Posted in Accepted, Confidence, Determination, Forgiveness, Happiness, Mind Power, Perseverance, Progress, Relationships, Self, Success, Taking Responsibility

The psychology of disappointment

So you had an expectation of something — that’s how it starts. Then you feel that you deserve that expectations fulfillment. Excitement follows. Expectation grows and an adrenaline rush ensues.

Then suddenly something unexpected, uncontrollable or undeserving happens and all you were left with is disappointment.

Disappointment is hard to swallow. It doesn’t go down easy. It causes heartaches.

Chasing disappointment is anger. Anger allows the feeling of disappointment to linger. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment. You can experience periods of sadness, depression and resentment.

It’s as if disappointment laughs at you. It calls out to you saying, “who told you to have expectations?” Disappointment burns.

To protect ourselves we need to stop having expectations for anyone but ourselves. The likelihood of you letting down yourself should be less.

Do yourself a favor and don’t desire something to a level that leads to greater expectation and possible disappointment. Your emotional orientation takes a hard hit everytime you do.

Posted in Accountability, Achievement, Change, Confidence, Determination, Fear, freedom, Happiness, Life, Love, Perseverance, Progress, Self, significance, Taking Responsibility, Uncategorized

How hungry are you?

When we think of hunger, we think in terms of the absence of food. But being hungry can actually represent any phase of your life where you are trying to advance.

You can be hungry for success, hungry for wealth, hungry for relationships or hungry for the sake of hunger. It is interesting the factors that decide whether we stay hungry or not. Fighters who are successful and have gotten comfortable with the title, often fight against success.

Let me be clear: On the way to the title, a fighter would eat, drink and sleep that title. They would dream of what it would be like to taste victory. But once obtained a fighter needs to work harder at keeping that title because there is normally 9 or 10 other contenders who have never tasted the title and that becomes their fuel.

In business as you climb the corporate ladder there are colleagues coming behind you that want your spot. You just got it and they are hungry for it. There is always someone coveting your position.

But I really want to focus on what makes us stop. What are the things that make us not reach the goal? You see, success can do that to you, but failure can too. When you have failed 9, 19, 29, 39 times, it’s hard to make that additional attempt because too much of your past says you can’t do it.

Further, we can actually be our own worst enemy with this. We get worried and start to doubt our own ability. Then the voice inside of you that is supposed to be “for” you ends up saying and causing the worst damage. You will hear yourself say, “you are out of your league.” “You can’t do that!” “Who do you think you are?”

Sadly, we don’t need folks from the outside to “stick it to us”, we do it ourselves. What goals have you abandoned because you just were not hungry enough? What are you missing out on right now because you did not follow through or you just gave up? What areas of your life are not fulfilled because you didn’t fulfill it?

It is never too late. You need to empty yourself of the impurities that are making it difficult for you to eat and regain your hunger! You started the journey and your destination is not as far as you think. You owe it to yourself to get there. You can do it!

Posted in Accepted, Achievement, Change, Confidence, Determination, Faith, Fear, Forgiveness, God, Greed, Grief

Failed expectations

There are people in this world that imitate animals. You have the Alpha Male who figures the Lion. Gentle giant men have the image of the grizzly bear and then there are the people who love to act like snakes, rats or chameleons. These are the people who have no problem betraying others. There is no level of consciousness that is disturbed by their distrust.

Betrayal comes from expectations that are not met. It’s the breaking on trust and the vengeance from misunderstanding.

In Greek Mythology Jason was with Medea and they had kids together and everything. All of a sudden he decides to leave her with the kids stating that they were not married anyway. Jason was off to marry a local king’s daughter. To pay him back Medea kills the kids.

Benedict Arnold fought side by side with George Washington and had his trust. He was considered a trusted soldier and friend to Washington until he defected to the British in 1780. Arnold went down in history as a symbol of betrayal.

The question this blog asks is how does it feel to betray someone? How does it feel in your heart? How does it feel just before the betrayal is realized? How do you live with yourself? What kind of person do you have to be to overcome the negative feelings of betrayal? What will your conscious allow?

It’s clear that your spirit has to settle into being a rat or a snake, but is there any coming back from that? Mr. Arnold would probably tell you no, there is no coming back. The anger towards those that betray always seems to be met with death — whether that be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Hopefully, we can avoid this concept and realize the opposite is greater. Let loyalty ring!

Posted in Accepted, Accountability, Achievement, Change, Confidence, Discipleship, Faith, God, Jesus Christ, Progress, Self, Success, Truth

Happy birthday to me

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Today I turn 49 years old. It is hard to believe that when I was 16 years old I did not think I would make it to age 30. It was because there were gangs in Detroit and Black males between the ages of 18 and 34 were killing each other or going to jail.

So, I made it…and some. I have learned so much between the ages of 16 and 32 and now 32 to 49 I believe that I have arrived in a few areas and I would like to share.

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First, I am thoroughly convinced that I am overall a good person and I love me unconditionally. I make mistakes, I am flawed, I still carry a level of inmaturity and I’m OK with all of that. I love being me and I would not trade that for the world.

