ClydeStyle

Category: Success

  • The parable of the lines

    So there was this very large storehouse filled with people of all races. Inside were a few lines. One line ran from inside of the building to the outside and wrapped several times around the building. The entrance to the building had a sign posted that said: “Dare to Dream.”

    This first line that stretched outside the door was filled with those who had no plan for their life. In this line were people who just lived their lives day by day, no plan, no sense of urgency, just existing. Many in this line were hoping to get a handout or help from the owner of the storehouse. Every blue moon the store owner would toss the folks in this line a bone, but clearly it was nothing worthy of staying in this line. This line was also cloaked so those standing in it could pretend to be anything or anybody they wanted. Basically, something to keep them occupied while they stood in line doing nothing. They dreamed of hitting the lotto, finding a bundle of money or getting rich through inheritance – anything but earning the living themselves.

    Once inside it was easy to see that there were several other lines. The line closest to the first line didn’t have as many people in it, but it had an equal share of minorities as did the first. Of all the lines in the storehouse, the first and second lines had far more minorities per nationality. In the second line were folks who actually had a plan, but a combination of things changed the course of where they were going. Some had problems from within themselves. They doubted themselves or just didn’t have the proper nurturing growing up to believe they could succeed. These folks were also stifeld by outside influences. Empty promises, prejudices, storehouse rules and other people in the same line and the first line seemed to be the largest contributors. It seems as though both lines were taught to discriminate against each other. They never hated their oppressors, just each other.

    The third line was the first true productive line and it was set on an incline. It was harder to advance in this line, but just by the fact that you were in this line had certain benefits. This line lived better than the first two. The folks in this line knew more about line rules than the others. They knew not to get into the first two lines. They knew that the harder line would have the incline, but it would also have the greatest benefits. These people designed a plan and worked diligently to execute it with success.

    At first glance inside this storehouse, it looked like there were only three lines, when in actuality there was a fourth line. Instead of having a traditional line where people would line up behind each other. This line (if we could call it that) was simply a wall and a rope. The rope was very thick and rugged. The rope didn’t even look like anyone had used it to climb, but it was there. Occasionally some folks from the third line made it over to the fourth line, but the rope was just too rugged and thick for climbing. Many fell attempting the climb.

    The store owner was of the privileged in this line. When you asked anyone in the fourth line how they got over, they all respond with the same story: They fought through until they got to the top of the wall and then jumped over. There are lots of rumors about the fourth line. No one in the third line believed their story and even some in the second line questioned it. Evidence has been gathered of a trampline behind the wall in the fourth line. So are these guys really climbing or is there a secret to their success?

    What does this parable mean to you?

  • I can’t?

    Isn’t it funny how the mind works? I remember when I was in grade school and instead of attempting to master math, I spent the most productive hours convincing myself that math was “too hard” and that it “made no sense” and that it was “stupid to do.”

    I really convinced myself of that. Imagine that? I discovered years later that I could totally get my mind to buy into something. Today, it makes me take inventory of my life experiences to see what else I have talked myself into.

    Some of us have talked ourselves into marriage. Some of us had to convince ourselves that the things are parents did were not wrong, it was just the way they expressed their love. Some of us had to convince ourselves that we are worthless and have no value. Still others have convinced themselves that they are the problem and not the other person. Some are convinced that their spiritual leader must be right, or he wouldn’t be a spiritual leader.  All of this convincing causes us to live in pain – whether emotional, spiritual, mental or physical – we’re hurting … real bad!

    It seems we have forgotten the simple lessons when someone is trying to sell us something. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. If it takes some convincing, then it was probably the wrong thing. There is always a reason why we have our reservations. But it seems we have a soft spot for ourselves. We want to believe that we care enough about ourselves to never lead US astray.

    Unfortunately we do it often.

    I can convince myself to love, hate, fight, hold a grudge, spend money, be comfortable with being wrong, gossip, mistreat people and settle. There is no end to what I can convince my mind to do.

    Did you catch what I just said?

    All of us have the ability to convince ourselves of anything. What if we were to convince ourselves to seek positive change, be honest with ourselves and those around us. What if we convinced ourselves to save money, love one another, glorify God or even resist the devil.

