ClydeStyle

Category: Self

  • Scariest phrase: The past is of no consequence

    Do you ever think what it would be like to live without consequences? I mean, of course, there are always consequences, but we have a history of weighing the consequences and making the decision based on what we can handle or how much we have to pay.

    Former heavyweight champion, Jack Johnson, loved cars and loved to drive fast. One time, on a back road, he is caught speeding by an officer. The officer charged him $25 for the speeding ticket, which was huge back then. Johnson gave the officer $50, and the officer said he did not have change. Johnson said it was ok because he has to drive back this way.

    Clearly, he weighed the consequences and accepted his fate, which led him to pay in advance.

    Everyone seems to do that with concrete things, but what about abstract?

    If I say something to hurt my wife’s feelings and I can tell that I did based on her actions, I could just apologize, or I can simply trust that she will get over it and move on.

    If my 5 year old grandbaby gets caught playing with the electrical outlet and I slap her hands and yell at her until she cries, I could feel justified in what I did because she could have seriously gotten hurt. But I see that my actions were more than just disciplinary in nature, as her ego is bruised. Do I attempt to recover her or stand as the authority?

    What if I’m the boss over 40 employees at work and I create a hostile work environment? Or, I create racial tensions by paying my white employees 37 percent more than minorities? What if I decide to make all my supervisors white? What if I never lay off anyone white? Or how about I just treat everyone badly because I can? What if I allow my bias to lead me? What if I am demeaning to women in the workplace?

    The past has no consequences, which is one of the greatest lies ever told. Offenders must recompense their victims. But before that happens, there has to be an acknowledgment of the wrongdoing. You can’t curse your wife, and then the next time you see her, you just start talking sweet to her without acknowledging your past mistakes.

    When we don’t acknowledge our wrongdoing, we lower the victims self-esteem. God takes that personal.

    Let me be clear: There are always consequences! Whether you get them immediately or later, now or in the future, today or in the afterlife, consequences are coming! Make amends today before it’s too late.

  • What to do when love calls (part 1 of 3)

    Spring is here, and at least in the fairy tales, it means love is in the air. The environment tells us that it’s spring with the addition of new growth, leaves beginning to return, and the weather changes. Animals are feeling that special kind of way toward their mates, and soon, they will produce new growth.

    There is no escaping that fact that spring is here, and love is in the air. But when love comes calling for you, what do you do?

    Well, that depends on what stage of life you are in and whether or not in the inside you have healed from life’s challenges or you’re still wounded.

    How do you know you’re broken? In therapy there is a concept called the wounded inner child. The wounded inner child gets bruised in bad relationships. Many of us live with pain from various sources. Spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. Simply to just love someone presents pain of some type.

    The reason is normally when we enter a relationship we tend to have expectations on the other individual, and we don’t always share it. They then respond in a way that we don’t like and the guilt we feel from putting the expectations on them in the first place gets the best of us. So because of that we are not honest about how we really feel. When we’re young is easy to let these things build up. We become professionals at hiding our true feelings. Unfortunately, after decades of this behavior, we become bitter — and then someone dies or the relationship finally runs its course.

    The person left in this scenario is broken, and for them to attempt to enter into another relationship prematurely does not allow the inner child to heal.

    Another fact is that the person who wants the new relationship always thinks they can help with this project. They cannot. Our egos allow us to believe that we are the best solution for whatever the problem is, and our loneliness is off to the side co-signing it.

    The best solution here is to wait. Wait to reflect. Wait to heal. Wait to see what God says. You should never rush into a relationship. That is never necessary. If the relationship is worth it, it can survive the wait.

  • Happiness is still two kinds of ice cream

    Are you happy??

    Well first let us define our terms because sometimes we confuse happiness with joy. Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness and it’s based on a response to a known stimulus. Jesus is Lord of us all. That is a fact to all who believe and as long Jesus maintains his current position as both Lord and Christ, we will remain full of joy despite our current circumstances.

    Happiness is similar. It is a feeling or showing of pleasure or contentment toward a situation or circumstance. Both joy and happiness begin in your brain.

