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  • Part 2: Unconditional Love???

    In the Bible, the Apostle Paul made a really big deal about the gift of love. He says:

    “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”

    Whenever I have heard this passage (1 Corinthians 13:1-8) taught, it’s used as an absolute definition. I believe that the intent of this passage is to give you the results of practicing unconditional love, not simply define it.

    Unconditional love has nothing to do with the person being loved. It has everything to do with the person who is giving the love. Unconditional love seems to refine the giver. We dwell on the benefits to the receiver, but the giver of unconditional love benefits the more.

    Let’s say that I have an anger problem, but I choose to love unconditionally. As my anger is kindled, I am faced with the choice of whether to honor unconditional love or follow my anger. If I allow love in, it will not only conquer my anger, but solve the reason why I am angry in the first place.

    Or say that I am faced with a person who has the reputation of being incapable of love, what are my choices? I could choose to stay away from that person which is what most would choose, or I could choose love. Now, this doesn’t mean that we allow people to run over us. It means that we will love them enough to do what others would not and that includes telling them what they really need to hear instead of enabling their behavior.

    When you truly love someone, you don’t give up on them. This is why God said, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” When you truly love someone, when they are at their weakest, you are the strongest. This is why it was “while we were without strength, Christ died …”.

    When you truly love someone,  you become a benefit to them that they can see. You enhance their life so that it’s worth living. This is why Christ said, “I came to bring you life and life more abundantly.” The greatest part of loving someone is doing something for them that they could not do for themselves. This is why “God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever shall believe on him shall not parish, but have eternal life.”

    Love is something for the mature, not the immature. If you are trying to love someone and “self” keeps getting in the way, you’re not ready for the commitment of unconditional love. But if you would allow this love to have it’s way with you, all of your insecurities, fears, quirks and impurities would pour out of you.

    Remember, mankind requires a condition,but  God never did. Who do you believe will be left standing in the end?

  • Part 1: Unconditional love?

    Love is probably the most overused and misrepresented word in the English language.

    I say this because of the condition of the world. How many men use this word love to lure innocent woman into sexual relationships? How many children were conceived to teenage mothers under the idea that it was love? How many people have been betrayed by people who claimed to love them?

    Love is NOT something you fall in, something that finds you or something that you feel. Love is something that you know, it is taught and those who know what it is, practice it. It is a by-product of experiencing Jesus Christ or people like Him. It is expressed in many ways. Clearly, it is a way of life.

    By the way love is done in our country, we will never understand it the way it was intended. Love is conditional in America. People practice it conditionally and place expectations of the people they are loving. Love is distributed based on whether or not you meet the lover’s expectations.

    This explains why a young woman searching for love will give herself sexually because she understands love as conditional. Men have long made sex a condition for their love. After all, that fits the love economy we have here so people just run with it.

    This also explains the divorce rate.

    Fifty percent of all marriages will end in divorce. That number goes up 20 percent for law enforcement and fire fighters. Why? Conditions were just not met.

    We have played with this concept long enough. Next week I will show you a more excellent way.

  • The parable of the lines: part 2

    Parables are always wonderful stories. Jesus Christ is the master teacher and he told them far better than any man. This little parable of the lines gives us great insight to the condition of America.

    There is a condition in our country that creates a permanent underclass. We have generations of people living on government assistance and this is never what FDR intended when his administrator looked for a way to provide temporary help for families in need. Families were quite different during that time.

    There were many jobs to be had and they required little or no skill. A person back then could graduate from high school and secure a good enough living to sustain a family. Somewhere along the way we got greedy and began to get paid more for doing less. This sense of entitlement is what led to the first and second lines.

    Struggle has become a way of life for so many in our country that it seems most don’t mind residing in the first two lines.  The second line at least tried to work out a plan and purpose for their lives, but their efforts were met with rules that were against them and a lack of real opportunity. The largest part of that opportunity comes because despite America being culturally diverse, the people doing the hiring are not interested in creating a staff that is culturally diverse.

    What we have then and now is the hiring managers and the gatekeepers of the majority of our jobs hire those people who they feel most comfortable hiring – which is normally a person of the same race. That wouldn’t be a problem if the gatekeepers and hiring managers were already diversified. Now this does not make them all racists. It means that this trend has helped to create this permanent underclass. Still many companies are just now hiring their first black this or their first Hispanic that. And I’m talking about the real jobs, not the minimum wage gigs or the middle management positions. I’m talking about the six figure jobs.

