ClydeStyle

Category: Sharing

  • Your love of tennis means nothing

    It seems in these trying times we live in that it is getting more difficult to navigate our relationships. One would think that we all needed therapy as sometimes it seems that we can’t do anything right.

    Either we are not working together or we’re going in two different directions. Or we are being to critical or not critical enough. We are too self-fish, too demanding, too righteous, too lazy … well you get the picture. I want to share a concept with you that may shine some light on how we are supposed to get along and how we can gravitate toward the positive and benefit both parties — and we do this with tennis.

    Now I’m not asking you to go play or watch tennis. What I want to do is borrow a few concepts to make a point.Imagine your troubled relationship as a doubles team in tennis. To play doubles in tennis you have to know a little bit about the strengths and weaknesses of your partner. Not only do you have to know them, but you have to use their strengths and protect their weakness. Did you catch that? I said you must use their strengths and protect their weaknesses.

    Some tennis players are slow moving to their weak side. Others might have a strong right hand, but a horrible back hand. When you learn these weaknesses and strengths you are able to set up your partner in a way that they are going to look like a pro. So if my partner is not as strong going to her left, guess who will play on her left side? You got it. Now, if I don’t play on her left side once I figure out that this is a weakness for her, shame on me!

    If my partner has a strong right hand, then my job when I serve is to place the ball so that when it returns, it comes to her right side. Of course, it’s impossible to make this happen every single time, but you can manipulate that serve enough that it happens more than enough to win.

    Why would I want to do that you ask? Well if I view my partner as truly being my partner, I have her best interest in mind. If you are not sure of this, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your partner and see if she or he feels that you hold their best interest. What a wonderful opportunity life provides if the significant other feels that you don’t have their best interest. Take this challenge and honor your mate by letting him or her know that you admire their strengths and you promise to protect their weaknesses. Humility will make them say it back to you. Where as love means absolutely nothing in tennis, it means everything in true relationships.

    Tennis anyone?

  • The whole equals the sum of it’s parts?

    In some instances the whole does equal the sum of it’s parts. But there are other instances when the whole is either greater or less than the sum of it’s parts. Why does this matter, you ask? Well, to fully understand the scope of any relationship it’s important to know what each participant in the relationship believes about the whole.

    Aristotle is first credited with saying the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts. In theories of proximity the whole is equal to the sum. In relativity, Einstein is credited for saying the whole is less than the sum of it’s parts. His logic was that the sums are greater by themselves than they are with a whole. Think for instance about the Miami Heat. LeBron James makes less money being one of the stars as opposed to being “the” star. As an individual he is worth more than he is playing with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh.

    So when it comes to relationships, there are some people who believe that the whole is greater than the sum. There are others who believe that the whole and the parts are equal. And still others who think that the whole is far less than the sum of the parts. If you are in a fulfilling relationship then it makes sense for you to believe that the whole is bigger than the sum of the parts because you and your mate both contribute to the relationship and sacrifice to make it work — for the greater good (the whole).

    Someone in a not so good relationship may feel that the whole is not worth the parts. Many who have gotten divorced have already arrived at this conclusion. If you have a lazy partner, or one who does not handle his or her business affairs properly, it makes it difficult to keep focused on the big picture (the whole). If you are the one that handles everything, makes all the money, takes responsibility, manages all the problems and you view your partner as simply another mouth to feed, then your whole is definitely less than.

    If you have recovered from a bad relationship and are on the rebound, you are now looking for balance in your life and relationships. You now begin to search for a relationship that will be equal to the sum of it’s parts. This new relationship is where the parts are “equally yolked” and you see your partner as an equal partner working in concert with you. You two are like-minded in thought and action and you share the same values.

    We find ourselves in various types of relationships. Right or wrong should be determined by the views of both parties in the relationship. If you are struggling in a relationship, I encourage you to seek counseling. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED CAN BE FIXED, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO FIX IT. All fixes take time. And if you both have a desire to allow the whole to be greater than the sum of it’s parts, then commit to making it work and seek professional help now.

  • Count it all JOY

    I work in a place that surrounds me with death. Not in the morgue or the ER and I’m not a grave-digger or a funeral director; I work in hospice.

    These groups have a lot in common, but I want to talk about one fundamental difference. In hospice we meet families on the brink of a major tragedy: Someone close to them is dying.

    How is it possible to “count it all joy” when someone signs on to Hospice?

    To count it all joy is to understand what God intended for us to bring to each calamity. As the flesh brings destruction, the spirit is supposed to bring joy.  That joy is not limited to the expectation of eternity, which is awesome in and of itself!  Those who are left after the trial have been placed in a unique position: They can either sit and have a pity party or they can share their story with someone who’s going through a similar trial.

    You see, we are allowed the experiences we have for the purpose of growth. Not just growth for us, but for everyone in our scope of influence. We need growth. We need both good and bad experiences. We need to share our stories.

    I remember last Mother’s Day, talking to a friend of mine who buried her mother the previous year. I asked how she was doing and she said, “not good.” I asked what she was experiencing and she just looked at me with tears in her eyes and gave me a big, long hug. Afterwards she asked me a favor.

    She said, “will you go and give that hug to your mom and tell her you love her and thank her for being your mom?” She said that she only wished that she could do that for her mom one more time.

    Boy, I saw motherhood in a different light that day. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate my mom, in fact we are a very loving family. However, sometimes even though we assume a person knows how we feel, it’s always a good practice to let them know … and let them know often.

