ClydeStyle

Category: Children

  • Parable of a good breakfast

    20130824-012634.jpgA Father woke up one morning to eat breakfast. He arose early while his kids were still asleep.

    He began to make homemade pancakes, breakfast sausage with potatoes and onions and farm fresh eggs. He squeezed oranges and blended them with apple and carrot juice, garnished that with pineapple slices.

    His son got up about 20 minutes after the father had started to eat. The son said, “Daddy, where is my food?” The father answered, “It’s in the kitchen son. Everything I made, I did it with the items that are in the kitchen.”

    The son was a little angry that his dad had not made enough for him so he settled for a bowl of cereal. The daughter got up and commented that something smelled good. The father said thanks and the daughter asked where was her breakfast.

    He gave her same answer he gave the son. She looked stunned and opened the refrigerator and just stared.

    The youngest daughter got up, came and kissed her dad and said good morning. The dad smiled and she looked at him and said, “you still can’t get those pancakes right huh dad?” Then she began to make homemade waffle batter and fry chicken. She had the house smelling so good that her siblings couldn’t believe it.

    In amazement, the two asked their younger sibling why she made chicken and waffles. The youngest child said, “I made chicken and waffles because that’s what I wanted for breakfast. You guys are always out with your friends and I’m here learning everything I can. Life can be tough so I am sacrificing now for my future … Gotta be able to take care of myself.”
    The father just smiled.

    The moral of this story is simple. There are three kinds of people in the world. Some are like the son, who sits back and watches what’s happening. This person never gets engaged in anything, he just watches and settles. Then there is the oldest daughter who is like another type of person who sits back and wonders what happened. They don’t have a clue and feel a sense of entitlement as if someone owes them something.

    So we have the person that sits back and wonders what happened, the other person who sits back and watches what happens and then the one who makes things happen like the youngest daughter. She follows the rule of doing what you need to do so that you can do what you want to do.

    Dear reader which child are you?

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  • Jesus — the way, truth, life (Part 3)

    TheWayTruthLife10What is your life worth?

    Each year thousands of people commit suicide because they don’t see their worth. We go through life trying to prove to ourselves that we are worth something. We put in overtime with our jobs, we help out when we can and we even give money away to prove our worth. Kids in school are troubled by bullies who point out all of their flaws. They take to heart everything negatively that is said to them without regard for the good things. When kids (and adults) are faced with these type of challenges it seems as though the only option is to stay at home and cry.

    Many people are walking around desiring to be with someone that will give them more self-esteem credits. Each time they date and get hurt, they lower their standards more and more in an attempt to lessen the pain. They end up settling for “G” candidate thinking that they are not worthy of the “A” candidate. Furthermore, in America we spend money. Everything revolves around money so it stands to reason that value would be placed on everything here. Our lives should not be for sale. It’s tough when ad campaigns tell you that you are too fat, too dark, too skinny, too short or your hair is not good enough, your feet are too big or even your teeth aren’t white enough. Plastic surgery is a billion dollar industry. Low self-esteem doesn’t care how much money you have or what color you are. As a result we really don’t know who we are.

    Thank God for Jesus! You see, he placed value on all of us when he died on the cross for the sins of the world. Through his sacrifice he is trying to tell us that we have value. His actions prove we have worth — why else would the Son of God waste his time on us? If John 3:16 is correct (and it is!) then God loved us and was eager to save us. He sent his son to die for the sins of the world and simply says let me give you rest.

    Dear readers, I hope you know that there is no better life than one spent serving the Lord and enjoying the blessings he gives us. To live a life reciprocating the love God thrusts toward us is clearly an abundant life. Jesus said that he is the way, the truth and the life and he is right. There is no way to the father except by the mediator he chose and that is Christ.

    Help me spread the word that salvation has been brought down to earth and by it God has added value to every life. All we have to do now is live like it!

