ClydeStyle

Category: friend

  • A network of togetherness

    There is something to be said for being together. Our closeness or unity or connection to another person or group of folks quenches the thirsty we have for belonging. As humans we need to be a part of something — good or bad we need to belong. We yearn for inclusion and to be entangled with other people.

    Togetherness is defined as a state or feeling of closeness and happiness among people who are together as friends, family members, etc. Some have several groups they associate with. In these groups you should find all you need to balance your life such as encouragement, support, wisdom, intimacy, family, networking and entertainment.

    Togetherness is so important that we should have a societal rule that everyone must be a part of a crew. You choose your own crew but your Togetherness will also be charged for trouble you get in. That alone would make us choose our friends more closely and truly be our brothers keeper!

    Togetherness greatly helps with mental health issues and it single handedly lowers suicide rates. In fact, overall crime goes down in areas where people cluster together in unity. Many foreigners to this country take their togetherness to a foreign land and excel! They live in close quarters together for a time to save money and get ahead. So two families may move together and live together here. All able-bodied individuals work and the money made is shared with the cluster. Each family helps the other get ahead and they slowly bring in more families as others advance.

    This just proves that we are better together. We were created to be a part of a pair that would have the ability to increase it’s nunber and the. They would all work together and look out for each other. We also call this a family!

    I remember the crew I had in junior high, high school and college. Then I had a different group of professionals when I entered the workforce. As far back as I can recall, I have never existed without a crew. And all of my groups were successful. How about you my friends? Do you have a crew? Do you support your crew? Is your group successful? Can you rely on them? These are very important questions if you plan to get by with a little help from your friends!

  • Can your friends pass the rain test?

    Rochester, New York carries the distinction of consistently having the most rainy days in America. At 167 days on average, the good folks who live there have to keep an umbrella handy. And if we can us rain as a metaphor for trouble then to live a life with almost half of the days of the year being full of trouble wouldn’t make for a good life.

    With that much trouble you can’t help but blame yourself for your troubles. There are people sitting in prison right now angry over decisions that went wrong. Some trouble is expected in life but not that much. On the contrary, what would it take to have a life almost void of trouble? The sun shines in Arizona 85 percent of the time. You would think it would be called the sunshine state. So the sun and the rain symbolize the good and the bad and my point here is to analyze what separates the two.

    We know that decisions play a huge role but I believe the one holding your umbrella shares in the copability. I guess because of the way I feel about connectiveness and relationships it seems that if I’m holding your umbrella that I’m going to make sure you don’t get wet. Now every one doesn’t have the ability or desire to take responsibility for another person’s actions. I just believe that if we are truly partners then whatever is in me to do for you, I will do it. This is actually a biblical principle as the bible says that God shall supply all our needs according to his riches in glory (Phil. 4:19). Said another way it means that God will be using all of his resources to ensure we thrive. Is it possible to be that friendly with someone?

    The point is this: Our arsenal of friends should include soldiers who are dedicated to your success and well being. Likewise, you should be the flipside of that for your team. Make sure the folks in your circle really belong.

  • Being a friend

    There seems to be a shortage of true friends in this world. Social media can be down right evil sometimes. It gives everyone a reality show and truth be told, every thing that goes on in your life is not meant for prime time! You see, social media just wants the “show”. And they will use your life, identity, click bait and other avenues just to keep people watching so money can be made off the advertisements.

    This is where the true friend should come in. Your close friend is supposed to be a person who has proven that you can trust them, lean on them, be vulnerable with them and just be your entire self — good or bad– with them. The friend is the one who stops you from making stupid decisions that could lead to your demise. Your friend is supposed to be the eyes in the back of your head, the hell raiser when times get really bad and your defender when needed. Based on what we can see daily on just one social medium is enough to say we are failing at being true friends.

    When I see an embarrassing moment on social media I immediately think to myself, “Oh, if they just had a real friend.” I see women and men make completely idiots of themselves and become the entertainment for the world because they struggled to deal with some relationship issue. Someone treated them wrong, or made them look like a fool or both. These hurt people then go before the social media gods seeking approval, sympathy and support for their troubles. But all they become is a sideshow of comedy for people who could care less about the truth or the real story of what happened in your life.

