Posted in Uncategorized

The Psychology of Waiting

Heinz ketchup had this series of commercials back in the day that showed someone holding the bottle and their ketchup slowly coming out and the music would start playing and you would hear a group singing the word anticipation in a syncopated rhythm. It would be over a hamburger, hotdog or fries and I have to admit, it was very effective. You got the idea that this ketchup was thick and rich and definitely worth waiting for. It also said that you don’t eat this type of food without Heintz ketchup.

Life is full of waiting. It is said that the average person throughout their lifetime spends five years waiting in lines and queues where roughly six months of that is waiting at traffic lights. Yikes!! That’s a lot of waiting. But what would be harder to calculate is how much of the waiting was beneficial or a waste of time.

Is waiting 2 hours for a 7 minute rollercoaster ride worth it? Or how about waiting 24 hours to buy tickets to see your favorite musical group? Or what about 12 hours in the cold for a “Black Friday” deal?

There are some people right now waiting on a marriage proposal; waiting on someone in hospice to die; waiting on results from tests; waiting to hear back from a job interview; or waiting for military personnel to come home.

Probably the greatest wait of our lives would be the times where we find ourselves between a tragedy and a triumph. All you can do is wait. And in that time period where the news reports that the earthquake, hurricane or open shooter is in the direct area of your loved one and you are trying to find out how bad this outcome is for your family. Will we be planning a funeral soon or did I have nothing to worry about. But all you can do is wait. So the logical question is what do we do during the space between a tragedy and a triumph?

Some pray but is God really intervening in issues like this? How do we know? What if this tragedy is the time your loved one was supposed to die? Do we believe God is extending time for some folks? Or others meditate which does nothing for the person in the storm but helps with the waiting. Others worry themselves sick only to find out there was nothing to worry about. Still others become so angry because waiting gives us a cold slap in the face to remind us that we are NOT in control. Waiting helps to develop patience, trust and character. And there are those times when waiting just flat out sucks!

So when you are waiting, spend more time seeing what lessons are in the act of waiting that address your issues. Are you a control freak? Well this may be your lesson in patience. Are you selfish or self serving? Waiting is your way of giving back. Or do you go 100 miles an hour all day for others to the point where you are not taking care of yourself? This may be your time to slow it down and see what you have missed. Whatever the case, waiting is one of life’s favorite venues to teach. Don’t miss your lesson. Embrace the wait!

Posted in Self

Tis the season to be . . .

It’s a shame that we have to have a season to tell us to be jolly.

Some of us spend most of our year angry, holding grudges, seeking revenge and hating and then sometime after Halloween we want to blend in with the rest of the country.

Can you imagine trying to be jolly on the heels of being a grinch for most of the year? There are some miserable people who suffered some kind of loss or was hurt in some type of way. They were overtaken by emotion and trapped within themselves trying to avoid a second attack of hurt.

In most cases we hid our faces from them because we did not want to be tied up with someone else’s pain — for we have our own pain, right?

I mean for people to consider others more than themselves and to sacrifice their own peace for the sake of helping someone else is… well… part of what the season reminds us.

The real message of the season is to carry these virtues throughout the year. If your thing is serving others, then have a year of it. If your thing is encouragement, encourage. If your finances allow you to help, don’t let the change of season stop you.

Whoever you are from January to October is who you should be during this season. You have totally missed your calling if you become another person for the holidays that no one recognizes throughout the year. Tis the season to continue to be your true self!

Posted in current events

The Character of George H. W. Bush

Former president George H.W. Bush died on November 30, 2018 at the age of 94. His wife, Barbara, died earlier in the year at the age of 92.

I have issues with all of our presidents because I keep thinking that just maybe one of them will decide to act in the true interest of Americans and not in the perceived interest. What I mean is for a country which has as much wealth as we do, the disproportionate amount circulating throughout the country is still controlled by 1 percent of the population. The American dream is supposed to be for all Americans — not just a few. This doesn’t mean that everyone should be wealthy, but the lowest in our society should live better than the lowest in any other country.

The playing field for success has never been equal and most of those who are wealthy started from a privileged place.