  • What being a dad means to me

    I’m in love with being a dad,

    I give my kids what I wished I had.

    They live their little lives and have no clue

    of the sacrifices made and the things I do.

    I watch them grow up and I’m surprised at what I see,

    a son and two daughters who remind me of me.

    I get to provide for them, I’d die for them; I love to make a fuss,

    I teach them to be responsible and try not to cuss.

    With eyes so big and full of joy,

    he’s full of potential, I’m talking about my boy!

    Two heads full of hair and smiles that light up the night,

    My daughters are gorgeous and they’re being raised right.

    To be their protector and teacher is an honor for me

    I learn more from teaching them who they really ought to be.

    I thank God each day for the three I got,

    You put your hands on my babies you will probably get shot!

    I love you son, daughter and baby girl too,

    I hope you appreciate your dad as much as he appreciates you!

  • Another school year in the books!

    Well, it’s June and that means most kids (and some are already out) are wrapping up another school year. It seems like they just started school and now it’s over. I used to get caught off guard every time school ended for the summer. By off guard I mean every year I would say that I wanted my kids to be active and have a fun, educational summer, but I had no idea of what they would do.

    I was so used to seeing kids go wild over the summer! Teachers even prepare to received these little wild ones in the fall. Someone had to put a stop to this!

    I decided that it was time for my kids to make good use of the summer and as much as I wanted them to be active and have fun, I also wanted them to not stop learning. I wanted them to have fun learning and stimulate their minds as well as their physical bodies. Here is a list of five things that I have used in the past to accomplish this goal.

    Summer bucket list:

    1) Visit the library weekly — the library is a fun and inexpensive way to stimulate the mind of your child. This is great for the whole family. The library has a full list of activities to enjoy.

    2) Take a field trip with the kids once a month and — dare I say — have them do a report on what they learned. I had to pay my kids for this, but they did learn. We went to museums, festivals and even a concert. These become great conversation pieces at the dinner table.

    3) Have your children write a reaction paper to the movies they watch over the summer. They can discuss the movies with you and then put their thoughts down on paper.

    4) Teach your children about the wonderful fruits and vegetables that come in season over the summer.

    5) Cook with your children so they learn how to be self sufficient and they get hands on learning.

    These are my top 5. You can also make sure they are reading books, they have chores to do regularly and you limited their television viewing. Kids tend to watch more TV in the summer than any other time of the year. More than anything else, make it a summer that they can remember. Don’t forget that you are building life long memories.

  • The family constellation

    The family is the most important institution in the world. It is the cornerstone of our society and an incubator for the future generations.

    It is important to take care of this institution. Our future depends on it.

    I believe that we need to apply some basic bible principles of love, collective work and responsibility and faith.

    I compare this to a well-oiled basketball team. All the great teams have the same thing in common. Each player cares about the other. The work is shared and everyone wants to do their part. The group also believes in each other and the cause that they are going for — whether it be the championship or striving for the good life.

    Each member of the team or family plays an important part. The guards are the first line of defense on one side and the initiators of the offense on the other side. The forwards attack and defend the baseline of the goal and the center brings balance.

    In a family of five, one scenario could be a strong wife (point guard); oldest child (shooting guard); the other two kids playing the forward positions and the dad is the center.

    Problems occur when some members don’t feel like they are a part of the team or choose not to hold up their end of the bargain. Family commitment is important and this is a good time to recommit to the health and welfare of the family.

    Parents need to believe it! Children need to see it! And the world needs to follow the example!

    Long live the family!

  • The high cost of advertising

    No one asked me, but I think America is too stupid for the advertising that we use. I mean when words like “new and improved” make us think that a product is better or that because we see “sale” we think there is a deal, there’s a problem.

    We then proceed to spend and spend and spend.