    A friend is supposed to stop you from looking like an idiot. Social media is NOT your friend. So the next time you see some foolishness online that makes you shake your head or laugh out loud, think about the absence of that friend who could have prevented all the foolishness. If you are one of those people who believe telling all your business on social media is acceptable, please understand NOBODY CARES. I know you think you are telling it to a group of folks who carry the label of your “friends” but it really is just in name only. Even if you have the maximum of 5000 friends on your list, the lion’s share of them still don’t care.

    Don’t believe me? Go on Facebook and ask everyone on your friends list to send you $1 and see if the amount you receive matches your total number of friends. I promise you it won’t come close!

  • We were robbed!

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    Happy New Year!

    This is the time for reflection and change in our lives and hopefully life’s lessons have taught us well enough that we are heeding the call and understanding what we must do to be better. By heeding the call I mean you are actually listening to your inner reflections on your past and adjusting accordingly.

    It seems that for some of us our inner voice is “spot on” with reality and helps us out greatly in our decision making. Then there are others who’s inner voice is wounded and we need a little help to make sure what is said is correct and not detrimental to us.

    This is all important because we live among thieves. Thieves are all over the place and we all have a little thievery in us. We all don’t loot or rob people at gunpoint, but what I mean is we steal another persons time, energy and space. We rob people of their joy and happiness and we steal ideas and concepts, friends and lovers and items of clothing like there is no tomorrow. It’s hard to be angry with someone when at some level you are doing the same thing. However, as we mature our thievery should subside. We should not be as taxing on our friends and families and we should be more giving with our own resources.

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    So when you evaluate the people in your life, this tends to be a common denominator when deciding who should stay and who should go. As we get older it becomes more difficult to deal with theft. So we excomunicate them from our lives.

    To help you with this task of elimination, I submit four categories of thieves. The first is called commensalism and these are the thieves that are like suckerfish who ride along with the shark to grab his leftovers. These fish do not bother the Shark, but they exist and thrive because of the shark. These would be your family, particularly your kids (17 and under) and older parents. There is such an obligation to help this bunch that this really becomes a labor of love. In addtion, you may have brothers or sisters in Christ who you have helped them get out of foolishness in the past and since they continue to get better, you continue to help them progress in anyway you can. This group will burn a lot of your energy but the results are priceless.

    The next group is parasitism and these are the folks are flat out selfish. Family is not excluded from this category. These folks do almost everything at your expense. It is their consistent selfish behavior that makes them so toxic that you have to decide how much more you can take. With this group, over 90 percent is them taking from you. It is even possible for you to be in denial of this and allow them to continue.

    The next group I refer to as spitefulism. I may have invented this word but the meaning is real. This is when two people are together and their brain’s pleasure center allows them to be so taxing on eachother that both are suffering from the interaction. I have seen these couples in counseling. They have come to me and neither party wants to give up anything. This proves that some people should have never hooked up. How do you stay in a relationship where both people are miserable and neither wants to get help. This behavior leds to eventual self-distruction.

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    The final group is mutualism and this is exactly what it sounds like: Both parties benefit from eachother. In this relation you don’t mind giving so that there is no thievery. This can be with a spouse, sibling or friend.

    So now you have been blessed to see another year. The longer we live, the better life should get. If life is not getting better, this is the first indicator that something is wrong. Choose this day who will be in your life. Part of our free will is having the choice to chose our circles. Choose wisely my friend. Because although there is not a precise measure of your stress to life ratio, what is certain is that stress is killing you. Not only is stress killing you, but there are already people plotting for your stuff.

  • Is it really yours?

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    You know the old saying that if you let something go and if it comes back to you, then it truly belongs to you? I just wonder how practical the application of this saying would be today. I mean, I think that some of us may have taken for granted the people in our lives. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the importance of people under our jursidiction and we really need a wake up call.

