ClydeStyle

Category: Relationships

  • Don’t blame me!

    It seems as though we struggle with admitting when we’ve done something wrong. Have you ever heard the phrase: “Throwing someone under the bus?” This phase has it’s roots in the sports arena and has crossed into business and other fields where colleagues who failed to pull a project together eventually end up playing the blame game. This is not your ordinary finger pointing session, this is when someone deliberately uses truths or untruths against you. By definition the phrase means to sacrifice another person (often a friend or ally), who is usually not deserving of such treatment, out of malice or for personal gain.

    Imagine working on a project and when asked by the supervisor why deadlines were not met, one of your colleagues says, “well so and so was late to our planning meetings!” Now, who was late or on time to the meeting is irrelevant to why a deadline was not met. Some present-oriented thinking people would argue that it does, but I beg to differ. You have to examine with of all the facts to bring up, why was one person’s tardiness so high up on the list?

    In another scenario, one delivery guy is subbing for his colleague when he gets to a client who has a complaint. The complaint is that the normal driver is slow and not too friendly. Instead of supporting his teammate and reassuring the customer that the information will be passed on to the proper people, this driver decides to join in on the criticism. He says things like “I’m not surprised!” or “we’ve had other reports of this from other customers.” Another one bites the dust. Hung out to dry by a fellow employee …but why?

    The worse situation to be in is when you find yourself selling out a friend for personal gain. Or can you image allowing your words to crucify someone else because you don’t like them? Either way if you are this type of person, you don’t deserve to have friends. The Psalmist wrote in the 55 division, verses 11-14: “11 Destructive forces are at work in the city; threats and lies never leave its streets. 12 If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. 13 But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, 14 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God (NIV).

    This proves there is nothing new under the sun, but the person who would perpetrate a friendship only to violate that bond by throwing you under the bus is in a sad state of affairs. Don’t allow them to bring you down. Forgive them and move on! Your character is not in question, it is theirs. Misery loves company, so don’t join them!

    My favorite incident of someone being thrown under the bus was when Kobe Bryant was caught cheating on his wife and in an interview said something to the affect of, “you guys are coming down on me, but Shaq is cheating on his wife too!”

  • The family constellation

    The family is the most important institution in the world. It is the cornerstone of our society and an incubator for the future generations.

    It is important to take care of this institution. Our future depends on it.

    I believe that we need to apply some basic bible principles of love, collective work and responsibility and faith.

    I compare this to a well-oiled basketball team. All the great teams have the same thing in common. Each player cares about the other. The work is shared and everyone wants to do their part. The group also believes in each other and the cause that they are going for — whether it be the championship or striving for the good life.

    Each member of the team or family plays an important part. The guards are the first line of defense on one side and the initiators of the offense on the other side. The forwards attack and defend the baseline of the goal and the center brings balance.

    In a family of five, one scenario could be a strong wife (point guard); oldest child (shooting guard); the other two kids playing the forward positions and the dad is the center.

    Problems occur when some members don’t feel like they are a part of the team or choose not to hold up their end of the bargain. Family commitment is important and this is a good time to recommit to the health and welfare of the family.

    Parents need to believe it! Children need to see it! And the world needs to follow the example!

    Long live the family!

  • Another year

    It seems that the older we get, the faster the years go by.

    We were just ushering in 2011 and now it’s over. The end of the year becomes a time where we are able to reflect on the things that happened and make changes if needed.

    It’s a time where we should be deciding to end bad relationships because the year has revealed to us that there is no benefit in them.

    It’s time to take control over the things that this year has shown us are out of control.

    It’s time to rededicate our lives to the people who matter the most to us.

    It’s time to talk to God about purpose, plan and repentance.

    It’s time for us to make sure that we don’t miss out on the real important things in life because we’re too busy chasing the superficial things.

    Don’t let 2012 come and go without you experiencing the things that matter most. Make sure you seize every moment to love someone, admire things God created like sunsets and rainbows and mentor someone that needs you — what God has hidden in these types of relationships make life worth living.

    And finally, do the best you can to eliminate stress, the Western culture diet and revenge out of your life. All three of these things can kill you.

    Lord thank you for allowing us to see another year. Grant us the courage to make the most of it and honor and glorify your name in it.Amen!

    Happy New Year my friends!

  • Truth or consequences?

    Jesus, on one occasion, said to let your yea be yea and your nay be nay.

    He wanted us to honor our words. If you say you are going to do something, make sure you do it. Keep your promises. Don’t say things that you do not mean. All of these things speak to the character of the one saying them.

    Our society has a hard time keeping its word. From government and politicians to the pulpits and preachers and everyone in between, we struggle to keep our word.

    It has been so bad that once we are found not keeping our word, the response is so callous and matter-of-factly stated, “oh well.” ” It happens.” “Get over it!”

    Wives are not keeping promises to manage the home; husbands and fathers are not taking care of their families; whole school systems have failed to keep their promises to educate; and the governments deceive.

    What judgment are we to face because of this? One of the seven things God hates is a lying tongue. We need not to make this too complicated. Imagine a world where everyone kept their word? Imagine a world where honesty is the most important thing and not profit?