    Whether we can afford to or not is not a deterrent. It seems that we spend based on mood. For some of us, if we’re happy and we know it – instead of clapping our hands – we swipe our credit cards. If we are sad and depressed we think to buy something to cheer ourselves up. If we’re angry we think we deserve something new. When we have something to celebrate we buy something. Weddings are celebrated with gifts, as is graduations, births, deaths, going away and coming home parties. There are cards to buy for every occasion under the sun. Hallmark doesn’t miss a thing!

    Advertising got us to this point. Although other countries share in the advertising double-cross, in America the Federal Trade Commission is the highest authority. This commission has the responsibility of regulating laws and rules of advertising. Now, although there is much negligence in the way the FTC governs advertising to adults, I want to get your attention by shedding a little light on what they allow to be advertised to our children.

    According to the FTC there was 1.6 billion dollars spent in 2006 for advertising to our children. Interestingly enough, there is no universal definition of a child when it comes to advertising. National jurisdiction is supposed to define a child. For the purposes of advertising law, the definition of a child varies from one jurisdiction to another. It seems that,  12 is commonly used as a cut-off point, on the basis of the widespread academic view that by the age of 12 children have developed their behavior as consumers, effectively recognize advertising and are able to adopt critical attitudes towards it.

    My oldest daughter is 12 and I have another daughter that’s 10. I would say that my children are definitely true to their age based on maturity. My kids are far more Disney channel and Nickelodeon than anything else. They are still naïve and innocent (Thanks to God!) and they don’t look at commercials and think to themselves, “Wow! That product was geared toward me.” My daughters were watching TV the other day and I noticed a commercial for Dove body spray which had a young girl in the commercial. Afterwards, I asked my daughters did they want to try the product, they responded, “what product?” I smiled. You get that response by limiting the amount of TV.

    In any event, you can take a five-year-old down the cereal aisle and watch their expression. Look at where the eyes of the characters on the cereal box are focusing. Who are they staring at? There is a psychology to advertising that should not be allowed. Christmas can almost be considered an attack against us. A deliberate plan to get us to spend money – money some of us don’t have. Our banking system is in cahoots as we are allowed credit limits which exceed our actual earnings. Although it may be too late for us adults, I wonder what it would be like, if the U.S. and the FTC adopted the same guidelines as other countries in regards to its advertising to children 12 and under.

    In the United Kingdom, Greece, Denmark and Belgium advertising to children is restricted, and in Quebec, Sweden and Norway, advertising to children under the age of 12 is illegal.

    The European Union also has framework legislation in place which sets down minimum provisions on advertising to children for its 27 member States. The EU Audiovisual Media Services Directive sets out several EU-wide rules concerning advertising to children:

    Advertising shall not cause moral or physical detriment to minors, and shall therefore comply with the following criteria for their protection:

    a. it shall not directly exhort minors to buy a product or a service by exploiting their inexperience or credulity;

    b. it shall not directly encourage minors to persuade their parents or others to purchase the goods or services being advertised;

    c. it shall not exploit the special trust minors place in parents, teachers or other persons;

    d. it shall not unreasonably show minors in dangerous situations

    e. Children’s programmes may only be interrupted if the scheduled duration is longer than 30 minutes

    f. Product placement is not allowed in children’s programmes.

    g. The Member States and the Commission should encourage audiovisual media service providers to develop codes of conduct regarding the advertising of certain foods in children’s programmes.

    Source: Television broadcasting activities: “Television without Frontiers” (TVWF) Directive from europa.eu

  • Who’s your daddy?

    A young lady, after seeing the country embrace Mother’s Day, thought to establish Father’s Day. This young woman’s father was a Civil War veteran and had to raise a newborn with five of his other children following the death of his wife at the newborn’s birth. This woman recalls the love and tender care her father had for their family and that fact that he raised them on his own.

    Her campaign led to the 1966 proclamation by then President Lyndon B. Johnson declaring Father’s Day to be the third Sunday in June.

    It seems that the role of the father was short-lived in the home as the liberation of women, equal opportunity for women and minorities and the media all contributed to the destruction of the father.