Second, I do not have or own anything that I am not willing to part with. Understand what I am saying, all material things serve as my enjoyment, but I can give them up in a heartbeat. Furthermore, my “status” in life does not define me. I am a pastor, author, business owner, psychotherapist and family man and if it all ended today it would be well with my soul. The reason is because I understand that all of these things came with an expiration date. If my bible study is correct, my real treasure is in heaven.

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The last thing I will share is that I am most proud of this truth: I am my own man. I am free to do as I please and I chose to serve Jesus the Christ. I understand that whatever I set my mind to do, I can do it. I am not loyal to any earthly group and my belief and ideas are not shared or pressured with a common interest. I am a driver. I make things happen and I fix things. I have many items available to help in my tool belt and I am an agent of change. I am a healer.

So as I celebrate the day of my birth, I thank all who thought to give me a shout or post something on social media. I am praying for continued growth, health and strength but most importantly that I can always live with the person I see in the mirror. Thank you God that I am not a sellout and I understand that I have been purchased already and my soul is not for sale. More on this in 364 days!

Posted in Accountability, Achievement, Confidence, Discipleship, Faith, freedom, God, Happiness, Honor, Life, Prayer, Progress, Relationships, Religious Freedom, Self, society, Success, Taking Responsibility, Worship

We owe him praise

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It seems as though God should get praise and glory for the things he has given us and done for us. No one would argue that we serve an awesome God who can do everything and has everything.

Well, he has definitely blessed his people, but sometimes his people will not tell the tale about what he has done in their lives. It’s like some of us are ashamed to be blessed.

We want to help out in secret. We want to keep quiet the excitement in our hearts when God has shown up and showed out.

Nicodemus was not without reason when he had Jesus over in the evening. You see he was a Pharisee and they refused to believe who he was. Nicodemus saw Jesus do enough things that he wanted to get to know him, but not at the expense of his relationship with the religious sect.

Today we don’t have such a dilemma because it is actually fashionable to claim Jesus.

The other issue that I have is that some of us are living a struggle every day of our Christian lives. We are living that struggle so much that it now seems like the norm. If we followed the scriptures, particular the psalms and proverbs we would live better than most people. There is advice in there about finances, folly and females. There is info for personal growth and development, but we must not be reading. So then, to pray to God for something he already granted is vain.

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Not to sound like a complainer, but my only point is that God deserves credit for the things he has done in our life. When you have overcome, it needs to be shared with others who are struggling in the faith. This is something that our fellowship demands and our posterity depends on.

So don’t hold back, share God’s blessing, give your testemony and honor our Father in heaven for he is more than worthy! Amen!

Posted in Change, Confidence, Faith, Forgiveness, Free Will, freedom, God, guilt, Happiness, Health, helping, Jesus Christ, judgment, Justice, Life, Love, Obey, Opinions, Progress, Relationships, Religion, significance, Taking Responsibility, Truth

Is your church a placebo?

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So we know that the church is the body of Christ and Christ’s kingdom here on earth.

He reigns supreme in this gathering of believers. Some might call it cultish due to the unfeigned faith each member has for the king.

Throughout the New Testament one can find many examples of how the body of Christ functions and relates to head of the body. And from here its even easier to see how the relationship with the head effects the horizontal relationships throughout the membership.

So, things like service, forgiveness, unconditional love, faithfulness, compassion, truth and longsuffering should abound in such places. There is a definite togetherness and sense of having all things in common among the believers. Judgement has no place here, only encouragement to be the best you can be and assistance when you stumble.

A placebo is a measure designed merely to calm, please or pacify another. It is more for a psychological benefit than for any spiritual effect. A placebo church only exists as a method to control. It is only a form of godliness, but it denies the power there of.

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The largest problem with this type of church is there is no spiritual growth, there is no support, there is no fellowship and there is no forgiveness. When trouble comes you are on your own. When Satan attacks you are judged instead of helped.

You stay in this system because it looks right, but it is far from righteousness. So I ask you this day: Is your church a placebo and more importantly why are you still there?

Posted in Accountability, Achievement, Beauty, Change, Confidence, Discipleship, Faith, Forgiveness, Giving, God, Jesus Christ, Justice, Light, Obey, Progress, Self, society, Truth

How bright is your light?

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We are consciously aware of the spiritual warfare going on inside of us. The physical world that we live in is a manifestation of that war.

When we see the darkness of this world, it sometimes looks like we are losing the spiritual battle. We see sin reign, hatred in abundance and ego elevated beyond the heights of selfishness.

Somehow we lost sight of God’s plan…or did we ever know it?

Here’s the plan: God wanted to show his goodness to us so he gave us grace and mercy. We were to show our gratitude through imitation of his son and obedience. The model he gave us was the burning bush. If we are doing it correctly then we would be surrounded by the fires of this world, but never consumed. We would remain in this state until he sent his son back to get us.

He would take us from the burning bush to a new tabernacle not made with hands. We would then dwell with him forever. But in the mean time we are to simply let our lights shine bright in the mist of this dark world. We were never supposed to eliminate the darkness but create as much light as we could.

The light would be in the forms of love, justice, forgiveness, service and goodness. Despite the evils of this world, our God wants to see the flourishing beauty he created. He expects for this creation to not conform to the world, but be transformed by a renewed mind. This is creation is precious to him. He called this creation Christians!