    Not to get too technical but Endorphins are created in your pituitary gland and hypothalamus, both located in the brain. Endorphins are a type of neurotransmitter, or messenger in your body. They attach to your brain’s reward centers (opioid receptors) and carry signals across your nervous system which tells the rest of your body you’re happy. Imaging studies suggest that the happiness response originates partly in the limbic cortex. Another area called the precuneus also plays a role.

    Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin along with endorphins are the hormones that are responsible for our happiness. Dopamine is the main contributor as it is stimulated by compliments, good decisions and anything that makes you feel good.

    So a song or movie can change your mood or you can just decide to be happy or sad. You can choose to be angry or any of the emotions. Someone can commit an offense against you and instead of being angry, you can choose to be content. You don’t have to respond with anger — that’s just the first choice of your flesh when something happens but like a radio station in the car, you can choose another station when you don’t like the song.

    This process is a higher level of self-control which is possible to achieve. You would be teaching your body how to wait on you for the response instead of selecting the reaction for you. It takes practice but you can do it. One exercise I use to help me in this process is to practice the emotions often when there is no stimulus for them. I can be angry when I want to and I can be happy when I chose to as well and I can feel it in my body.

    The title of this blog simply means that happiness simply requires a cause to be. I keep a happy cause locked and loaded in my mind for when I need a different response to things — all facts, no fluff.

    Give it a try and see if we can make the world a happier place together!!!

  • Resolution over already???

    It is not uncommon to have ended your resolutions prematurely. Most who make resolutions fail to see them through. They were made with good intentions I’m sure but either poor planning, lack of desire, or it was too difficult, we start them and it doesn’t take long to snap back into last year’s habits.

    Don’t beat yourself up about it. In most cases it really just means you must take smaller steps. No one’s humanity enjoys cold turkey resolutions. You have to start somewhere so that needs to be something easier to handle.

    Many people are seeking to lose weight and for many it is because of health problems or to avoid future problems. You know you need to lose weight but do you really want to? All resolutions look good on paper, but in your heart of hearts is that really what you want?

    If you are 40 and you have been big all of your life, how long do you think it will take to get small? Definitely not likely in a year because the discipline is not there. And without professional help and support network — forget it!

    The bigger question is what do you do now? Do you try again? Do you select something easier? Do you even have to have a resolution??

    Someone planted a seed which said that if you are not moving forward then there is something wrong with you. We are all supposed to strive to be the be person we can be — who said we had to do that?

    Maybe your resolution should be all about making your own decisions. You should decide what happiness is for you. You should decided what type of lifestyle you want and live it! It is when we are trying to change for other people is where it becomes problematic.

    Love yourself enough to make small changes in your life to improve your well-being but don’t become obsessed. How you look, your job status and your bank account should not be our measuring sticks! Our character, integrity and servant hood should be the standard of person we become.

    Children are looking at us and they will take on our trials and tribulations. They need to be taught what is right as defined by you (I mean they are your kids). You control their level of involvement with social media and the greed of this society. You can choose to be different and raise children that will be productive citizen and not self-absorbed mini me’s that struggle each year with resolutions because they think they are not enough. Balance is key!

  • Defining self: Hello 2023

    We are now at the conclusion of 2022 and hopefully this has been a prosperous year for all. With all that has happened in this year, there was much to learn about life, love, liberty and our pursuit of happiness.

    We saw much corruption on display in our government. We saw a few billionaires fold. We saw what great lengths people would go through to deceive the masses and we saw many people die, including in Hollywood.

    We were also exposed to a real fact about people: With all the wonderful things that should come from the internet, we coveted cancel culture. People’s lives are being forever changed because of mistakes they make. We are allowing for one moment in time to define a lifetime of who we are.

    There are many examples of this but the most memorable is probably the slap heard around the world during the Oscars. Will Smith versus Chris Rock — the battle that shouldn’t have happened.

    Both aides of this coin were hurt, but Will’s hurt seems to be the gift that keeps on giving. From threats of violence to Smith and his family to derogatory things said about his wife, the former box office sensation is being defined and punished for his actions that night.

