ClydeStyle

Tag: Honesty

  • Judges Thomas and Alito are just the tip of the iceberg

    Life constantly proves that we are flawed. As a part of our moral development, we should seek to excel in integrity, goodness, truth, and character, but we have lost our way.

    If we can no longer expect our Supreme Court justices to be honest, how can we expect it in other courts? It seems that there is always a problem when people don’t speak out against injustice. We made that a habit in our country, and it still hinders us today.

    The only thing needed to start a revolution after slavery ended would have been for whites to stand up and acknowledge wrongdoing. If some would have just called it as they saw it because never is it ok to make people property.

    During the Civil Rights movement, our legislative, judicial, and executive branches had a golden opportunity to move our country light years ahead by simply speaking up for what is right! Today, there are horrible police practices that many police, if they were not guilty themselves, could denounce as evil, but they stand silent. Some of the districts that our children are supposed to be educated in are failing. Some of that failure is “teacher failure,” but no one is saying that. Prison conditions in America are deplorable, and very little is being done to change it. Veterans still don’t have all of their promised benefits, but again, we are quiet.

    It’s hard to name an area of interest that isn’t corrupt. Pastors in churches are taking advantage, and some are even getting paid to sell a bad version of hope. And even in the presidency — from Trump to Biden — there are major struggles with integrity and truthfulness.

    Sadly, it seems that we declared independence from the wrong things. Where we should have set ourselves free from lies, laziness, selfishness, and bigotry, we embraced these and would go on to forsake fairness, honor, moral virtue, and serving others. Our freedoms are not for the better but the worse in America. We are free to dishonor our constitution and look out for number one — self!

    There are more justices guilty. We will see more police brutality, bad teachers, and corrupt politicians. And unless there is accountability being enforced, America will implode from within. We won’t have to worry about foreign enemies destroying us. We’re killing ourselves.

  • What to do when love calls? (part 3 of 3)

    The doorbell rings and there is a gentleman caller. He’s well groomed and standing there with a single rose. He greets me with a hug and he smells amazing. The aroma is earthy with a hint of citrus. He’s excited to get where we’re going and he says I will love the surprise. We head out to his car and he opens the door and assists her in getting in. He starts the car and beautiful jazz sounds come from the bose speakers. We’re off and I don’t care what happens next.

    This scenario is a beautiful to a potentially satisfying evening. Two people who are available, drama free and emotionally available to each other. They are both at the stage of life, where they are looking for a partner to share life successes. All the kids are adults and doing well, houses are owned, advancement at work are abundant, and they’re both in the mood for love.

    It is surprising how uncommon this situation is. Typically, one or both partners have a deficiency in life that tends to hinder healthy relationships. If this scenario is closer to your situation, then you are considered blessed. However, there are 5 things that have to be present to assure success in the relationship.

    First, there is honesty. This is a key ingredient to every healthy relationship because you can’t build trust without it. Honesty is being truthful and sincere with your words, actions, and thoughts. What reason would there be for someone to be dishonest in a relationship? There is no reason to be dishonest, and a healthy relationship has no tolerance for dishonesty.

    Second, integrity is acting in a way you know to be right and kind in all situations. This should be a quality that everyone brings to the table, but those who lack the ability to have a healthy relationship see nothing wrong with omitting integrity. This should be another deal breaker.

    Third, respect is treating people, places, and things with kindness. A person who normally lacks in this area starts with not respecting themselves. A good test is to see how this person speaks about their parents. For a female, it’s her dad, and with the son, it’s the mom. These are the people who would be the instructors for your partner, and if they didn’t learn it from them, then they probably don’t know it.

    Fourth is attentive, which means a person who pays close attention to the welfare and well-being of another. This is the quality where a person makes you feel like you really matter. They pay attention when things are not right. They calculate strategies to make you happy. They know how to give their undivided attention and live directly in the moment.

    Last but not least, the person needs to be open minded and have a sense to at least try something once. This brings a freshness to the relationship and the opportunity to explore together and learn what works best for each partner. The world is a big place with lots of customs and rituals that become great learning tools for an adventurous couple.

    These ingredients serve as great starting points for a healthy relationship. So remember to not rush into anything. Relationships should always be a choice.

  • Don’t end up an April fool!

    April Fools Day has been around for centuries, in fact, some historians date back as far as 1563 in France when they switched calendars making their New Year during the Spring equinox which was around April 1st instead of January 1.

    Some citizens apparently didn’t get the memo and missed the new New Year celebration and were called April Fools for that.

    Today a good ole’ April Fool is a person who is credulous or easily persuaded to believe something. Gullible. For some reason, the biggest April Fool ends up being the person who thought that he or she met the love of their life only to find out the other person didn’t feel the same.