But what I like about George and Barbara is that they were leaders of their time, lived a modest life (although rich, they were not greedy), and put family first.

I love the fact that in Bush’s life he led on every level. I’m not just talking about being a hero in WWII or being elected to Congress nor being over the CIA or Vice President. I’m not even speaking of his presidency. This guy was always a leader and respected as one by his peers. High school and college he played sports and was the captain of the teams. He was an Ivy league grad (Yale) and jumped right into business not seeking assistance from the family fortune. I really admire this about him.

Bush could have really manipulated things in the leadership position he was in (like most did), but he chose a different set of virtues to follow.

I didn’t agree with most of his policies. Suc as his bank bailout for savings and loans which of course helped regulate the loans but didn’t begin to stop the discrimination in granting the loans to minorities; anti-drug law which gave our tax dollars to expand prisons and increase law enforcement which just led to more minorities going to prison; fair labor amendment that made minimum wages $4.25 instead of $4.55; and his veto of the civil rights act in 1990 which would have made a huge dent in discriminatory hiring practices were all detrimental to minorities.

However, I admire him for putting his family first and establishing within his family a heart for service.

He was the president who signed the Americans with Disabilities act, but I am shocked he did nothing to ensure that service men received their benefits.

He was credited with ending the Cold War and taking down communism around the world — the Berlin wall fell on his watch — but never did anything to stop racism and discrimination at home.

When he lost the election in 1992 to Bill Clinton, he said in an ABC interview that it hurt badly because he gave all he could and it wasn’t enough. That is probably the closest he would come to understanding the minority plight — to give so much to your country and be treated like you have done nothing.

Rest in peace sir and thank you for the good you attempted to do. My condolences to the Bush family.

Posted in Uncategorized

Everyone needs a good purge

The movie series called The Purge was basically about organizing what is naturally happening in America anyway and that is hurt people are hurting people.

Our laws are not a deterrent for crimes and the threat of prison never stopped anyone — just ask the million of folks incarcerated in the U.S.

So does it matter whether it naturally happens or whether it is orchestrated by the government? The movie has the government organizing it and selecting a day that allows crimes to go unpunished. I am not advocating that.

But what I am saying is there is nothing wrong with the concept of purging. If we viewed are individual selves as systems, then all I’m saying is that it matters who you allow in your system. If someone or something is bad for the system then it has to be purged.

Preachers advocate for Christians to purge anyone detrimental to your spiritual growth. Doctors advocate for patients to purge foods that are not healthy for their bodies. Therapists recommend their clients to purge people who mentally and emotionally are unstable and who bring that instability to their system.

You can eat something that is so disagreeable to your system that your stomach will purge it out so this is the natural order of things– right?

So let me be clear: For the sake of your holistic well-being you must purge on ever level of you life every single year!

There are people, places, things and ideas that have proven to be toxic for you. Why have you not purged? How will you ever heal if the catalyst for your pain and sorrow continues to exist in your life?

The best made plans of 2018 have been ruined by those who would rather destroy your life instead of improve theirs. The upkeep of your system is mandatory! The players you allow into your system are optional. Some things need to be dropped like a bad habit. Start making your list, planning your exit strategy and sharpening the shears! Dead weight needs to be cut away so that you can start to soar!

Happy purging!!!

Posted in Uncategorized

So let’s really have the talk about self esteem

Self esteem is defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. You would think that everyone would have confidence in their own abilities, but clearly we do not. And to make matters worse, we pass low self esteem on to the next generation.

Self esteem starts at home. Mommy and daddy nurture baby and gives him or her confidence in just being baby. Then little tasks are put in baby’s way so that esteem can be develop from successful completion of said tasks. This is repeated for the next 18 years and baby has fully grown up into a well balanced young man or young woman and ready to take on the world’s challenges.

In a perfect world.

However, in the world we live in, baby would need years of counseling to deal with what didn’t happen at home and what did happen at school. He or she would have to figure out that they have some value beyond any abuse they suffered and by the time they reach 18, they are normally too discouraged to continue to battle or fool with esteem.

So these young people will start processing their self esteem through relationships, jobs or possessions. They will use these things to hide the wounded inner child that is afraid to come out.

