be a trigger. They will be very sensitive to this feeling and will retreat at the first sign. Also, God made us all unique, so what worked in the previous relationship won’t necessarily work in the new one. Another mistake is to try and be intimate with someone too song. This can be a direct turnoff, especially if sex was an issue in the previous relationship.

    The best advice for starting a new relationship is to allow the natural development of the new relationship. That means that the nature of the relationship will dictate its type. You may want it to turn into your next spouse, and all the person is looking for is a friend. You may desire a friend with benefits, but the person wants a soul mate. We need to be diligent and kind to each other. We cannot control how another person feels — to do such is juvenile.

  • Do you see the beauty in your brokenness?

    Do you see the beauty in your brokenness?

    In the bible, Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. We don’t know why she looked back, all we know is the action was purposed.

    Did she look back because she was missing something? Or did she look back because she was angry? Reviewing? Regretting?

    It’s hard to live your life and move forward when you are stuck in the past. We all have had things in the past that were hurtful, disgraceful, embarrassing and stressful. Some of us are still dealing with trouble from our past. That trouble brought relationships we don’t want, debt we wish we didn’t have and freedoms we wish we hadn’t lost. We troll through life unsure, unfamiliar and unhappy. We always blame ourselves (and sometimes it is our fault), but more times than not we were tricked by some bastard who never really cared.

    So we find ourselves in a new year with the same old problems. And like previous years we said that the current year would be “that year” where things would change for the better. So we packed up our things and waiting on the porch for change to show up and get us — but change never showed.

    Change never said it was coming.

    You actually have to hunt down change and make it come home with you. Change is what you need and it is closer than you think.

    So what I find with people who are searching for change is that they are actually living life through their failures instead of their successes. They have already discredited their victories as a fluke; they have assassinated their own character as not being good enough; and they have settled for far less than they deserve.

    Am I talking to you yet??

    Your victories are legit! Your life is not a waste! You absolutely deserve better! And you are just as worthy as the next person. What makes us worthy is not contained in anything we aspire to do. It’s the fact that God made us to be.

    Your time is now. You already know what you need to do. You have been afraid all this time but not anymore.

    There is an upside to being down and that is your ability to bounce! Your purpose is greater than the life you have been living. Cut away your dead weight, negative feelings and past mistakes. Capitalize on what you have learned and let this be the year you do YOU!

  • What’s your obsession?

    What’s your obsession?

    Obsession is broadly defined as a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. Don’t get this confused with a preoccupation with a reasonable idea.

    If your son plays basketball 24/7, sleeps with his basketball and dreams about playing even when he is not. And of course your son happens to be 7’1, this is reasonable. If he is 5’2, it’s probably unreasonable.

    Because we don’t want to smash anyone else’s dream we avoid commenting. So we allow people who haven’t had any college experience say they want to be a superintendent of a school district — they have no plans to go back to school.

    We have people who can barely sing hang on to the dream of being a singer. We put up with pastors in pulpits that have no oratory ability nor knowledge of scripture but they want to preach.

    When a teenager who is failing math wants to be an engineer or a student who is failing science wanting to be a doctor, we smile and think it’s cute.

    Honesty is still the best policy.

    One of the things that we loved about American Idol was Simon Cowell because he could be brutally honest about what he saw and heard. So we watched each week to enjoy the talent but hear what Simon thought about the act.

    Can you imagine throwing your life away on an obsession? I mean just think about an obsession that takes you into your 40s with no return on the investment. Many people followed your dream knowing that it was not going to happen but hoping that it might — this is a very tragic fate.

    Broken lives collide with reality and in the rubble is a lost soul who had higher expectations than his talent could take him.

    All types of mental health professionals offer diagnosis after the fact and everyone has an opinion, but in the end all you are left with is a broken heart and that damn obsession!