ClydeStyle

Category: Taking Responsibility

  • The Man in the Mirror

    Have you ever looked in the mirror and forget what you looked like? Seems strange, doesn’t it?

    I mean we see ourselves all the time and you would think there would be something wrong with a person who can’t remember what they look like, especially after just looking in the mirror.

    Well, the Bible tells of this condition where a person beholds himself in a mirror and immediately forgets what manner of man he is (James 1:23, 24). The Bible is comparing this mirror-looker to a person who hears God’s word and forgets about it.

    It’s interesting how God would make the spoken word so powerful. Someone who you give your trust to could give you a compliment and literally change a bad day into a good one. Unfortunately, the fence swings both ways so that a negative comment would have the converse effect.

    God never wanted us to be forgetful hearers.

    The truth is that we are. His Word was designed to spiritually turn us into the image of His son – if we would remember the things we heard from His Word.

    The Bible is full of folks who were forgetful hearers. Remember Cain and Abel? It was by faith that Abel offered a better sacrifice. It was because Cain was a forgetful hearer that God wouldn’t accept his offering. Two sons who grew up in the same household, with the same parents only to respond differently to what they heard is shocking, but not uncommon.

    Remember Jacob and Esau? That birthright really didn’t mean much to Esau who clearly lived his life in the moment. Jacob, on the other hand, paid close attention to such things and well, you know what happened: Jacob got the blessing and the birthright.

    Abraham and Lot also come to mind. I’m particularly thinking about when Abraham wanted to keep peace between Lot’s men and his own so he sought out territory for them to split in order to keep peace. He let Lot pick which area he would live and he chose Sodom and Gomorrah. That’s like choosing Las Vegas, NV over St. George, Utah. Nevertheless, Lot’s choice tore up his home and eventually ruined his life. Why did Lot choose Sodom? Was he just trying to make a fast buck or did he just forget what he heard?

    How many other people do you know who must have forgotten what they heard? You think Tiger Woods forgot? How about Lawrence Taylor? Or what about Jesse James (Sandra Bullock’s Ex), Chris Brown, George Bush, Allen Iverson or Congressmen Joe Wilson, do you think they forgot?

    Let’s get even more personal. What about me and you? It’s seems as though we are running out of excuses. We need to be the change we want to see, as Gandhi said. That will not happen until we began to take a long look at the man or woman in the mirror or as the Bible says spend a long time studying God’s Word. Until then, we just have no right to point fingers and complain. We need to get busy.

  • Relationship Builder

    So you started the New Year a little on the rocks with your significant other and now they’re gone. One or both of you finally realized that it was time to move on.  Now it’s over.

    You tell yourself that you are better without them. You start tossing out reminders of him, like pictures, various articles of clothing, some gifts (of course not any diamonds) and you quickly change your Facebook status to single.

    You are left with unfulfilled expectations and anger.

    Typically what happens at this point is that you say you want to be alone and you remind yourself that the next person would only be a rebound, but not too soon afterward you are smothering the rebound.

    You begin to take those stored “unfulfilled expectations” and assign them to the new partner. You quickly find out that you are instantly attracted to anything that was the opposite of your ex. For example, if the guy you were with never opened the door for you, then all of a sudden that quality is escalated because of the past. If you were with a woman who really couldn’t cook too well, you’d be all over the woman who could provide you with the southern comfort of food.

    The danger is that whatever the new quality is that you are coveting may not have been a quality that mattered to you originally. It only became important when your previous relationship ended. This relational baggage makes ordinary qualities greater, thus confusing your judgment and actually making you “rush” the relationship and not even be able to recognize true love anymore. I have a friend on Facebook who a month ago was “in a relationship”, then two weeks ago she was single. One week later she was “in a relationship” again and I called to ask if it was with the same person and she was so excited to tell me about this new guy and how wonderful he was. As of today, they are engaged!

    Now I’m not saying that I don’t believe in love at first sight or any of the other fairytales given to us as children. I’m not saying that Hollywood’s boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl again stories aren’t true. What I am saying is that these situations are as rare as hitting the lottery, becoming a professional athlete, becoming the next American Idol or winning an Olympic gold medal. Oh sure you have seen it happen before and you know that it’s possible, but the question here is: Are these scenarios probable?