    The third line is basically your middle class and this group is just trying to prove that the American Dream does exist. It’s the group that doesn’t like everything that is going on, but because their scenarios are not as bad as others, they grin and bear it. The interesting part is that more of this class is beginning to understand how the fourth line got to be the way it is.

    The fourth line cheated, benefited from old money and/or knew someone that showed them the way. It’s sad, but true.

    This parable really is about change and the real need we have in America to change. This is one of a thousand scenarios that could describe this trend. We are in trouble. If we stay the course, we won’t make it. We need to wake up and be heard. What are you prepared to do?

  • The parable of the lines

    So there was this very large storehouse filled with people of all races. Inside were a few lines. One line ran from inside of the building to the outside and wrapped several times around the building. The entrance to the building had a sign posted that said: “Dare to Dream.”

    This first line that stretched outside the door was filled with those who had no plan for their life. In this line were people who just lived their lives day by day, no plan, no sense of urgency, just existing. Many in this line were hoping to get a handout or help from the owner of the storehouse. Every blue moon the store owner would toss the folks in this line a bone, but clearly it was nothing worthy of staying in this line. This line was also cloaked so those standing in it could pretend to be anything or anybody they wanted. Basically, something to keep them occupied while they stood in line doing nothing. They dreamed of hitting the lotto, finding a bundle of money or getting rich through inheritance – anything but earning the living themselves.

    Once inside it was easy to see that there were several other lines. The line closest to the first line didn’t have as many people in it, but it had an equal share of minorities as did the first. Of all the lines in the storehouse, the first and second lines had far more minorities per nationality. In the second line were folks who actually had a plan, but a combination of things changed the course of where they were going. Some had problems from within themselves. They doubted themselves or just didn’t have the proper nurturing growing up to believe they could succeed. These folks were also stifeld by outside influences. Empty promises, prejudices, storehouse rules and other people in the same line and the first line seemed to be the largest contributors. It seems as though both lines were taught to discriminate against each other. They never hated their oppressors, just each other.

    The third line was the first true productive line and it was set on an incline. It was harder to advance in this line, but just by the fact that you were in this line had certain benefits. This line lived better than the first two. The folks in this line knew more about line rules than the others. They knew not to get into the first two lines. They knew that the harder line would have the incline, but it would also have the greatest benefits. These people designed a plan and worked diligently to execute it with success.

    At first glance inside this storehouse, it looked like there were only three lines, when in actuality there was a fourth line. Instead of having a traditional line where people would line up behind each other. This line (if we could call it that) was simply a wall and a rope. The rope was very thick and rugged. The rope didn’t even look like anyone had used it to climb, but it was there. Occasionally some folks from the third line made it over to the fourth line, but the rope was just too rugged and thick for climbing. Many fell attempting the climb.

    The store owner was of the privileged in this line. When you asked anyone in the fourth line how they got over, they all respond with the same story: They fought through until they got to the top of the wall and then jumped over. There are lots of rumors about the fourth line. No one in the third line believed their story and even some in the second line questioned it. Evidence has been gathered of a trampline behind the wall in the fourth line. So are these guys really climbing or is there a secret to their success?

    What does this parable mean to you?

  • Voting is a right, right?

    It’s November again and that means that in most parts of the country we will be setting our clocks back participating in Benjamin Franklin’s daylight savings regimen. It also means for this year that we will be exercising our American to vote for whatever candidate we choose.

    There’s much interest in getting people out to vote and there’s a lot on social networking sites like Facebook encouraging people to vote. I was asked recently why I am voting. The intent of the question was for me to say something like my ancestors fought for the right for me to vote and many of African heritage died so that myself and other minorities may have the right to vote. So basically I should, and every minority should take pride because “they” are letting us vote.

    I keep going back to the original question. What happen in the distant past does not motivate me to vote. What has happened in just the last decade keeps coming to mind for me along with the age old question of will my vote matter. For me, every time I go to the polls I think of why Al Gore didn’t continue to fight for his presidency. I keep thinking that with a race that close, he owed it to those who voted for him – the majority of the country – to challenge those results. He started, and then he just stopped. It’s as if he saw a butterfly flying outside his window and got interested in the environment and global warming.