    I did exactly what my friend asked me and I don’t want to spoil the results for you. Please go to whoever is special in your life and hug them as if it will be the last time. And then let them know how special they are to you.

    It will change the way you see the world.

  • A different way to work

    Sometimes it seems that all we do is work.

    It is definitely a way of life for most of us. We are so used to working that we can do it in our sleep. Many struggle with the task of work and even dread it at times. I hope to shine a little different light in this post on that thing we call work.

    I don’t know who first said it, but the saying is that the letters in the word B-I-B-L-E stand for  “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.”

    Cute, I know, but when you really think about it, the Bible does give you everything that pertains to life and Godliness. All of our problems can actually be solved by this book.

    So for the case of how we work, I think we need a change in mindset — the Bible is really good for this. Consider what the Apostle Paul wrote about working his epistle to the church at Colossae.

    “23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

    Now would that fact that you are not working for your company, nor your supervisor, but you are working for the Lord change anyone’s mindset? Too often because we can see things in the physical, they appear larger than God.

    If we really believed that the opportunity to work was truly an opportunity that God gave us and it wasn’t based on our merit, or something we settled for, or just the job we got stuck with, could that make a difference?

    Sure it could!

    If God strategically placed me in the job I have for the purpose of working out His will, would I then be working for a crappy boss or the savior of the world?

    The question would be asked, “What would God want me working here for?” To that I say God always wants His  light shining in a dark place. If we truly belong to Him, then we are to reflect His light where ever we are. That means that:

    • Some people will experience unconditional love because they are in the presence of His light.
    • Some people will see kindness in a totally different circumstance because they are in the presence of His light.
    • Still others will see God because they are in the presence of His light.

    God has a plan. And He uses whomever He chooses to workout His plan. So the next time that you feel down and out about the attitudes and the pressures of your job, remember the larger plan. See the bigger picture and smile … because you are working for the Lord!

  • There are still some who can’t see the dream

    This week we honor a man who dared to buck the system and show the powers that be what they really looked like. A man who said he had a dream and shouted it from the mountain tops. A preacher worthy of a celebration in his honor because of what he stood for, what he taught and what he ultimately died for.

    Some believe that Martin Luther King, Jr., would have been America’s first African-American president had he not been gunned down by an assassin’s bullet. I believe that if that would have happened he would clearly have ended up being America’s fifth assassinated president. I say this because too many people still don’t see the dream.

    We can’t help where we came from and how we were raised, but King’s dream would work much better in another country than it would in ours. Sad, but true. The only thing we as American’s can agree on seems to be “gain” or “gain at someone else’s expense.”

    We profit on everything. If it can be sold and someone can make money, then so be it because, after all, that’s what we all really wanted. Right?

    Dr. King hoped that all children would have an equal opportunity to be educated and earn a living like everyone else. He wanted to see people of different races together in peace and harmony without strife. He wanted to see hate eliminated.

    What actually happened is more people have the opportunity to get into most colleges, but there is still an elite group that exists as gatekeepers. They still hire who they want. There are two places where you will always see mixed races in America together and that is the welfare line and the soup kitchen. And as for hate, it can’t be eliminated as long as love is in need of love.

    I wish there was a better message here. But in the wake of hatred spread throughout our political system, members of Congress getting shot and companies profiting on the sickness of others, clearly there are still folks who don’t get Dr. King’s dream.

  • Share the God in you

    It takes a special type of person to give.

    There are enough stingy, stubborn folks in the world and what we clearly need to see more of is that good ole’ fashioned, unconditional giving.

    Many things have been written and said about givers or volunteers, as they are sometimes called. I had the privilege to speak at a volunteer symposium hosted in Bay City, MI and sponsored by the Michigan Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. I had the opportunity to meet some seniors who really knew how to live. They understood the meaning of “good living” as they were at retirement age, but still working – yet this time for free.

    There are not many things in our world that are free. In fact, when you see something truly free, you do a double take because it looks too good to be true. I remember when air was free at any gas station. I also watched as the cost went from being just 25 cents to $1.00 in some places. Well, the other day I needed a little air in my tire and I immediately fished through my coins to find four quarters. I got out of my truck and low and behold there was nowhere to put the coins. I thought, “go figure, it would be broken.” I’m glad I took a chance, because it was actually free. I couldn’t believe it. Now this gas station is in Farmington Hills, MI and it more than makes up for the price of air with all the other items in the store. It seems they added a penny or two to every item to cover the cost of air, but that’s another story.

    I bring the issue up of volunteering because I wonder how many people really understand the spiritual dynamics of giving. First, giving is a God trait. You know the Bible says, “For God so loved the world that he gave …” Secondly, the Good Book tells us that it is more blessed to give than receive. Many people miss this concept. You see, if you can give, you’ve already been blessed. And finally, giving brings us face-to-face with our covetousness. When you live in a land as bountiful as ours, we tend to never get enough. We take, take, take and never even think about giving until we have a holiday that tells us to give.

    Givers are the people who recognize and exalt more their standing with God over their status with the world. They believe that their existence is much more than what they can accumulate. They seek out ways to change other people’s lives for the better – and they do it just for the way it makes them feel.

    Try unconditional giving this week. Allow your blessings in life to be shared with others who truly need it. Whether you are giving of your means or time, both are precious and they represent the God in you. So please, share.