    Now this is not to say that there are not any great fathers today – there are tons. There are still men who care and love their families and have contributed greatly to the success of their children and their mental stability.

    What I am saying is that the number of truly great dad’s pale in comparison to the number that are bad, don’t care, are not trying or think they have done enough.

    America began to abandon its puritanical concept at the beginning of women’s liberation. Women needed to be liberated from the stereotypical roles forced on them by society. Along with these rules, women were trapped in these roles because our laws at the time did not protect them or provide a way for them to earn a decent living.

    Moreover, there were no guarantees to force the men to care for their children if they left.

    Today, new laws have given women the chance to earn just as much money as a man. She is now free to open her own door, die in wars, hear all the dirty jokes they want and stand up on crowded buses and subways without a man giving up his seat.

    And now the men are just free.

    When the women did the work that was stereotypically given to men, men did not, in turn, begin doing their work. This led to women having to work 40 hours or more per week and then come home and cook, clean and look after the kids. There still isn’t a rule that says a man even has to help, although it would be nice.

    Following liberation and new laws, the media helped to ensure that the role of the father would never be the same.

    The father went from being the steady, solid rock in the home that gave stability to the family and reinforced their core values, to being the buffoon and tail-end of all the jokes. If you are an avid TV watcher or at least enjoy watching TV land and Nick-at-Nite on cable, you will recall strong fathers like Ward Cleaver, Andy Griffith and Howard Cunningham. These fathers were traded in for weaker fathers such as Fred Flintstone, Fred Sanford and Archie Bunker.

    Then it got even worse as Peter Griffin (Family Guy), Homer Simpson and Cleveland Brown (the Cleveland show) began to dominate the sitcoms. These TV fathers helped shape expectations of fathers in the home. They have contributed to the destruction of the family and made dad nothing but a joke.

    We truly need a day to celebrate dads. I hope that it would be a day that males could be educated on what it takes to be a “real” dad. We need to remember when fathers chose to make sure their families knew they were loved, safe and secure. A time when fathers made sure their families never had to worry about them not coming home. We need to be reminded of a time when the fathers were the real heroes in their families and not some cartoon or some other fictitious character, but imitators in all aspects of our Father in heaven.

  • Racism – is it really all just in our heads?

    Clyde is traveling in Nashville this week and asked me to “fill in” for him with a post about an article I ran across on MSNBC about children with a rare genetic disorder that causes them to ignore race and skin color. Learn more about what this unusual condition is teaching us about the origins of racism and gender stereotypes.

    Ann M. Richardson

    I read an article today about children born with a rare genetic disorder known as Williams syndrome that causes them to have a complete lack of social anxiety.

    An interesting by-product of this defect is that the children have no racial biases, according to a researcher from the University of Heidelberg in Germany.

    Normally, children show clear preferences for their own ethnic group by the age of three, or sooner, according to other research. In fact, children without the defect consistently associate positive traits (friendliness, kindness, etc.) to people that are the same race as themselves.

    When asked a negative question, “Which is the naughty boy?” children without Williams syndrome indicate that the naughty boy is the one from the “other” race.

    Williams syndrome is caused by the absence of a gene that affects the brain and other organs. People with this syndrome are “hypersocial,” meaning that they don’t experience the anxiety, nervousness, and self-consciousness that plague the rest of us – especially adolescents.

    Sounds like it would be great if we all had Williams syndrome, doesn’t it?

    Can you imagine what it would be like to live in a world where no one hated anyone just because of the color of their skin or their ethnic background? And no one got the jitters when they had to speak in front of a group of people?

    Sounds like utopia to me.

    But Williams syndrome does have some drawbacks.

    Kids with Williams syndrome (WS) will put themselves at risk to help someone else while giving no thought for their own safety. Despite considerable empathy for others, the disorder leaves them unable to process and assess what scientists call “social danger signals.”