    Then I think of the Bush vs. Kerry election and how there were people in poorer districts that were robbed of an opportunity to vote. I also think of the punch card controversy (carried over from the previous election) and who could forget the recounts in Ohio.

    If this were not enough, I think of how we taught Iraq how to vote – complete with teaching them about political parties and our brand of politics.

    I even question why we still have an electoral college. I often wonder if our elections are fixed or if it was just created to look like a complicated “rubrics cube” and President Barack Obama found the right algorithm to solve it.

    Maybe I’m thinking too much, but the last decade you’ll notice – if you have been paying attention – that our country is headed down a slippery slope. We have massive debt, a divided government, we have totally disrespected the power and position of the President and we’ve given every interest group the right to openly challenge authority, fight the powers that be and openly practice deception all in the name of democracy.

    I fear that America is too dumb to handle its problems. Too many people don’t have a clue to what’s really happening and the media has not done anything to help. People are voting for a candidate based on everything but the candidates true ability to serve in the office they are running for. Am I the only one frightened by this?

    I feel like our country is being hi-jacked by a bunch of irresponsible kids who claim to like tea. You know the ones who have made bad decisions and as a result were home living in mom and dad’s basement. Well now those same kids want to select positions in Congress.

    Although there are many reasons to vote, the glaring reason for me these days is habit.

  • Share the God in you

    It takes a special type of person to give.

    There are enough stingy, stubborn folks in the world and what we clearly need to see more of is that good ole’ fashioned, unconditional giving.

    Many things have been written and said about givers or volunteers, as they are sometimes called. I had the privilege to speak at a volunteer symposium hosted in Bay City, MI and sponsored by the Michigan Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. I had the opportunity to meet some seniors who really knew how to live. They understood the meaning of “good living” as they were at retirement age, but still working – yet this time for free.

    There are not many things in our world that are free. In fact, when you see something truly free, you do a double take because it looks too good to be true. I remember when air was free at any gas station. I also watched as the cost went from being just 25 cents to $1.00 in some places. Well, the other day I needed a little air in my tire and I immediately fished through my coins to find four quarters. I got out of my truck and low and behold there was nowhere to put the coins. I thought, “go figure, it would be broken.” I’m glad I took a chance, because it was actually free. I couldn’t believe it. Now this gas station is in Farmington Hills, MI and it more than makes up for the price of air with all the other items in the store. It seems they added a penny or two to every item to cover the cost of air, but that’s another story.

    I bring the issue up of volunteering because I wonder how many people really understand the spiritual dynamics of giving. First, giving is a God trait. You know the Bible says, “For God so loved the world that he gave …” Secondly, the Good Book tells us that it is more blessed to give than receive. Many people miss this concept. You see, if you can give, you’ve already been blessed. And finally, giving brings us face-to-face with our covetousness. When you live in a land as bountiful as ours, we tend to never get enough. We take, take, take and never even think about giving until we have a holiday that tells us to give.

    Givers are the people who recognize and exalt more their standing with God over their status with the world. They believe that their existence is much more than what they can accumulate. They seek out ways to change other people’s lives for the better – and they do it just for the way it makes them feel.

    Try unconditional giving this week. Allow your blessings in life to be shared with others who truly need it. Whether you are giving of your means or time, both are precious and they represent the God in you. So please, share.

  • I can’t?

    Isn’t it funny how the mind works? I remember when I was in grade school and instead of attempting to master math, I spent the most productive hours convincing myself that math was “too hard” and that it “made no sense” and that it was “stupid to do.”

    I really convinced myself of that. Imagine that? I discovered years later that I could totally get my mind to buy into something. Today, it makes me take inventory of my life experiences to see what else I have talked myself into.

    Some of us have talked ourselves into marriage. Some of us had to convince ourselves that the things are parents did were not wrong, it was just the way they expressed their love. Some of us had to convince ourselves that we are worthless and have no value. Still others have convinced themselves that they are the problem and not the other person. Some are convinced that their spiritual leader must be right, or he wouldn’t be a spiritual leader.  All of this convincing causes us to live in pain – whether emotional, spiritual, mental or physical – we’re hurting … real bad!

    It seems we have forgotten the simple lessons when someone is trying to sell us something. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. If it takes some convincing, then it was probably the wrong thing. There is always a reason why we have our reservations. But it seems we have a soft spot for ourselves. We want to believe that we care enough about ourselves to never lead US astray.

    Unfortunately we do it often.