    We need to take a self inventory of what we believe and how we came to believe it. Were we convinced by someone or self? Is what we believe true? To search ourselves and answer these questions is another way we can be free.

    We could totally eliminate the words “I can’t” from our lives.

    Then what would our reality be? What would it be like for us to exercise this over ourselves for the betterment of self. Is it too late for a situation or circumstance to be effected by this? Will we let fear stop us from doing what the rest of our being already knew to do?

    Let’s not waste our minds on “I can’t.”

  • A little bit more

    Every time I watch any of the Rocky series, I always seem to get caught up in the outcome. Saying I get caught up is an understatement. I even get quite emotional. The reason is because I can really relate. I haven’t boxed in years and I’m not talking about relating to boxing. I’m talking about being able to relate to struggle.

    Of all the things that have been written about determination, I like this quote the best: “Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more. They did all that was expected of them and a little bit more.” Now I’m not sure who said this quote or where I originally read it, but it has been something that I often think about or focus on during difficult times.

    I believe all successful people would at some point credit self determination as a catalyst to their success. Success of course is relative to what you want out of live and your decision to get it. We have to decide to be successful.

    I don’t intend to make success seem like rocket science. I believe everyone is living the life they planned. I realize that this may be hard for some to take, but whether you planned to succeed or didn’t make a plan at all, your life is following a course. You determine whether it’s good or bad.

    Determination is defined as the act of deciding definitely and firmly. Former President Abe Lincoln said, “Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.”

    If you haven’t heard it before, let me tell you that whoever you are and it doesn’t matter where you are from, success is yours. All you have to do is first decide that you want it. Once you firmly decide to want something, this is the key to doing everything. I’ve often said that the only thing different between someone who has succeeded and someone who has failed is the fact that the successful one believed they could be successful. That’s it. Not education, not who they knew, not anything else but belief.

    So I gotta ask you. What do you believe?

  • We have no right!

    I have been waiting to weigh in on a topic that is near and dear to me. I’ve been wanting to say something, but I wanted it to be received well so I held my peace. Sometimes it’s good to let certain things settle a bit before saying something about it. I am an avid basketball fan – especially NBA basketball.

     I actually love all sporting events, but I think over the years I’ve changed. Games are great to watch. I’ve even had an occasional bet on a game. I guess I’m a fan of sports because of how well I know that sports has changed many lives – both good and bad. The potential for lives to be changed for the better is almost worth all corruption that happens.

    Sports have been the way some folks learn about life. It has been the ticket for some to go to college, become millionaires and even turn lives around. Sports have allowed us to witness the God-given gifts of men and women who excel through various levels. To watch Kobe Bryant or Michael Jordan play basketball or Venus and Serena Williams play tennis or Usain Bolt run or Michael Phelps swim – well, you get the picture. Sporting events bring sports fans a lot of joy.

    Recently, LeBron James decided to jump into free agency and sign a multi-year contract with the Miami Heat.  The reaction from Cleveland was clearly over the top. Once the announcement was made, Cleveland Cavs fans burned their LeBron James jerseys in the street. I was in Westlake, Ohio a few days ago and they were selling shirts which called the superstar the “Lyin King” among other things. I had not seen this much hatred since the owner of the original Browns football team decided to move the team away from the city. Ugliness ensued and the fans were left without a professional football team for a while, but the city was able to retain the Browns name.

    Because of our love for the games and the passion that goes with it, I have found Ohioans to be very loyal to their teams. There are people who cheer for Ohio State that never even went to college. This was a shock to me coming from Michigan. I mean, I love the Maize and Blue too, but I’m not going to get into a heated argument after a game. When I first came to Ohio, a Buckeye fan keyed my car after U of M beat OSU because my car sported a Michigan license plate. I thought these people were crazy. They’d ask me each Saturday who I was rooting for and I would always say, “the Broncos” after my alma mater WMU. I would tell them that the game didn’t matter to me and that I just hoped we see a really good game. Even members of my former congregation would express their likes or dislikes on Sunday morning as to who won or lost Saturday night.

    My point here is this: As fans we have the right to cheer or boo; to have favorite athletes and choose whose jersey we will wear. But when we start wishing ill-will toward our fellow man or wanting to do bodily harm to an athlete, we have crossed the line.