    Before you try to “hook up” with another, you must first exam yourself. You can’t be “two” if you (or the other person) are not ones.

    We often enter relationships broken, wounded and with baggage. We have high expectations and are afraid to fully give of ourselves. How many times have you seen a relationship where a couple is together, and the guy hasn’t been working since they hooked up. Nine months into the relationship and the guy still hasn’t found ANY work. Before he entered that relationship, he should have mastered the whole job/car/house/independence thing before trying to connect with another. And what of the man who meets a woman who needs more than just a companion? This woman needs a caretaker, lawyer, doctor, sugar daddy and butler – and she’s not afraid to ask for it! Every phone call leads to her asking him to do something for her. She should have worked out all those needs in the beginning, before trying to start a relationship.

    Building a relationship should not be rocket science. It should start off with hesitation and anticipation. There should be long periods of talking and sharing (which is how you actually build the relationship) and a lot of patience.

    Only fools rush in.

  • A Prayer for Mama

    I couldn’t let this holiday go by without remembering everyone’s favorite girl – Mom!

    This is one of the few things in life we all have in common. So in honor of Mother’s Day, let’s celebrate the person, the concept and the substitutes for the work that they have done, are doing and will do.

    To the good mothers who are deceased, we pray that your souls rest in peace until the coming of the Lord. Like the Apostle Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 – “And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” The work that you have done and the legacies you have left behind will live in our hearts and minds for generations. Thank you and we will always love you.

    To the good mothers who are living the golden years, we pray that the God of heaven will continue to bless you with years. You hold a special place in our hearts because you are a constant icon of everything that represents the joys in our lives. When we were young it was you who outlasted the great depression and took the lessons learned from it and made sure that we had food, clothing and shelter. You survived WWII and showed us how to make a home, how to stay married and how to love unconditionally. You were able to do a lot with a little and for that, we are eternally grateful.

    To the good mothers who are still raising children, we pray that our Father in heaven will continue to give you the strength and patience to deal with all the “new age” problems facing children today. We thank you for listening. We thank you for the sacrifices. We thank you for not allowing a broken or dysfunctional home to be an excuse for not taking care of the children. We thank you for being able to provide for the family when dad is absent, unemployed or incarcerated. We thank you for being phenomenal women and we love you!

    To the new mothers and mothers to be, we thank you for enlisting in the greatest army of caretakers on the planet. We thank God that you choose to raise children. We thank you for your desire, example and love. We pray that God will give you healthy babies to love and good men to raise them with. We pray that life’s challenges and opportunities don’t sway you from your task. We pray that you take parenting to the next level and educate our kids for a brighter future. Thank you for carrying the torch!

    To the substitutes, step moms and grandmothers, you hold a special place in our hearts and we thank God for putting you right where you were needed. We thank you for bringing peace to troubled situations. We thank you for mending broken homes and relationships. We pray that God will continue to bless the work of your hands and for giving you such a big heart. We love you!

    To the bad mothers, we thank God for you because believe it or not you are exactly what it was going to take to make some folks do better. God used you in a mighty way to allow his grace and mercy to shine through. Despite the wounded souls left in your path, we honor God on this day because His will is perfect. Don’t wonder why you are alone on this day. Go mend the broken relationships. Allow for healing by allowing your heart to be soft toward your sins. Ask for forgiveness. The ones that are hurt have been waiting on it. Once you have learned your lessons, teach others.

  • True Revolution

    This past Friday marks the 35th anniversary of the end of the Vietnam War. I look back at that war and wonder what the history books will actually say happened.

    Will it say that we were invaders who tried to take control of another country’s commodities? Will it say that we are baby killers? Will it call our government a bunch of liars? Will it actually say that we lost that war?

    I remember being in my elementary school and junior high school social studies classes and we would spend much time talking and learning about the two world wars. I remember learning about war heroes who eventually became presidents, like George Washington, Teddy Roosevelt and Ulysses S. Grant. I even remember hearing about the civil rights era and it was like they picked a figure (Martin Luther King Jr., or Rosa Parks), stuck with just their story and avoided all the other things surrounding those historical events – like the murders of Medgar Evers and Malcolm X.