    Of course he’s not above the law and his broad appeal becomes dangerous because everyone has an opinion. And because of those ongoing opinions his livelihood will take a huge hit! And the work and life he lived before the incident no longer matters.

    The message here is simple: Never allow a single incident to make or break the life you have been living. The value you have aquired over the years does not change with one simple moment in time.

    Rumors about Jesus got him killed just a week after he came to town and was celebrated for the work he was doing. Don’t allow mankind’s opinion of you to be the main thing that defines you — whether you have made a huge mistake or found a cure for cancer. We are all human and there is nothing else we can be. So just be the best human you can and be thankful for another year! If you get to see 2023, it means you have more time to do good things or over come the bad.

  • What’s up with this 6th sense?

    Intuition is defined as the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning. There are many theories regarding this concept but no theory has validated the notion of a 6th sense.

    We are all aware of the term “woman’s intuition” and there are some people who are so in tune to their feelings that they actually can see an outcome before it happens or understand a scenario before it plays out. They can read a person’s intent and feel negative energy. In America this has always be ascribed to women because intuition is not a masculine trait, but men have this ability as well.

    The people who demonstrate this ability are very open to the idea in the first place. It’s like if you believe in UFO’s you are probably at some point in your life going to see one. The same for ghosts or angels — the belief leads to experience. A person’s innocence plays an important role. We tell our children not to talk to strangers and if someone makes them feel a certain way to let us know. What we are asking that child to do is use their intuition and of it warns you of danger, heed that warning.

    Children are innocent and generally have open minds. The intuition is pure and natural with them because they lack the life experience to challenge it. For example, an elderly woman sees a younger man come near her. Her intuition gives no warning of trouble but all of the news reports of crime and other dangers of life have enter in and she becomes afraid. Life experience definitely challenges intuition.

    For the ones who have successfully relied on their intuition, it can be an ever-present help in life. The more you belief, the stronger the vibe.

    Women are said to posses a superior intuition, an almost psychic — and somewhat frightening — knack for knowing what others are thinking and feeling. Experts say this intuition is based on an ability to read facial expressions and body language. So the question today is do you believe in a 6th sense and have you developed yours?

  • Vengeance doesn’t belong to us

    Humans are capable of great fits of rage. When anger is kindled there is a loss of level thinking, blood runs high and irrational behavior follows. Some of the dirtiest deeds in the world have come from human anger.

    Biblically we were told that vengeance did not belong to us. It was a property of the Almighty! The creator of the universe promised that he would repay. I wonder is that because he knew that we were not equipped to deal with anger?

    When a person gets anger the worst of that person can be seen. They feel the need to be vindictive by any means necessary. People who are more vengeful tend to be those who are motivated by power, by authority and by the desire for status. They basically don’t want to lose face. A person described as vindictive is usually someone who holds a grudge and who always tries to get back at people who they think have wronged them in some way.

    Vindictive people retaliate against others for any insult or perceived slight. Vindictive people do not let things go but rather must seek revenge to satisfy a burning sensation within to play God.

    Psychologically speaking, revenge is more of an emotional state that is triggered when one feels they have been attacked or wronged by another party. It runs on impulse and if not controlled it will destroy whole families and friends.

    The best way to handle your anger and prevent yourself from possible legal trouble is to examine the potential stressors in your life and decide if they are absolutely necessary. Look at the things that matter to you the most and see which areas you are most vulnerable. Some people are very sensitive about their personal life. If you are one of those people then you probably should not have pictures of your family displayed at work and double check your social media privacy settings to make sure you are in complete control over your content.

    Moreover, it would be wise to review your friendships and decide how much access to you they can have. Make sure that you separate your very close friends from mire acquaintances and have close friends who you can talk to when life gets stressful.

    Above all, work on your de-escalation skills and make sure you drink plenty of water and definitely get enough sleep. Regular exercise needs to be apart of your daily routine. Try your best to live peaceably with everyone.

  • Who really cares on social media?