    So imagine if you are the boss over a company or you are managing several employees, do you think that if they were released and given another job making the same money, they would stay with you? In the business world we believe sometimes that people get trapped and they don’t have choices. Are we taking advantage of them and treating them horribly because we can? As a leader are you making the environment your employees work in beneficial to them so that they can do the best job possible? Or have you made the place so in your favor that your colleagues hate the company and you? It should not take an episode of “Undercover Bosses” to make you do the right thing. The highest boss is watching and you will have to answer to him.
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    Let’s take this a step further and look at the family because I wonder how many children would stay with their same parents. For those of you with children, do you believe that your offspring would gladly stay with you if they had another opportunity. I’m not talking about riches or a bigger house, I’m speaking pound for pound, comparing apples to apples, given a choice would your children stay with you? That’s a hard question for some and not meant to ruin anyone’s week, but we need to take a step back sometimes and see if what we think we are accomplishing is good and for the betterment of the people God has placed us over.

    Now for the finale, when you look at your marriage do you believe your spouse would come back to you if he or she had the option to leave with no strings attached? Think before you answer. Do you make your spouse feel that he or she is the perfect match for you? Do they feel God’s full blessing being with you or would they rather be single? Is this even something you can talk about? Has chasing after success in life or bitterness or past failures turned you into an asshole? Don’t look at me, I didn’t say it your spouse may have! I just want you to take an honest look at your situation.
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    Life is too short to spend the rest of it with someone who repels you. So before they sneak and talk to an attorney about their options, wouldn’t it be more cost effective for you to have that “come to Jesus talk” with them and say you’re sorry and you want to be better? If you really and truly love the person you are with, you owe it too yourself and your spouse a true confession and a heartfelt apology. Then you would spend your life prioritizing things in order of importance and you would begin with your relationship.

    Don’t listen to the voice in your head that says this task is too much. It is just what your relationship needs. Be the leader you claim you are and lead in this effort to make your life better.

  • I’m not the Wolverine

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    One of the heroes from Marvel comics Xmen series is a character called the Wolverine. This character has the ability to heal himself at an accelerated rate, making it nearly impossible to destroy him.

    Imagine that. With every hurt comes almost instantaneous healing. No scratches. No scars. No fuss. You cut him one minute and in less than 30 seconds he’s healed.

    This is not a point where art imitates life. It’s the contrary.

    Sometimes we say things to each other that really hurt. The whole “sticks and stones” saying is a lie: Words cut! And the problem is that we are not the Wolverine. We take time to heal and depending on how deep the cut, it could take years.

    Now imagine being in a relationship with someone who constantly cuts you with their words and you do not have a chance to heal before the next cut. And this person does not give you any assistance in the healing. They just cut away at their leisure.

    And then you tell them it hurts and to please stop. You become vulnerable with them and because of the close relationship you thought you had established, you pointed out the areas that would hurt the most. And instead of honoring and protecting those areas, they come at you like Freddy Krueger and continue to stab.

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    To subject yourself to years of that is sick. To think that it will get better is psychotic. And to allow it to continue exposes just how much you love yourself. You enter into a relationship with another person to make each other better, not worse. There are people who bring out the worst in us and there are people, praise God, who bring out the best.

    Life is too short and you are not the Wolverine. You have been taking cuts for far too long. It’s time for you to make some cuts and empty your life of all those carrying knives. This will be the best Independence Day of all!

  • The fellowship of our unity

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    In 1 John we are told that if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanses us from all sin. This is easier said than done.

    So to help with this principle God created fellowship. For cleansing of the blood we need fellowship with Christ, but to stay in covenant relationship with Christ we need the fellowship of the saints.

    Surrounding ourselves with like minded people who are striving for the same thing and are of the same mind and judgment, is crucial to our souls staying saved.

    Sadly, we take for granted this privilege and forsake our coming together. We begin to judge the people coming together as if we have no sin and we try to make a buffet of the people — choosing to be around some and not others. We fail to hold up our end of the fellowship bargain by our bias.

    Jesus died that we might try to keep the unity. He wanted us to prefer another over ourselves and he expected us to be known by the love we have one for another.