    I wonder is there some council of editors who decide what should be written in our history books and what should be excluded? Is there another council that checks to make sure that what is written is not too offensive to the powers that be? Where is the censorship coming from? It seems as though the history books wait on the current events until most of those who would be offended or who are guilty, are at least too old to remember anything, dead, or just too old to be prosecuted.

    I thought about (when I was in the 5th grade) the John F. Kennedy assassination and for the longest time I couldn’t believe that one person was actually able to kill the leader of the free world so easily. Then once the internet got up and running, I was able to get some other perspectives. I remember thinking that the Kennedy family must have pissed off the wrong person back then. I even remember thinking that the mafia must have been behind all these murders. I thought that because I watched a lot of mobster films and Hollywood always had a way of making bad things look good. Al Capone was one of the coolest figures in history to me.

    I guess my point is this: There used to be such a thing as the power of the press.  In the 1700’s, Benjamin Franklin began a tradition in the newspaper business that set the tone for the industry. Corporations, politicians and organizations were kept honest because they knew shady practices would be questioned, statements would be checked for validity and any claims made would be investigated. Today, we tell the press what to print. I remember the horrible Fort Bragg shooting. If you recall the earliest reports, we were told that the shooter was dead. All media outlets reported the same thing. Later that evening, he was in the hospital in intensive care. How could this have happened?

    We need to be a society that cares. By caring I mean we need to literally give a damn about what is happening in our country. We need to get involved and question everything. The days of staying in the dark are over. We are actually smarter than 5th graders and we need to act like it. There are things going on in our nation that are suspect. We need to demand answers and hold leaders accountable.

    I’m not trying to sound like a tea bagger here. The difference is that they believe there was a time in our past where we had things under control and life was good. They actually think we were once in control of things and we dictated our direction.

    I am saying that we were never in control. There was never a time in history when America was “fair” to all people and we certainly never controlled the direction of the country. The revolution I’m calling for is new, active, open and real. It says that we need to decide first the type of country we want to be and then make every effort to be that country. And those that are opposed can go to … Canada?

  • The Crime of Cheating!

    So it seems that in America we have a conscience. Albeit a conditional conscience, but nevertheless a conscience.

    Tiger Woods and many other super athletes, famous actors, rich folks and presidents have all been caught cheating on their spouses. The only difference between 70 years ago and now is that today we act like we really care. When we look at the fall of marriage in America, our attempt to keep it sacred is to crucify the ones who get caught violating the bonds of marriage as a reminder for us all. It’s sort of like in medieval times when they would have public executions.

    Well, Tiger Woods was the latest victim. Sad to say for me I won’t see him and golf the same anymore. The reason is not what you think. I DO NOT condone cheating on your spouse, but it happens. I don’t condone lying either, but guess what? It happens. However, here we have this rich guy, who has made this woman rich beyond her wildest imagination. He’s a very powerful man who does many charitable things – including a state of the art school for inner city kids to provide them with a first-class education. One reporter made the comment that he shouldn’t have the school anymore because he’s not a good role model. Seriously?!?

    The man plays golf very well — better than anyone else on the planet. Let’s say that he is a role model. Wouldn’t that role model status be limited to just golf? Or are we really to believe that because he’s an awesome golfer that he has to live up to the standards of moral excellence as well? Is there some secret code that says a man who excels in anything, must be as good in everything else?

    Tiger shouldn’t have cheated. He probably shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place, but for this adult to be reduced to this scrutiny about his personal life is not fair. The crime for this cheat isn’t the cheating – it’s the self righteous views of the public. Cheating doesn’t mean Tiger is now a bad golfer, a bad father or even a bad husband. It just means he cheated and it was a bad decision.