    I can convince myself to love, hate, fight, hold a grudge, spend money, be comfortable with being wrong, gossip, mistreat people and settle. There is no end to what I can convince my mind to do.

    Did you catch what I just said?

    All of us have the ability to convince ourselves of anything. What if we were to convince ourselves to seek positive change, be honest with ourselves and those around us. What if we convinced ourselves to save money, love one another, glorify God or even resist the devil.

    We need to take a self inventory of what we believe and how we came to believe it. Were we convinced by someone or self? Is what we believe true? To search ourselves and answer these questions is another way we can be free.

    We could totally eliminate the words “I can’t” from our lives.

    Then what would our reality be? What would it be like for us to exercise this over ourselves for the betterment of self. Is it too late for a situation or circumstance to be effected by this? Will we let fear stop us from doing what the rest of our being already knew to do?

    Let’s not waste our minds on “I can’t.”

  • The lioness, the witch and the wardrobe

    After thinking about the blog I wrote regarding men being thoroughbreds and Jackasses, I said to myself: “Self, women have their pluses and minuses too, so we should be fair and write about both.” I’m not sure if the “we” makes me schizophrenic, nevertheless, let us tell you a little something about women.

    God made women to be natural nurturers and lovers. Every single woman, whether they are old or young, rich or poor, they are all nurturers and lovers. The very emotions that we men sometimes hate are all mixed into the nurturing pot that gives women such a forgiving and hoping spirit. Every woman wants the most for their children and all have the ability to see the best in their children, even when it is difficult for others to see. This has been transferred so many times to the men in their lives and, unfortunately, many don’t deserve it.

    By now, you’re thinking, “So what happens?” I’m sure many would argue that not all women are like this. (I am saying all women are as I’ve described).

    Well, what happens when you love real hard is the same thing that happens when you drive too fast – eventually you crash. The women who we judge by saying they are not like I’ve described are the very women who have crashed. Whether they fell in love with the wrong guy, a married guy or a gay guy, these women have been hurt and what you are seeing in the (present day) is the results of the hurt. Their adaption, if you will.

    I have placed them in three categories to better understand their position.

    Some women as a result of their hurting have resorted to being overly selfish and only looking out for self. I call this the wardrobe part. This type of woman is only interested in what you can do for her and what you have done for her lately. She is adorned in extremely expensive clothes, jewelry and accessories (for no other reason than  in her mind she’s convinced herself that she’s worth it), and now she needs you to prove your love to her. The proof she requires is all physical. In her mind, she believes that when the relationship ends (and now for her they all will), she needs something of value to take from the relationship – Wardrobe!

    Next is Witch and I was thinking of the word that rhymes with this, but I don’t like using it to refer to females. Witches, too, have crashed – and for them every man is viewed the same way – DOGS! Since her crash, she believes that men are limited in what they are good for –  so as a woman, she just gets what she can from them and vows not to put up with any mess! Witches use their actions as protective shields to defend against being hurt again. Hurt for them has become such a dominating part of their life that they cause hurt first (or draw first blood) believing that hurt is a necessary part of relationships. The more they have been hurt, the more of a witch they will be.

    Then finally we reach the Lioness. Although these felines are still a little finicky, they serve multiple roles in a relationship and they’re all positive. This is the type of woman who is a triple threat: She can make a house a home, she can earn a great living and she is very giving of herself. She loves without barriers. You can always tell a Lioness by the way she treats her children. She could easily fulfill the role of the male, but she understands that he’s the real king. She also knows how to make the male feel like the king – why do you think he has such a loud roar?

    There is another kind of woman I call the pawn. She has not experienced much of anything and doesn’t know much of anything. You should not attempt a relationship with a pawn unless you are willing to be patient and teach. She’ll need time to develop and decide who she wants to be before she really can have a healthy relationship with someone else.

    In each category, understand that the right “King” can change the disposition of anyone. Remember, he’s called a thoroughbred!

  • A little bit more

    Every time I watch any of the Rocky series, I always seem to get caught up in the outcome. Saying I get caught up is an understatement. I even get quite emotional. The reason is because I can really relate. I haven’t boxed in years and I’m not talking about relating to boxing. I’m talking about being able to relate to struggle.

    Of all the things that have been written about determination, I like this quote the best: “Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more. They did all that was expected of them and a little bit more.” Now I’m not sure who said this quote or where I originally read it, but it has been something that I often think about or focus on during difficult times.