    Social media has really done a thing on us. Because of how the system is set up and the fact that we use emojis, have “like” buttons and share random opinions, we somehow believe that people care.

    We make the mistake of sharing intimate information searching for acceptance and for the social media community to see things our way. We share our pain and sorrow, our fears and anxiety and we let the whole world know that we are hurting with the hope that atleast on person will give a damn! They don’t. No one does.

    We can use an emotional and divorce ourselves from it’s feelings in a New York minute. There are some who still get off on people saying happy birthday or anniversary while we forget that the system conveniently made that available — no one remembered.

    Is it possible to get an honest answer from someone on social media? Sure. As long as their identity can be hidden. We meet the core of our country on social media. To meet them just simply start a political or religious conversation and let the fun begin.

    What we need to do is first see social media for what it is: An unregulated, bias, greedy community designed to steal, kill and tear you down from the inside out. It robs you of your time, money and steals tou away from the things that matter the most in life. It is not a resource and it cares nothing about you. It needs to be seen as strictly entertainment for everybody at the expense of somebody.

    Enter in at your own risk, buy don’t bear your soul. Protect it and everything that matters to you and remember, social media is not the place for those who care. It’s simple an arena for taking advantage of people.

  • Finding YOUR spot in this world

    One of the most fulfilling things in life is to know your place. To know where you fit in life and actually be doing something that builds your self worth is something everyone would want but few actually achieve.

    Opportunity has been covered in red tape and there are so many hoops to jump through that many people give up on chasing their dreams. It is as if our government wanted to keep people from achievement. It seems as if the rich have a hold on making the real money and instead of skill and ingenuity creating opportunities, who you know makes all the difference.

    The decision needs to first be made as to the thing that matters most: To seek fame or fortune; to have influence and power; or to make life easier or better for others. Other decisions like whether or not to go to college, start in the military or learn a trade are key. A person can succeed doing either of the three.

    Then understanding what moves you and what makes you feel alive. I’ve always asked myself the question is it a job that I would do for free. Then finally you have to make it work. And on the way to completing this task you learn many things about who you are and what you are made of. You learn your passions and your fears. You learn how you respond in problem solving and the things that frustrated you the most.

    Above all else you have to master the learning curve to secure your space under the sun. There really is enough world for all of us. You just have to carve out your own slice! Happy cutting!

  • Being a friend

    There seems to be a shortage of true friends in this world. Social media can be down right evil sometimes. It gives everyone a reality show and truth be told, every thing that goes on in your life is not meant for prime time! You see, social media just wants the “show”. And they will use your life, identity, click bait and other avenues just to keep people watching so money can be made off the advertisements.

    This is where the true friend should come in. Your close friend is supposed to be a person who has proven that you can trust them, lean on them, be vulnerable with them and just be your entire self — good or bad– with them. The friend is the one who stops you from making stupid decisions that could lead to your demise. Your friend is supposed to be the eyes in the back of your head, the hell raiser when times get really bad and your defender when needed. Based on what we can see daily on just one social medium is enough to say we are failing at being true friends.

    When I see an embarrassing moment on social media I immediately think to myself, “Oh, if they just had a real friend.” I see women and men make completely idiots of themselves and become the entertainment for the world because they struggled to deal with some relationship issue. Someone treated them wrong, or made them look like a fool or both. These hurt people then go before the social media gods seeking approval, sympathy and support for their troubles. But all they become is a sideshow of comedy for people who could care less about the truth or the real story of what happened in your life.

    A friend is supposed to stop you from looking like an idiot. Social media is NOT your friend. So the next time you see some foolishness online that makes you shake your head or laugh out loud, think about the absence of that friend who could have prevented all the foolishness. If you are one of those people who believe telling all your business on social media is acceptable, please understand NOBODY CARES. I know you think you are telling it to a group of folks who carry the label of your “friends” but it really is just in name only. Even if you have the maximum of 5000 friends on your list, the lion’s share of them still don’t care.

    Don’t believe me? Go on Facebook and ask everyone on your friends list to send you $1 and see if the amount you receive matches your total number of friends. I promise you it won’t come close!