    Or what I call a lack of plain old “street smarts.” The kind of wariness that tells you when to walk away (or even run) from a fight – or when “something just doesn’t feel right.”

    Not surprisingly, this lack of street smarts puts WS kids at greater risk for rape and physical assault.

    So is racism really “all in our heads?” Or is it all biological? And if it is biological, can we do anything about it?

    According to researcher Andreas Meyer-Lindenburg, WS kids may be missing critical genes, but:

    “We are not saying that this is all biologically-based and you can’t do anything about it [racial bias]. Just because there is a genetic way to knock the system out, does not mean the system itself is 100 percent genetic,” he said.

    The study shows that racism requires social fear. “If social fear was culturally reduced, racial stereotypes could also be reduced,” Meyer-Lindenberg said.

    Another interesting thing learned from this study: although children with Williams may lack street smarts, they do hold gender stereotypes just as strongly as normal children.

    Meyer-Lindenberg says that we now know that “gender and race are processed by different brain mechanisms,” Meyer-Lindenberg said. Other researchers have learned that in the brains of people with WS, the amygdala — where our emotions reside — fails to respond to social threats. While the amygdala is normal, it is misdirected by the pre-frontal cortex — the CEO of the brain — to block all social anxiety.

    Scientists theorize that this interaction in the brain affects racism, but it does not seem to play a role in the formation of gender stereotypes.

    Meyer-Lindenberg and his colleagues at the University of Heidelberg are using brain imaging to get a clearer picture of how racism and sexism are differentiated in the brain.

    The German study was published in the journal Current Biology.

    Click here to read the complete article I read on MSNBC.

    Clyde will return this Sunday – in the meantime, share your comments with me about this article.

    Let me know what you think:

    • Is racism due to nature or nurture? Do we learn it or is it biological?
    • If it is biological, can we do anything about it?
    • And what are the implications of this research? Will we soon have a”pill” available that eliminates racism?

  • Yes, we really can!

    This week I decided to try something a little different and let a friend of mine take the podium. And her topic dovetails nicely with a post I am writing for next week.

    Ann Richardson is a friend (disclaimer) and a former colleague of mine from my newspaper days. She shares a lot of my views and we both think it is because we share the same birthday! Enjoy!

    And stay tuned for next Sunday’s post when I share my two cents worth with you about the great health care reform debate!

    If you’ve been watching the news lately, it’s no secret that obesity in the United States has exploded. Recent statistics say that over half of all adults in the U.S. are either overweight or obese.

    And unfortunately, obesity is becoming all too common in our children, too – disproportionately affecting minority kids (African American, Native American, and Hispanic).

    Being overweight as a kid increases the risk of developing high cholesterol, hypertension, respiratory ailments, orthopedic problems, depression, and Type 2 diabetes.

    In 2000, the total cost of obesity for children and adults in the United States was estimated to be $117 billion ($61 billion in direct medical costs).

    We need to do something – NOW – because all of this is preventable.

    I was delighted to hear that Michelle Obama has made it her own personal crusade to fight childhood obesity during her tenure as First Lady.

    Mrs. Obama has at least one ally in her fight – and he lives in Boulder, Colorado.

    I learned about Rob Nagler when I ran across an article in Sunset magazine about the nonprofit organization he founded whose goal is to make walking and biking to school a part of every kid’s daily routine.

    According to the article in Sunset, in 1969 about 88% of kids who lived within a mile of their grade schools either walked or biked to school. Today, only about 16% do.

    That’s a statistic that Nagler decided to help change – starting with his own two kids and their classmates at their Boulder, Colorado school.

    Nagler, a computer engineer, found a way to track kids who rode their bikes or walked to school by installing a solar-powered scanning device at school. The device reads an ID tag placed on a child’s backpack or bike helmet and uploads the data into an online database.