    Earlier this year, now former UT coach Lame Kiffen left the school for the head coaching job at USC. UT fans showed their displeasure by publicly threatening his family, harassing his children and making statements like they hope his plane crashes on the way to USC. One fan said online in a statement, “Everyone is so upset now about this, but we need to let it go, it is out of our hands. Lame Kiffen’s day will come, just like the good ol’ book(Bible) says you do a good thing and you shall be rewarded, but you do bad thing and you will not be rewarded. Look on the positive side, we will get a better coach and our team will be #1 this year!” This quote is mild except for the obvious lie told on the Bible here. The good ol’ book as this fan calls it never says anything about good work always yields good rewards and visa versa. I though TN was the heart of the Bible belt?

    This problem is widespread and we need to get a handle on it. If a professional athlete chooses to leave your hometown and go with another team and a few days later you are still stewing about their decision and raising your blood pressure as a result – or if you are getting so angry as to have thoughts of harming the athlete, you need help.

    LeBron James is gone, Cleveland! You were not robbed and he does not owe you a thing. He made a choice that he felt was in the best interest of his family. Be thankful for the time you had him for. Be glad that a world class athlete played for your favorite team and gave his all. Be thankful that you got to witness such a talent. And above all else, remember that it’s a business and no one has to get your permission to do anything. When it’s all said and done, those of us who love sports are just fans. No more, no less. And we need to start acting like fans.

  • Who’s your daddy?

    A young lady, after seeing the country embrace Mother’s Day, thought to establish Father’s Day. This young woman’s father was a Civil War veteran and had to raise a newborn with five of his other children following the death of his wife at the newborn’s birth. This woman recalls the love and tender care her father had for their family and that fact that he raised them on his own.

    Her campaign led to the 1966 proclamation by then President Lyndon B. Johnson declaring Father’s Day to be the third Sunday in June.

    It seems that the role of the father was short-lived in the home as the liberation of women, equal opportunity for women and minorities and the media all contributed to the destruction of the father.

    Now this is not to say that there are not any great fathers today – there are tons. There are still men who care and love their families and have contributed greatly to the success of their children and their mental stability.

    What I am saying is that the number of truly great dad’s pale in comparison to the number that are bad, don’t care, are not trying or think they have done enough.

    America began to abandon its puritanical concept at the beginning of women’s liberation. Women needed to be liberated from the stereotypical roles forced on them by society. Along with these rules, women were trapped in these roles because our laws at the time did not protect them or provide a way for them to earn a decent living.

    Moreover, there were no guarantees to force the men to care for their children if they left.

    Today, new laws have given women the chance to earn just as much money as a man. She is now free to open her own door, die in wars, hear all the dirty jokes they want and stand up on crowded buses and subways without a man giving up his seat.

    And now the men are just free.

    When the women did the work that was stereotypically given to men, men did not, in turn, begin doing their work. This led to women having to work 40 hours or more per week and then come home and cook, clean and look after the kids. There still isn’t a rule that says a man even has to help, although it would be nice.

    Following liberation and new laws, the media helped to ensure that the role of the father would never be the same.

    The father went from being the steady, solid rock in the home that gave stability to the family and reinforced their core values, to being the buffoon and tail-end of all the jokes. If you are an avid TV watcher or at least enjoy watching TV land and Nick-at-Nite on cable, you will recall strong fathers like Ward Cleaver, Andy Griffith and Howard Cunningham. These fathers were traded in for weaker fathers such as Fred Flintstone, Fred Sanford and Archie Bunker.

    Then it got even worse as Peter Griffin (Family Guy), Homer Simpson and Cleveland Brown (the Cleveland show) began to dominate the sitcoms. These TV fathers helped shape expectations of fathers in the home. They have contributed to the destruction of the family and made dad nothing but a joke.

    We truly need a day to celebrate dads. I hope that it would be a day that males could be educated on what it takes to be a “real” dad. We need to remember when fathers chose to make sure their families knew they were loved, safe and secure. A time when fathers made sure their families never had to worry about them not coming home. We need to be reminded of a time when the fathers were the real heroes in their families and not some cartoon or some other fictitious character, but imitators in all aspects of our Father in heaven.

  • Rembering John Wooden

    This week the sports world will moan the death of a legend. “The Wizard of Westwood,” as he was called, is being heralded as the greatest coach – in any sport – of all time.