    This would happen in the Spring because that’s the best time for new love I guess. But sadly the April showers are coming from more than just rain clouds. This can really send someone over the edge. We do not handle rejection well especially when we were the biggest fool in the scenario.

    Well, here are the top 5 things you can do to not end up an April Fool. 1) Don’t be so anxious for love — desperation is not a good look. 2) Dating is like a poker game — you NEVER show your cards! 3) Be honest with your feelings — let the other person know how you feel. A good person will not want to purposefully hurt you. 4) Read the sign properly — non-verbal cues will let you know if the person is interested. They will invade your space, laugh at all your jokes and initiate communication. 5) Rush nothing; allow things to be organic. What is meant to be will be.

  • Getting your God complex under control

    We all have this inner God complex. It’s where we get some of our best ideas, it’s where our compassion grows, it’s where forgiveness begins and it’s where our unconditional love comes from. With this complex, when things are going well, we achieve and flourish in various areas. We create, lead, influence, edify and develop ideas. When things are at their worst, we tend to lack forgiveness for ourselves.

    We being to accept blame, sometimes too much blame because in our complex we think we should have known, seen, anticipated, figured out or controlled people, places and things — and that’s impossible.

    The feeling is amplified when other people are injured by our actions. It happens. What should take place is that we should release all negativity, deal with the facts and be reflective about moving forward. Learn the lessons and forgive yourself. We need to begin to see the truth about these ill- feelings.

    God doesn’t want us punishing ourselves because something fell through the cracks or we proved that we are not perfect. I started out calling it a God complex because when something happens some of us will take full responsibility as if we were God and could control everything.

    Nobody is perfect. Most people who dare to lead want to do their best. It doesn’t always happen like that and you need to forgive yourself. Now! And move forward a better person!

  • Self-check time!!!

    I don’t know anybody who likes to be proven wrong. I mean imagine going full throttle in the wrong direction or with the wrong understanding. Some of us are really bold with this. Now there are a couple of different types of people who do this. The first is the one who cannot admit that they were wrong. They put themselves out their so far and look so ridiculous attempting to act like nothing happen.

    Then we have the type that becomes angry and violent once they realize they looked stupid. They will through a temper tantrum to deal with the embarrassment of sticking their foot in their mouth. Next is the type that blames others for their mistakes. They will quickly play the blame game as soon as they feel the consequences of their actions.

    Finally, there is a type that acts like it never happened. They just don’t ever speak of it hoping that it will go away. These types wouldn’t have to exist if we all did a self check. We need to make sure that the information we use to make decisions is correct. We have to be more accountable on the front end to save integrity on the back end. You must ask do I have all of the facts? Am I seeing the full picture? Are my sources credible? Am I emotional involved in this decision? Can I live with the outcome?

    It is definitely worth the time to get the facts straight. In addition we need to surround ourselves with people who would give us the truth. And above every thing else, we need to learn how to give a genuinely sincere apology — people heal faster that way.

  • Sharing expectations

    I am working with a particular couple that can’t seem to communicate or understand each other very well. The guy thinks everything is fine and claims he has no idea why they are seeing me. The lady, on the other hand, is on the verge of leaving him because she feels their relationship is too robotic. She says her husband does things out of “obligation to the paper” (their marriage certificate) and not because of how he feels about her. She says he often jokes about marriage that she’s his ball and chain and not his loving wife that he admires.

    The problem here is three fold: One, this woman is not honest to her spouse about her feelings and expectations; two, she is hesitant to say how she really feels because of the possible rejection of him not feeling the same way; and three, her two basic psychological needs are not being met.

    Everyone has two basic psychological needs: We want to be loved and give love back and we want to have a sense of self worth and feel that someone else thinks the same thing – that we have value. We go through life searching in our relationships for these two basic needs. Psychotherapy attempts to put people on the path to achieve these two things. These two basic needs complete us as humans.

    The lesson this couple is learning is that honesty still is the best policy. Before entering holy matrimony the single most important commodity in a relationship is honesty with the ability to freely communicate with each other. A marriage and family therapist worth his weight will help engaged couples reach this point. After the fact, you just simple need a mediator (MFT) to facilitate confidential discussions with the couple to connect the line of communication. Once connected and the rules of engagement are explained (i.e. the importance of honesty, truthfulness spoken in love) then the couple will be well on their way to being free with one another and eventually – best friends.

    Are there things you have not told your spouse or mate? Have you been holding back because of fears of hurt feelings or retaliation? A failure to communicate works like cancer in the body. It spreads throughout and eventually affects everything. You start off holding back personal feelings and next you have secrets. Once secrets become commonplace, your partner can never be your “best” friend. At this point you are sacrificing intimacy for your personal hang ups – very bad practice.