Sadly, all interactions become conditional and they can’t find a true friend. Facebook becomes their best friend and they start to tell all of their private business on social media platforms and then wonder why people avoid them.

Low self esteem doesn’t allow you to see that you have put yourself on the butt end of a fake reality show that you launched on social media. You look really bad and you can’t see it. You date losers or others who need fixing. You constantly help and show love to others but get nothing in return.

Every adult relationship has been jacked up and actually believe you were in love before. Who is going to fix this nightmare? Who is going to make your situation better?

Start with the one in the mirror and get them counseling fast!

Posted in Uncategorized

An undercurrent of lies

Is it possible that our country has been lied to for so long that it is now expected?

One study suggests that we are lied to between 10 and 200 times every day and one and five interactions will be a lie.

Selfishness helps magnify the effects of lying. You see, no one really cares about a lie until it goes against or harms them. Lies have been accepted in our society so much that we no longer covet truth. A version of the truth is no more truth than a hot dog manufacturer claiming to produce 100 percent beef hotdogs because the nostrils, genitals and other gross parts are from a cow.

Sadly, deception is a learned behavior. We lie to spare feelings, we lie to make ourselves look better, we lie to avoid more conflict, we lie for self preservation and we even lie without cause. Relationships are based on lies. Resumes are full of lies. Our government and politics are full of lies. Every single person lies.

So if everyone lies, what’s the big deal? Great question! The issues is not a lie or two. The issue really is how much lying is actually going on, because a single lie can be told multiple times within an organization, until it (the lie) becomes the new truth. Marketing and advertising have preyed on our emotions and made claims of what products can do just to make a buck. Every war or world conflict we have been a part of has a lie or lies at its roots. American history, as told by us, is a big lie. Insurance companies constantly lie (like other agencies) by not telling the whole truth. Religion is full of lies from the first lie told in the garden of Eden to the prosperity preaching pulpit that claims you will be prosperous by departing with your funds.

We can not stop lies, but we can control the amount of carriers in our lives. If most of your friends regularly lie to you, are they still your friends? Only you can answer that question.

How often do you lie? And is there any correlation to how much you lie and the amount of lies that come back to you?

Lies have stolen our integrity, corroded our character and destroyed our loyalties. It is the second most destructive behavior behind our greatest level of vanity. But the greatest thing a lie is — is that it’s a choice.

Posted in Uncategorized

Commitment vs. Habit and the quality of your life

There are certain things in life that require a commitment and there are others that can be done by habit and you never want to confuse the two.

Could you imagine your marriage being a habit — as in she has a habit of acting like a wife or he has a habit of acting like he loves her?

Habit does not belong in certain places and marriage is one of those. It also doesn’t belong in parenting or church.

God doesn’t want you to have a habit of going to church although many are going because of habit. This means that their regular routine has developed without passion, understanding and truth.

It just means that it became a consistency of behavior that resulted in one going to a particular place and taking up a particular space for a particular time and you just got used to that.

Webster defines habit as a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior. It’s associated with addiction and is a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance.

Simply put, you keep doing the same thing over again until it flies under your cognitive radar. You don’t think about doing it, you just do it.

Now this is great news if we are talking about going to the gym, drinking enough water, calling ahead when you are going to be late and walking your dog. It is horrible for the more meaningful things of life.

Commitment, on the other hand, is much more meaningful, calculated and cognitively processed. You are fully aware of a commitment and you are fully engaged in the process.

Webster says of commitment: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future or an engagement to assume a financial obligation in the future.

Commitment is the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled.

This is a far cry from an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.

So imagine building a relationship with God out of habit. Often times a habit doesn’t require much thought so you can see how that becomes counterproductive in prayer, trusting God or getting help from him. You cannot have a productive relationship with God by habit. Habit will only get you to a church building but it won’t change your life.

As you look over your life, have you put commitment and habit in the right places? You commit to relationships and you develop healthy habits that benefit your mind, body and soul. Anything that is a matter of life or death, whether that is spiritual life or physical life has to be a commitment.

Correct application of these two principles is the difference between a healthy productive life and just existing.