    Don’t get caught living in lies! For we must realize that we are not merely lying to men, but to God and his judgment is coming.

    Let’s make 2012 a better year by presenting ourselves open and honest before God and mankind.

  • A true worker for the Lord

    Have you ever thought about asking God what you can do for him?

    It seems to be a foreign concept to ask the creator of the universe if he needs us to do something. But when we consider how the Almighty has set things up, we actually should be asking him that, more times than not.

    Consider this: John the Baptist came to bear witness of the light. The bible says he was not that light, but came to bear witness of the light to the world.

    Jesus then comes on the scene as the light and teaches his disciples that they are the light of the world.

    Question: If I am the light of the world, shouldn’t I ask the originator of the light where he wants me to shine?

    I can make some assumptions, but why? Is it too much to think that God would actually place certain people on our hearts and minds so that we can pray for them, minister to them or just help them?

    If this still sounds foreign to you, pray this to the Lord: “Father in heaven, you have been so good to me and I don’t deserve it. I want to serve in your kingdom and show the world how good you are. Please point me in the right direction. Give me a ministry that I might utilize the gifts you gave me to better your cause. I love you and thank you in Jesus name, amen.”

    See how simple it is? It’s good to be in a place where you are content and can see clearly how to help another person get there.

    The harvest is still plentiful, but the workers are still few…. selah.

  • Your love of tennis means nothing

    It seems in these trying times we live in that it is getting more difficult to navigate our relationships. One would think that we all needed therapy as sometimes it seems that we can’t do anything right.

    Either we are not working together or we’re going in two different directions. Or we are being to critical or not critical enough. We are too self-fish, too demanding, too righteous, too lazy … well you get the picture. I want to share a concept with you that may shine some light on how we are supposed to get along and how we can gravitate toward the positive and benefit both parties — and we do this with tennis.

    Now I’m not asking you to go play or watch tennis. What I want to do is borrow a few concepts to make a point.Imagine your troubled relationship as a doubles team in tennis. To play doubles in tennis you have to know a little bit about the strengths and weaknesses of your partner. Not only do you have to know them, but you have to use their strengths and protect their weakness. Did you catch that? I said you must use their strengths and protect their weaknesses.

    Some tennis players are slow moving to their weak side. Others might have a strong right hand, but a horrible back hand. When you learn these weaknesses and strengths you are able to set up your partner in a way that they are going to look like a pro. So if my partner is not as strong going to her left, guess who will play on her left side? You got it. Now, if I don’t play on her left side once I figure out that this is a weakness for her, shame on me!

    If my partner has a strong right hand, then my job when I serve is to place the ball so that when it returns, it comes to her right side. Of course, it’s impossible to make this happen every single time, but you can manipulate that serve enough that it happens more than enough to win.

    Why would I want to do that you ask? Well if I view my partner as truly being my partner, I have her best interest in mind. If you are not sure of this, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your partner and see if she or he feels that you hold their best interest. What a wonderful opportunity life provides if the significant other feels that you don’t have their best interest. Take this challenge and honor your mate by letting him or her know that you admire their strengths and you promise to protect their weaknesses. Humility will make them say it back to you. Where as love means absolutely nothing in tennis, it means everything in true relationships.

    Tennis anyone?

  • The whole equals the sum of it’s parts?

    In some instances the whole does equal the sum of it’s parts. But there are other instances when the whole is either greater or less than the sum of it’s parts. Why does this matter, you ask? Well, to fully understand the scope of any relationship it’s important to know what each participant in the relationship believes about the whole.

    Aristotle is first credited with saying the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts. In theories of proximity the whole is equal to the sum. In relativity, Einstein is credited for saying the whole is less than the sum of it’s parts. His logic was that the sums are greater by themselves than they are with a whole. Think for instance about the Miami Heat. LeBron James makes less money being one of the stars as opposed to being “the” star. As an individual he is worth more than he is playing with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh.

    So when it comes to relationships, there are some people who believe that the whole is greater than the sum. There are others who believe that the whole and the parts are equal. And still others who think that the whole is far less than the sum of the parts. If you are in a fulfilling relationship then it makes sense for you to believe that the whole is bigger than the sum of the parts because you and your mate both contribute to the relationship and sacrifice to make it work — for the greater good (the whole).

    Someone in a not so good relationship may feel that the whole is not worth the parts. Many who have gotten divorced have already arrived at this conclusion. If you have a lazy partner, or one who does not handle his or her business affairs properly, it makes it difficult to keep focused on the big picture (the whole). If you are the one that handles everything, makes all the money, takes responsibility, manages all the problems and you view your partner as simply another mouth to feed, then your whole is definitely less than.

    If you have recovered from a bad relationship and are on the rebound, you are now looking for balance in your life and relationships. You now begin to search for a relationship that will be equal to the sum of it’s parts. This new relationship is where the parts are “equally yolked” and you see your partner as an equal partner working in concert with you. You two are like-minded in thought and action and you share the same values.