    This is a great honor for John Robert Wooden, who would also drop pearls of wisdom to those who played for him and admired him. Such sayings as: “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail,” “Flexibility is the key to stability, ” and “Be quick, but don’t hurry.”

    Early in my journalism career, I had the esteemed pleasure of hearing one of Coach Wooden’s lectures on leadership. I was also honored to have the chance to interview him. We spent 35 minutes alone and I was able to instantly see what everyone who came in contact with him saw: Greatness.

    This is not an adjective that I use lightly. When you meet someone so humble, so genuine, so gracious and so blessed, you recognize very quickly that he’s just not like the rest of us.

    John Wooden sat and talked to me in three ways. I know that sounds strange, but in part of the conversation he was a coach to me – not basketball coach, but life coach. In another moment he was a father to me, sharing the lessons he learned in life very intimately. And in still another moment he was a true man of God, giving God all the credit for the man he had become.

    It was weird in a way because his actions were nothing like I expected.

    I wanted to talk to him about his coaching career and his 10 NCAA championships. I wanted to talk about all the great players he had coached. And I wanted to talk sports period with him and get his take on who he thought would win the championship that year.

    I even remember being given the assignment because everyone else was out covering games and I was on the sports desk that night. The sports editor at the time said that if I wanted to, I could cover the talk or just write something up from talking with the event planners.

    For us, this wasn’t big news.

    After all, the guy had been retired from coaching for at least 15 years. He had written a book and was talking to the Boy Scouts or Boys and Girls Clubs – I actually can’t remember which one now.

    But what I recall most from that interview was the fact that he didn’t think his accomplishments were as big as the people he had come into contact with throughout his career. He didn’t want to discuss basketball as a part of life, but life itself and what really matters in life.

    Coach Wooden retired in 1975. He could have coached anywhere and clearly he was healthy enough to continue coaching. Obviously, Wooden was not coaching just for the love of basketball. It was his vehicle. Basketball was his means of telling God’s secret to everyone he came in contact with during his career. I call it God’s secret because it seems as though the rest of the world has forgotten it – and continues to forget it.

    God’s secret is LOVE. Remember John 3:16?

    Wooden was a savvy preacher because he never made you feel like he was preaching to you or that he thought you were lacking in an area so he had to instruct you. Without coming across as “holier than thou” or being inappropriate in regards to mixing religion into his business, he just lived his life in a way that reflected the image of God in the face of the people he met.

    I remember reading about how Jesus did that same thing. Jesus then turned around and told His disciples to do the same thing.

    Clearly Coach Wooden was listening.

    And as he is put to rest and the media, fans and his family spend the next week laying him to rest, it is my wish that basketball never comes up and they don’t even talk about what he’s done, because he wouldn’t.

    I hope they remember him for the man he was, and not the things he did. For the latter doesn’t even compare to the character of this great man.

    And if you haven’t seen it yet, search the internet for his famous “pyramid of success,” for by reading and studying it, you will know everything you need to know about John Wooden and how you, too, can have a successful life.

    R.I.P. Coach!

  • What type of person are you?

    As an employer, I’ve reviewed lots of resumes. Some made me laugh, some made me cry and some actually made me angry.

    Let me explain.

    An example of a resume that makes me laugh is one that I know is full of fluff. You know the type: The housewife who calls herself a domestic engineer or the receptionist who calls herself a communication specialist. Resumes that make me cry are the ones where you know the person didn’t use “spell check” and you see that the person is trying real hard, but too many errors spell trouble. Resumes that make me angry are the ones which are just an outright lie. This is beyond fluff. This is the idiot who thinks that you won’t contact the previous employers so they say they did things in the job responsibilities that don’t match the pay grade. The point of all of this is how we see ourselves.

    Some people are the type that can “make it happen!” There are others who just simply “watch it happen!” and still others who wonder “what happen?” Of these three, which are you?

    Are you the person who is working a dead end job with no room for advancement? Not only that, but if there was room for advancement, you don’t have any skills to advance. Does your resume look like a smorgasbord of jobs that don’t connect? There is nothing wrong with being this way if it’s working for you. If it’s not, it’s probably because you are the person who wonders “what happen?”

