ClydeStyle

Tag: Parenting

  • Restoring virtue back in Father’s Day

    I’m not exactly sure when it happened but fathers have been given a bad deal when compared to their counter parts for decades. The trend seems to follow how dads are viewed on television.

    What I mean is that back in the day we saw strong fathers leading their families, being the bread winner and dishing out the punishments. Dads were revered, respected and trusted. They were the shinning example of what a kid would want to grow up and be like.

    Most today have forgotten the famous dads of old: Ward Cleaver, Andy Griffin, and Ricky Ricardo. They were shortly replaced by Archie Bunker, Fred Sanford and George Jefferson. Then it got much worse with cartoon dads: Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin and good old Bob from Bob’s burgers. The role of dad became comic relief and lost its once shiny posture.

    During all this transformation the family units were broken up and women took the lead roles and became responsible for the whole house. So this is now father’s day weekend and the lowercase “f” was purposeful. In a month where fathers were honored is now sharing the spotlight with gay pride.

    I propose a campaign where fathers are placed back in their rightful positions as the leaders of their homes and a shelter and shield for their families. Women get a big star for attempting to both but look at all the shared responsibilities that come with having a real man standing st the gates of your heart and being the “house band” that he was called to be. Let us salute and encourage fathers everywhere to step into the light and take a bow!

    Happy Father’s Day!!!

  • Birthdays are bigger than we think

    I think we all know people who, when asked about their birthday, say that they don’t celebrate it anymore or that it’s just not a big deal.

    What are we really saying about ourselves when we make these statements?

    One of the things I love about spring is that in addition to the season in the Midwest beginning to change, I have two lovely daughters who celebrate birthdays in March and in April.

    My girls are special to me. They know that they are special, but on their birthdays, I have an extra opportunity to celebrate the fact that they exist.

    This is a fact of life that is often overlooked in childrearing.

    The stability, security and self-esteem for any daughter are wrapped up in her daddy. A father is the first man that a daughter should be in love with. The number one reason is because this would be the daughter’s first taste of TRUE love – unconditional, never-ending, God-like love.

    Codependent women, for the most part, did not experience a strong interpersonal relationship with their fathers.

    I have counseled a variety of women who have said that even when their father was there, he really wasn’t there. He lived at the house, they ate dinner together sometimes and he was a great provider of physical things.

    But how often they exchanged intimacy was in question.

    There were no tender moments. They would say things like. “I know my Dad loved me, he just doesn’t express himself that way.” Or, “Dad loves me, he’s just very busy.”

    The effects are devastating.

    The daughter that doesn’t have the strong interpersonal relationship with her dad will always struggle with her relationships with men. The codependent part comes in her defining moments. She will always wonder is she beautiful, does she matter, who loves her.

    And she will look for a male to supply her with these answers.

    Just imagine the teenage boys willing to tell these girls that they are beautiful, they are important and they are loved.

    What do you think these codependent girls will do in return for these simply words that should have come from her dad?

    If you have ever wondered how some guys ended up with these very beautiful and intelligent women – you guessed it, codependency.

    The point here is this: Every little girl needs to know that she is loved and that she matters. In fact all of us do. These two things are directly attached to her inner conscious which she will then use to fight off the voice that tell her no one loves her or she’s ugly.

    This is why birthdays are especially important to all of us. They should be used as a tool to express love and to celebrate the life of a person we love. Everyone should have at least one day a year where people make a fuss, go out of their way and express their love all because of the birth of that special someone.

    It is also for this reason that my two little girls will always know that they matter, that I love them more than life itself and that they are smart and talented enough to do whatever they put their little minds to. They need to understand that our spirits are forever connected and death can’t even separate us. That our love is everlasting – which means from the day they were conceived, it was in love and that their life and death will be spent in love.

    Make sure the people you love know it. This must be demonstrated and said out loud often enough to make it a habit. This is how we live with no regret.

  • Who’s really to blame?

    It seems as though our laws and legal system are missing the grade as each relates to being a deterrent to crime. We make laws and those laws are broken. We set up a court system and it gets overcrowded and has more repeat offenders than a Cedar Point ride.

    Is there a way that we could set up a system that would really work: Be a deterrent to crime and not overcrowd our court system and jails?

    I’ve taken a therapeutic approach to this solution.

    What if everyone had to have a family tree? And with the family tree — that would always go back two generations – all the members of the family would be responsible and accountable for their own family.

    This would mean that if my son went to jail, not only would my dad and I get fined because of it, but our family would have to pay to have him housed in jail or prison until he gets out. So if he was there for 30 days, it would be our collective family’s responsibility to make sure he gets three hots and a cot or reimburse the jail or prison system for providing it. If he was in prison for 10 years, then we would have to provide the same.

    I wonder if this was the law, would people do better at raising their children? It seems like my system would work in a number of areas. What if my son had children out of wedlock and didn’t (or couldn’t) take care of them? Then my dad and I would have to fit the bill for that. What if my kid was cited for bullying kids at school more than three times? What if the fines doubled with each offense with the starting offense being $100? That would mean with the third citation we would owe $400 (in addition to the $300 we paid for the previous two). Is that enough to make parents raise their children properly?

    I believe that because of the great depression, subsequent parents afterward were frightened into making sure that food, clothing and shelter were priorities. This meant that our physical needs in most cases would be taken care of. Television shows from the 50s and 60s bear witness to the classic family model of a stay at home mother and a father that was the “bread winner”. The parents’ roles were designed to meet the physical needs, but what about emotional, mental, spiritual needs?

    Today, simply providing for the physical needs of your children is the same thing we do for pets. Something has to thrust us into the lives of our children. Kids today are missing the unconditional love that comes from BOTH parents.

    A boy needs to know what it’s like for a man to love him and be intimate with him without shame. A daughter needs to know and feel the security that comes from having the first man she ever loved tell her that she is beautiful, intelligent and can do anything she puts her mind to. Both children need to see their dad love their mom and sacrifice for the whole family. On that same line, the children need to know and feel a mother’s nurturing and love, unconditionally. A boy needs to have respect for his mother and sisters and see other females the same way he sees them. This is the governor of his hormones for there would definitely be something wrong if a boy tried to put a move on his mother or sister.

    The whole point of this is that we need to get back to the things that are most important – the family. And it just seems that in America the only way to get people to understand the magnitude of this problem is to hold them financially responsible for the actions of their offspring.