    It’s not even our business. Some argue that this is the price for fame. It’s not. He is a victim of circumstance. Seventy years ago, this wouldn’t have made the news. Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth and many other athletes, rich folks, presidents and famous actors cheated. Men particularly would cheat because they could without much of a penalty back then. There were not even laws to take care of the victims back then. So guess what the victims did? They stayed. They made adjustments and they remained married. It was what men did and women were expected to take it and be thankful for what they had. (Rent the movie Mona Lisa Smile for more info on this).

    Again, I am not condoning cheating. What I’m saying is that if this is the standard we are going to maintain, then we should do it for everyone. Not just the rich and famous, but everyone. But we can’t stop there. What about the victims in these cases? When is there a judgment against them? Maybe Tiger’s wife when she got angry with him, she withheld sex. Maybe Tiger likes to do really kinky things that she doesn’t want to do. Maybe she’s not as clean as Tiger would like her to be and it’s a turnoff for him. Or maybe she’s just a spoiled little daddy’s girl whose attitude of entitlement has pushed Tiger away. Or maybe she has done nothing to deserve this. In all of these cases, they don’t need public commentary, they need private counseling.

    I hope my point is clear. If not I’ll spell it out one last time in these three easy points:

    1)      A marriage is sacred and we should worry about what’s going on in our own homes and stay out of other people’s homes unless we’ve been invited in.

    2)      Super athletes are great at one thing – the sport they play – and we should admire the talent and honor God for the gift, but point the moral finger at ourselves. We shouldn’t place expectations on other people. We should only place them on ourselves.

    3)       If there is a mistake a person can make to wipe out the many things they’ve done well, then we’ve condemned everyone…because everyone makes mistakes.

    Those that live in glass houses should not throw stones!

  • Who’s really to blame?

    It seems as though our laws and legal system are missing the grade as each relates to being a deterrent to crime. We make laws and those laws are broken. We set up a court system and it gets overcrowded and has more repeat offenders than a Cedar Point ride.

    Is there a way that we could set up a system that would really work: Be a deterrent to crime and not overcrowd our court system and jails?

    I’ve taken a therapeutic approach to this solution.

    What if everyone had to have a family tree? And with the family tree — that would always go back two generations – all the members of the family would be responsible and accountable for their own family.

    This would mean that if my son went to jail, not only would my dad and I get fined because of it, but our family would have to pay to have him housed in jail or prison until he gets out. So if he was there for 30 days, it would be our collective family’s responsibility to make sure he gets three hots and a cot or reimburse the jail or prison system for providing it. If he was in prison for 10 years, then we would have to provide the same.

    I wonder if this was the law, would people do better at raising their children? It seems like my system would work in a number of areas. What if my son had children out of wedlock and didn’t (or couldn’t) take care of them? Then my dad and I would have to fit the bill for that. What if my kid was cited for bullying kids at school more than three times? What if the fines doubled with each offense with the starting offense being $100? That would mean with the third citation we would owe $400 (in addition to the $300 we paid for the previous two). Is that enough to make parents raise their children properly?

    I believe that because of the great depression, subsequent parents afterward were frightened into making sure that food, clothing and shelter were priorities. This meant that our physical needs in most cases would be taken care of. Television shows from the 50s and 60s bear witness to the classic family model of a stay at home mother and a father that was the “bread winner”. The parents’ roles were designed to meet the physical needs, but what about emotional, mental, spiritual needs?

    Today, simply providing for the physical needs of your children is the same thing we do for pets. Something has to thrust us into the lives of our children. Kids today are missing the unconditional love that comes from BOTH parents.

    A boy needs to know what it’s like for a man to love him and be intimate with him without shame. A daughter needs to know and feel the security that comes from having the first man she ever loved tell her that she is beautiful, intelligent and can do anything she puts her mind to. Both children need to see their dad love their mom and sacrifice for the whole family. On that same line, the children need to know and feel a mother’s nurturing and love, unconditionally. A boy needs to have respect for his mother and sisters and see other females the same way he sees them. This is the governor of his hormones for there would definitely be something wrong if a boy tried to put a move on his mother or sister.

    The whole point of this is that we need to get back to the things that are most important – the family. And it just seems that in America the only way to get people to understand the magnitude of this problem is to hold them financially responsible for the actions of their offspring.