    The scariest part of the economy collapse is the idea of old jobs vanishing and a person not being able to compete in the new job market. I remember in the ‘90s when the Willow Run plant closed in Ypsilanti, Mich., and many of the people there were out of work and could not find any jobs which paid the same as the plant. These were good folks who spent the last 18 – 20 years of their lives taking care of their families and putting their kids through school. They paid their bills on time and enjoyed a nice middle class income. Once the plant closed there was nothing. These folks had a high school education and with overtime made upwards of 70K. The only jobs available for them in the small town of Ypsilanti paid from six to eight dollars per hour.  They were then stuck wondering what happen.

    Those that “watch it happen” tend to be lazy. These are your run-of-the-mill, satisfied where I am, don’t want to break a sweat type people who are still looking for a short cut to success. These people clearly have the ability to be better, but won’t. Why you ask? Any number of reasons: scared of failure, scared of success, low self-worth, arrogant or lazy. I remember when I used to manage market research companies and I had an employee who had the right stuff to become a supervisor. This woman was a single parent and a very hard worker. The increase would have been an extra $7,680 per year for her. She said she didn’t want the extra responsibility. Go figure.

    Then, of course, there is the category that everyone thinks they are in. We live in a society where not everyone can “make it happen”. There are many failures at the bottom of this group as those “watching” made an attempt or two to crossover this threshold. Balance is the key to success here. Anyone who has reached the right level of balance in their life has mastered this task of “making it happen.”

    What I mean by balance is fulfilling the right amount of quality with quantity. The right amount of drive with humility; skill with education and patience with love – this category houses all of your visionaries. This group did not need motivation – it was built from within. They didn’t need to be reinforced, complimented or validated. These folks are not conceited; they’re as good as they say they are.

    So I ask again, which one are you? And if you’re not satisfied with the outcome, change.

  • The Crime of Cheating!

    So it seems that in America we have a conscience. Albeit a conditional conscience, but nevertheless a conscience.

    Tiger Woods and many other super athletes, famous actors, rich folks and presidents have all been caught cheating on their spouses. The only difference between 70 years ago and now is that today we act like we really care. When we look at the fall of marriage in America, our attempt to keep it sacred is to crucify the ones who get caught violating the bonds of marriage as a reminder for us all. It’s sort of like in medieval times when they would have public executions.

    Well, Tiger Woods was the latest victim. Sad to say for me I won’t see him and golf the same anymore. The reason is not what you think. I DO NOT condone cheating on your spouse, but it happens. I don’t condone lying either, but guess what? It happens. However, here we have this rich guy, who has made this woman rich beyond her wildest imagination. He’s a very powerful man who does many charitable things – including a state of the art school for inner city kids to provide them with a first-class education. One reporter made the comment that he shouldn’t have the school anymore because he’s not a good role model. Seriously?!?

    The man plays golf very well — better than anyone else on the planet. Let’s say that he is a role model. Wouldn’t that role model status be limited to just golf? Or are we really to believe that because he’s an awesome golfer that he has to live up to the standards of moral excellence as well? Is there some secret code that says a man who excels in anything, must be as good in everything else?

    Tiger shouldn’t have cheated. He probably shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place, but for this adult to be reduced to this scrutiny about his personal life is not fair. The crime for this cheat isn’t the cheating – it’s the self righteous views of the public. Cheating doesn’t mean Tiger is now a bad golfer, a bad father or even a bad husband. It just means he cheated and it was a bad decision.

    It’s not even our business. Some argue that this is the price for fame. It’s not. He is a victim of circumstance. Seventy years ago, this wouldn’t have made the news. Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth and many other athletes, rich folks, presidents and famous actors cheated. Men particularly would cheat because they could without much of a penalty back then. There were not even laws to take care of the victims back then. So guess what the victims did? They stayed. They made adjustments and they remained married. It was what men did and women were expected to take it and be thankful for what they had. (Rent the movie Mona Lisa Smile for more info on this).

    Again, I am not condoning cheating. What I’m saying is that if this is the standard we are going to maintain, then we should do it for everyone. Not just the rich and famous, but everyone. But we can’t stop there. What about the victims in these cases? When is there a judgment against them? Maybe Tiger’s wife when she got angry with him, she withheld sex. Maybe Tiger likes to do really kinky things that she doesn’t want to do. Maybe she’s not as clean as Tiger would like her to be and it’s a turnoff for him. Or maybe she’s just a spoiled little daddy’s girl whose attitude of entitlement has pushed Tiger away. Or maybe she has done nothing to deserve this. In all of these cases, they don’t need public commentary, they need private counseling.