    Each child (and the school) can track their progress – and keep tabs on the “incentives” that each kid earns as he/she racks up the miles. The incentives are small, but fun – like colored plastic bracelets that denote a different level of achievement; stickers; and the ultimate in cool prizes: an iPod.

    Boltage is a very successful program. Fifteen schools in four states have installed the devices and have programs of their own.

    But don’t take my word for it: check out the scoreboard on their site.

    As of Dec. 1, 2009, the kids have:

    • Walked/biked more than 258,000 miles
    • Burned more than 9.2 million calories
    • Saved 24, 306 gallons of gasoline
    • Made 184,423 round trips between home/school
    • Saved 482,083 lbs. of carbon

    Pretty impressive!

    The kids love it.

    And they’re learning to make exercise part of their daily routine – while reaping the health benefits of an active lifestyle and doing what they can to help the environment.

    Boltage’s goal is to reach 40,000 public schools – will your school be the next one to start a program?

    If you want to start a Boltage program at your local school, click this link to the Boltage website.  If you want to read more about the Boltage story, click this link to a PDF copy of the story I read in Sunset magazine.

    

  • Breaking up is hard to do

    Marriage has become big business – especially in the United States.

    Not only do we spend a fortune on daddy’s little girl’s special day, but the lawyers in the divorce settlement get to have their “special day,” too!

    On average, fifty percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce.

    The occupation you and your spouse choose may also have an effect on divorce statistics.

    If you are a clergyperson, the divorce rate dips to 20 percent (probably due to pressure from Protestant churches – most won’t accept a minister who is single).  But if you are in law enforcement, that number swells to 70 percent.

    But no matter where you fall on the divorce meter, divorce is still a traumatic event. Few husbands and wives consider the need for calm, rational thinking while making decisions that affect not only the adults, but impact the children, too.

    Many important decisions need to be made when a couple is considering divorce. But at some point, things often get so bad that one or both partners decide that they can’t stand to be around each other any longer – let alone conduct a rational discussion.

    What was once thought to be love has now turned into hate. here is no agreement on anything. There is no such thing as a compromise. And as a result, there is no peace in the household.

    Add kids to this volatile mix and now you have something very explosive.

    Like a drive-by shooting, I have seen a spouse use the kids as a shield to block insults or send them to the soon-to-be-ex in the form of an emotional bomb.

    Don’t be fooled. This isn’t a marriage anymore – it’s now a war!

    One couple I counseled was masterful at this.

    When the wife wanted to leave, the husband deflected her insults about men by telling their six-year-old son that when his mom made disparaging comments about men, she meant all men – including him!

    In another case, the wife sent her young daughter to her husband after he announced that he was leaving her because of her drinking problem. The daughter looked at her dad with those cute little brown eyes and said, “Daddy, why are you leaving us?”

    Breaking up is hard to do because you have to learn again how to talk to each other, be civil, and choose not to retaliate or play the tit-for-tat game.

    Plus you also have to consider the kids FIRST in everything.

    Divorce is like a war – but no matter who is left standing at the end, there is no winner. All sides lose – especially the kids.

    I’ve had to teach couples how to be cordial, how to react, how to avoid extra hurt for the kids and how to be fair.

    I have to remind them that their decisions shouldn’t have anything to do with the spouse and everything to do with the quality of person they are.

    We as humans tend to trade our good qualities for bad ones when we’re angry or emotionally upset.

    One might question if we really had the good qualities in the first place.

    A marriage and family therapist would be worth his/her weight in gold if couples were to start out with one for premarital counseling and then keep the therapist around for the first few years of the marriage.

    This is the answer to the divorce problem everywhere!

    Couples who divorce must learn how to compromise and how to give up “self” for the sake of the kids.

    Isn’t that interesting?

    If it’s possible that during divorce proceedings a couple can learn how to compromise and not be selfish, I wonder what would happen if they learned these things before they married?

    Maybe divorce attorneys would become an endangered species.