    We find ourselves in various types of relationships. Right or wrong should be determined by the views of both parties in the relationship. If you are struggling in a relationship, I encourage you to seek counseling. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED CAN BE FIXED, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO FIX IT. All fixes take time. And if you both have a desire to allow the whole to be greater than the sum of it’s parts, then commit to making it work and seek professional help now.

  • Count it all JOY

    I work in a place that surrounds me with death. Not in the morgue or the ER and I’m not a grave-digger or a funeral director; I work in hospice.

    These groups have a lot in common, but I want to talk about one fundamental difference. In hospice we meet families on the brink of a major tragedy: Someone close to them is dying.

    How is it possible to “count it all joy” when someone signs on to Hospice?

    To count it all joy is to understand what God intended for us to bring to each calamity. As the flesh brings destruction, the spirit is supposed to bring joy.  That joy is not limited to the expectation of eternity, which is awesome in and of itself!  Those who are left after the trial have been placed in a unique position: They can either sit and have a pity party or they can share their story with someone who’s going through a similar trial.

    You see, we are allowed the experiences we have for the purpose of growth. Not just growth for us, but for everyone in our scope of influence. We need growth. We need both good and bad experiences. We need to share our stories.

    I remember last Mother’s Day, talking to a friend of mine who buried her mother the previous year. I asked how she was doing and she said, “not good.” I asked what she was experiencing and she just looked at me with tears in her eyes and gave me a big, long hug. Afterwards she asked me a favor.

    She said, “will you go and give that hug to your mom and tell her you love her and thank her for being your mom?” She said that she only wished that she could do that for her mom one more time.

    Boy, I saw motherhood in a different light that day. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate my mom, in fact we are a very loving family. However, sometimes even though we assume a person knows how we feel, it’s always a good practice to let them know … and let them know often.

    I did exactly what my friend asked me and I don’t want to spoil the results for you. Please go to whoever is special in your life and hug them as if it will be the last time. And then let them know how special they are to you.

    It will change the way you see the world.

  • Too much pain!

    America is in too much pain.

    When you think about your worst pain, what comes to mind? Is it from body aches? Is it all in your mind? Is it a result of loving too much? Not enough? Is it emotional because you’ve experienced abuse? Is it spiritual because you are disappointed with your church?

    Whatever the pain, your senses have confirmed that it is just that … pain. We hurt. We cry. And we cry some more.

    Has your pain ever made you wonder how much more you can take? Are you avoiding someone because they hurt you? Have you altered your lifestyle because of someone? How long must you endure this suffering?

    Wouldn’t it be cool if there were a judicial system set up just for morality? Now before you start saying it could never happen or we wouldn’t do it right, let’s have a little fun.

    I say that if someone has wronged you, you should be able to sue for damages.

    Every guy whoever took advantage of a woman because she was codependent or lonely should have to pay a price. One thousand dollars would be good.

    Or what of the person who cheats on their significant other instead of just telling them the truth about how they feel in their relationship?

    Or better, what if anyone caught bullying had to serve jail time?

    And then, anyone who filed a false claim would have to pay $5,000!

    I think there should be a $500 fine for swearing in public, dressing inappropriately, stalking, gossiping and  being rude.

    This is a simple exercise to help you escape the rat race and forget about the problems of the day. You should come up with your own list. And have fun with it! Create a place where you make the rules and you decide what happens.

    Try it!

    We all need a break from the pain.

  • Leave marriage out of this

    I have been having a hard time with gay marriage.

    It’s not that I mind that people of the same sex come together. I believe that since I don’t trust our government to tell me what to do, I don’t think our government should try and tell others what they can or cannot do. Morally I have issues with it because I believe the Bible to be the absolute truth. But the key phrase that I said was, “I believe.” I’m not trying to force my religious beliefs on anyone.

    I’m the type of Christian that if you want to know what the Bible says, I stand ready to give you the answers. I’m not going to club you over the head with my Bible,  nor am I going to try and convince you to follow my Bible. The reason is because my Bible says you have to believe and obey from the heart.

    The God I serve is pro-choice. Pro-choice in the sense that He allows everyone freewill. He would never do anything to prohibit your freewill and your freewill doesn’t checkmate His perfect will. Basically, you choose to do what your heart really desires and His judgment will reign in the end.

    With that said, I am bothered by the use of the word marriage.

    I know what a marriage is and I know that gays wanted their significant others to be able to get medical benefits and such. I totally understand that. To make this happen, the insurance industry practically forced them to seek marriage instead of just allowing them to appoint the people who are able to get benefits.

    Should it matter who gets benefits?

    To greedy insurance companies, the answer is yes. They were trying to avoid allowing us to designate who we want to give benefits to.

    I said all that to say this:  instead of gays entering into a “marriage,” why couldn’t we just call it a “union?”

    Doing it this way allows the true intention of marriage to stay pure and its defining elements to remain intact. Jesus said, “Have you not read that He who made them in the beginning made them male and female.” (Matt. 19:4) This is what He meant when He said,”…what God has joined together (a male and a female), let no man separate.”

    The use of the word “union” would be generic enough to allow any two things to come together: a chicken and a cow… a pig and a frog…peanut butter and chocolate – and even two men or two women.

    Let union ring!