    I believe all successful people would at some point credit self determination as a catalyst to their success. Success of course is relative to what you want out of live and your decision to get it. We have to decide to be successful.

    I don’t intend to make success seem like rocket science. I believe everyone is living the life they planned. I realize that this may be hard for some to take, but whether you planned to succeed or didn’t make a plan at all, your life is following a course. You determine whether it’s good or bad.

    Determination is defined as the act of deciding definitely and firmly. Former President Abe Lincoln said, “Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.”

    If you haven’t heard it before, let me tell you that whoever you are and it doesn’t matter where you are from, success is yours. All you have to do is first decide that you want it. Once you firmly decide to want something, this is the key to doing everything. I’ve often said that the only thing different between someone who has succeeded and someone who has failed is the fact that the successful one believed they could be successful. That’s it. Not education, not who they knew, not anything else but belief.

    So I gotta ask you. What do you believe?

  • Thoroughbreds and Jackasses

    I’ve been looking at breeds of horses and similar animals and it dawned on me how much the dating world mirrors these breeds.

    Women have a very tough time in this world because it really seems that fairy tales and dysfunctional families have finally taken a toll. As little girls they begin to have expectations based on what they have been told.

    Most every little girl grows up believing that she needs to be saved!

    They believe that there is going to be some knight in shining armor coming around to “rescue” them from whatever the impending danger is. This guy would make them feel secure, happy, he would take care of them and they would never have to worry about working outside the home – he had it all covered.

    Just like dad?

    How many ladies today grew up in a dysfunctional family where if there was a live-in father, he could never really be anyone’s “savior”? Too many men run from the responsibility of parenting. Despite the fact that they have donated the sperm to create a child, these fellows aren’t looking forward to the family life.

    Well, what does all this have to do with thoroughbreds and jackasses? It seems that in our society the choices of men follow the same classifications as our four-legged friends.

    First, in the Equus ferus caballus family is the foal, sometimes referred to as the suckling and is generally less than a year old. For a man, this is the stage where he thinks he is ready to play house, but not ready to “support” a house. It’s at this stage where he believes that he is a man, but still needs the help of his parents – especially mom (place sucking sounds here). These “mama’s boys” – no matter how cute they are – are not ready for a serious, adult relationship and should be left alone.

    Next we fast forward to the Colt. This is a young male horse under the age of four. For adult males, these years symbolize college or the first couple of years in the workforce. This guy is not ready for a family, but is always mistaken for being ready. He will rant and rave about being an adult, but has not yet mastered the growth to equally challenge the responsibility of being in a committed relationship. I must mention that even though he’s on his way, this young man needs time to develop before being taken out to the track (of life).

    A stallion is up next and this would refer to a non-castrated male horse that is over the age of four. As a man, this level is crucial because just as the stallion is powerful and ready to ride, he is equally as playful and will say he wants to go to the track, but he’s really just looking for a rider. These animals love to be ridden and you’re a great rider if you can tame one of them. If you can’t, it’s best to walk away. You have to be willing to regroup and not throw all your eggs in one basket. Remember, just because you were not the right rider for one, doesn’t mean you can’t learn to ride another.

    When we begin to discuss Thoroughbreds (Tb) we are talking about a distinct breed of horse. Many modern Thoroughbreds can trace their pedigrees to three stallions originally imported into England in the 17th and 18th centuries. Everyone wants a Thoroughbred. Nowadays, we are so quick to call someone a Tb. It’s like if he stands bipedal, he’s a Tb! In actuality, Tb are men who know exactly how to “handle their business.” These are the real dudes that day in and day out deliver. There is no second guessing in their relationships. Unfortunately, they have become the “needle in a haystack” for the dating world.

    Now a Jackass is a domesticated member of the horse family and in our society, men in this category are a little less domesticated. They are arrogant, liars, selfish and stubborn. They seem to be the only ones who can’t see that they are like this. Their failures are always someone else’s fault. They are quick to tell you what’s wrong with you and could care less about your feelings. They will suck dry your energy, resources and emotions if you let them and it’s impossible for them (in their current state) to replenish anything. The hardest part of being in a committed relationship is thinking you have a Tb when you actually have a Jackass — but only a codependent woman would think that a Jackass was a Thoroughbred – and there is nothing more devastating than realizing you’ve been waking up next to a Jackass.