I think we all know people who, when asked about their birthday, say that they don’t celebrate it anymore or that it’s just not a big deal.
What are we really saying about ourselves when we make these statements?
One of the things I love about spring is that in addition to the season in the Midwest beginning to change, I have two lovely daughters who celebrate birthdays in March and in April.
My girls are special to me. They know that they are special, but on their birthdays, I have an extra opportunity to celebrate the fact that they exist.
This is a fact of life that is often overlooked in childrearing.
The stability, security and self-esteem for any daughter are wrapped up in her daddy. A father is the first man that a daughter should be in love with. The number one reason is because this would be the daughter’s first taste of TRUE love – unconditional, never-ending, God-like love.
Codependent women, for the most part, did not experience a strong interpersonal relationship with their fathers.
I have counseled a variety of women who have said that even when their father was there, he really wasn’t there. He lived at the house, they ate dinner together sometimes and he was a great provider of physical things.
But how often they exchanged intimacy was in question.
There were no tender moments. They would say things like. “I know my Dad loved me, he just doesn’t express himself that way.” Or, “Dad loves me, he’s just very busy.”
The effects are devastating.
The daughter that doesn’t have the strong interpersonal relationship with her dad will always struggle with her relationships with men. The codependent part comes in her defining moments. She will always wonder is she beautiful, does she matter, who loves her.
And she will look for a male to supply her with these answers.
Just imagine the teenage boys willing to tell these girls that they are beautiful, they are important and they are loved.
What do you think these codependent girls will do in return for these simply words that should have come from her dad?
If you have ever wondered how some guys ended up with these very beautiful and intelligent women – you guessed it, codependency.
The point here is this: Every little girl needs to know that she is loved and that she matters. In fact all of us do. These two things are directly attached to her inner conscious which she will then use to fight off the voice that tell her no one loves her or she’s ugly.
This is why birthdays are especially important to all of us. They should be used as a tool to express love and to celebrate the life of a person we love. Everyone should have at least one day a year where people make a fuss, go out of their way and express their love all because of the birth of that special someone.
It is also for this reason that my two little girls will always know that they matter, that I love them more than life itself and that they are smart and talented enough to do whatever they put their little minds to. They need to understand that our spirits are forever connected and death can’t even separate us. That our love is everlasting – which means from the day they were conceived, it was in love and that their life and death will be spent in love.
Make sure the people you love know it. This must be demonstrated and said out loud often enough to make it a habit. This is how we live with no regret.
2 Replies to “Birthdays are bigger than we think”
I just read this with wishes that I would have had a father like you. It took me 50 years to figure out why my life went the way it did and a lot of my decisions in one way or another was made because of my father’s absolute absence in my life. He chose to not include me in his life.
Your daughters are lucky and will grow up to have a healthy attitude toward men in general and will pick someone like their father, who loves and respects them.
Thank you for writing this and reaffirming the fact that there is another great father out there. It is very heartwarming to hear it.
Thanks for your kind words Dorothy. I really appreciate it! I know you know this already, but it is truly your father’s loss to not have you as a part of his life.
Having children has probably made me confused or naive about how a person can have a child and not want it.
I realize that some people face difficult circumstances and I’m no ones judge, but speaking for myself I wish sometimes that I could be that daddy for all the young girls who are growing up without one.
Children are so precious! Thanks for reading!
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