    I hope my point is clear. If not I’ll spell it out one last time in these three easy points:

    1)      A marriage is sacred and we should worry about what’s going on in our own homes and stay out of other people’s homes unless we’ve been invited in.

    2)      Super athletes are great at one thing – the sport they play – and we should admire the talent and honor God for the gift, but point the moral finger at ourselves. We shouldn’t place expectations on other people. We should only place them on ourselves.

    3)       If there is a mistake a person can make to wipe out the many things they’ve done well, then we’ve condemned everyone…because everyone makes mistakes.

    Those that live in glass houses should not throw stones!

  • There is no secret ingredient

    The movie Kung Fu Panda was on cable recently. It’s interesting how you can sit and watch some movies over and over again. This was a very cute movie – but I won’t give you a synopsis of it here.

    However, I will share with you the gold nugget buried in this movie it’s one that many struggling adults also need to hear. “There is no secret ingredient” is the key to unlocking the next level for whatever stage you are at in life.

    Some of us are simply “surviving” and are just thankful that we’re able to make ends meet – at least, most of the time.

    Others have reached the stage called “contentment.” We are just continuing to do what we are doing because life is easy and it makes sense for us at this stage. We know we haven’t reached our full potential – but hey, we’re happy.

    Some of us have reached the level where we actually begin to know that we are worth something. We may have thought we have some worth before, but situations and circumstances have happened to us – and we’ve seen some victories.  Now we think we have it all figured out.

    But this is where the frustration begins.

    At this level, we begin to assess where we are in life – and we see that we have the potential to be farther along than we are now. We’re frustrated because we want our current job to make that happen for us, but it doesn’t happen. We feel trapped because we have bills to pay and a family to support. We can’t just keep jumping around from job to job — we need stability!

    But at the same, we’re not sure we can handle the pressures that achieving the next level may bring. Oh, we talk tough when we’re angry—like when something happens on the job that makes us want to pack up and leave. But deep down, we know we can’t – because we’re trapped. The next stage is comfortable – which is just another form of contentment. After that comes (finally!) success – the real deal!

    So how do we reach success? What’s the secret? In the movie, we learn that the secret is: THERE IS NO SECRET! It is YOU!

    To succeed in anything, we must first believe we can do it. We can have all the skill, ability, talent, gifts – even a great smile – but the magic doesn’t start until we believe we can do it.

    Problems are like math. There is a process to them. No matter how difficult the problem, the process of solving them remains the same. If you can multiply 2×2, then you understand the process and can multiply 13,658 x 27,498. One takes a little more time than the other, but the process is still the same.

    If we were to take this approach to surmounting the obstacles we encounter in our lives, we would gain the confidence we need to tackle bigger problems.

    Then – before we know it – we can handle anything life throws at us!

    Case in point: Michael Jordan was probably one of the greatest basketball players ever to compete in the NBA. He always wanted to take the last shot and he thrived on high pressure situations. He would often hit the winning shot during the last few seconds of the game – devastating the hopes and confidence of the other team.

    We always hear about the end result – how he hit the game winning shot. But what we don’t hear about is why. The answer is always clouded with statements like, “Wow! He’s just the greatest!” and “Gosh, how can he do that?” and “Oh my! Did you see that shot!?!”

    If we could hit the slow-motion button just as Jordan is dribbling down the court to take the shot – and ask him WHY he is taking that shot, he would say, “Because I know I can make it.”

    I’ll never forget that last shot in Hoosiers when the movie’s character, Jimmy, is in the huddle. The coach calls a play that shocks the team. He proposes using Jimmy as a decoy so someone else can take the last shot. Seeing the looks of dismay on the players’ faces, the coach frantically asks the team “What’s wrong?” Jimmy looks at him and says what the rest of the team was thinking.

    “I’ll make it,” he said.

    I still get chills thinking about that line.

    I’ve made a few of those shots – both on and off the court. I hope you take away from this article the secret to the secret ingredient: YOU!