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    It is to the point that today saved members of the Lord’s church are starving for the true fellowship of the brotherhood. Saints are searching for a fellowship with real unconditional love instead of conditional clicks. We yearn for a deeper fellowship of believers who are looking to help one another and not hinder. We want a fellowship that encourages and does not discourage. We are hopeful to find this fellowship before Jesus returns.

    Is this true fellowship found at your congregation??

  • No middle ground

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    We are a society of extremes — and it doesn’t have to be that way. The way things are going we will of course destroy our planet and ourselves.

    There seems to be no middle ground that anyone wants to choose. Think about it? We live in a world where people actual starve to death. And then on the other side of the world there are people so obese that they struggle through their lives suffering from degenerative diseases until they die.

    We have generations of people in poverty living in conditions that are deplorable and then just a few days journey away, there are people so wealthy that it would take 4 generations to spend it all.

    This crazy world has Christians that practice hate, record keeping of wrongdoing and feel murder can be justified, while there are atheist seeking to live in peace and harmony.

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    There are workoholics who hold down two and three jobs at a time while others can’t seem to find one job.

    The question today is what will it take to move us to the center? Get rid of the media? Seek Jesus for real? Eliminate big business? I want to raise our conscious level higher so that we are more sensitive to our fellow man.

    Did it work? I would love to hear your feedback.

  • The importance of my well being

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    I understand psychologically that I can not see myself, all I see is a reflection. All of these images I see of myself need help from the people that actually see me. Therefore it is the images I see in conjunction with what is said that allows me to come close to seeing my actual self.

    With this in mind, the people who I surround myself with become extremely important. I need for the people I allow in my inner circle to be beneficial to me. I want them to feel that I am beneficial to them, but they have to be able to add value to my life.

    If we spend the majority of a 24 hour day sleeping, working, eating and traveling, then that means there is not much time left to make a positive impact.

    This means coming home has to be in question. Is my house for me or against me? Am I really replenished while being at home or is my household just adding to my stress?

    Is the time I spend traveling during the day beneficial? The type of music I listen to, the people I talk to on the phone and even the ride to work now matter in regard to my well being.

    Sleep is one of the most important things you can give to your body. Am I getting enough uninterrupted sleep?

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    I also need to be concerned about the things I eat and drink. This has a huge effect on my wellness. I need to seek whole food without man-made additives. It’s hard to do in the US but not impossible.

    This message is about how we handle this gift called life and the body God put it in. If you understand that the life you have is only because of Christ, then how are you treating this beautiful gift he gave you?

  • Reaching full potential

    We have all heard the old adage of “fake it, til you make it” and of course we know what this means. This speaks directly to potential. One of the saddest states to be in is to look back at you life and realize that you did not develop to your full potential. The only scenario worse is to be at the funeral of a person who never reached their full potential.

    Potential is defined as something that can develop or become actual. It’s not automatic and it’s not always the end of the world when it doesn’t happen. I have a friend who had the opportunity to play professional basketball. He got a college education out of the deal, but every now and then he looks at his life and thinks about the what ifs. He has actually done well for himself, but he can’t see that because he’s caught up looking at what didn’t happen instead of enjoying what did.

    There are many people living like this and what’s worse here is that some of them live their lives out as failures. They carry this defeating attitude with them where ever they go. Their view of the world becomes skewed as to see everything as a negative. They are truly wounded.

    What they need to realize is the greatest thing about potential is that it’s really never too late to develop into something. The most important ingredient in this equation is our belief system. You are what you believe you are. So if you think you can, you will. If you think you can’t, you’re right!

    Often times these folks of little faith just need someone close to them to say, “you can do it!” Successful people tend to come equipped with this option already planted in their heads. They have a little voice that says “you can do it!” every time the going gets tough. For the doubters this is not so. They take every opportunity to doubt the possibilities of anything positive.

    So, for those of us who help, we need to jump at the chance to support the folks around us. We know and understand that some people really need you to literally speak possibility into their lives. In most cases they just need this little push and then they can get going. But without our encouragement, these potentials have no hope.