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The Psychology of Waiting

Heinz ketchup had this series of commercials back in the day that showed someone holding the bottle and their ketchup slowly coming out and the music would start playing and you would hear a group singing the word anticipation in a syncopated rhythm. It would be over a hamburger, hotdog or fries and I have to admit, it was very effective. You got the idea that this ketchup was thick and rich and definitely worth waiting for. It also said that you don’t eat this type of food without Heintz ketchup.

Life is full of waiting. It is said that the average person throughout their lifetime spends five years waiting in lines and queues where roughly six months of that is waiting at traffic lights. Yikes!! That’s a lot of waiting. But what would be harder to calculate is how much of the waiting was beneficial or a waste of time.

Is waiting 2 hours for a 7 minute rollercoaster ride worth it? Or how about waiting 24 hours to buy tickets to see your favorite musical group? Or what about 12 hours in the cold for a “Black Friday” deal?

There are some people right now waiting on a marriage proposal; waiting on someone in hospice to die; waiting on results from tests; waiting to hear back from a job interview; or waiting for military personnel to come home.

Probably the greatest wait of our lives would be the times where we find ourselves between a tragedy and a triumph. All you can do is wait. And in that time period where the news reports that the earthquake, hurricane or open shooter is in the direct area of your loved one and you are trying to find out how bad this outcome is for your family. Will we be planning a funeral soon or did I have nothing to worry about. But all you can do is wait. So the logical question is what do we do during the space between a tragedy and a triumph?

Some pray but is God really intervening in issues like this? How do we know? What if this tragedy is the time your loved one was supposed to die? Do we believe God is extending time for some folks? Or others meditate which does nothing for the person in the storm but helps with the waiting. Others worry themselves sick only to find out there was nothing to worry about. Still others become so angry because waiting gives us a cold slap in the face to remind us that we are NOT in control. Waiting helps to develop patience, trust and character. And there are those times when waiting just flat out sucks!

So when you are waiting, spend more time seeing what lessons are in the act of waiting that address your issues. Are you a control freak? Well this may be your lesson in patience. Are you selfish or self serving? Waiting is your way of giving back. Or do you go 100 miles an hour all day for others to the point where you are not taking care of yourself? This may be your time to slow it down and see what you have missed. Whatever the case, waiting is one of life’s favorite venues to teach. Don’t miss your lesson. Embrace the wait!

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Everyone needs a good purge

The movie series called The Purge was basically about organizing what is naturally happening in America anyway and that is hurt people are hurting people.

Our laws are not a deterrent for crimes and the threat of prison never stopped anyone — just ask the million of folks incarcerated in the U.S.

So does it matter whether it naturally happens or whether it is orchestrated by the government? The movie has the government organizing it and selecting a day that allows crimes to go unpunished. I am not advocating that.

But what I am saying is there is nothing wrong with the concept of purging. If we viewed are individual selves as systems, then all I’m saying is that it matters who you allow in your system. If someone or something is bad for the system then it has to be purged.

Preachers advocate for Christians to purge anyone detrimental to your spiritual growth. Doctors advocate for patients to purge foods that are not healthy for their bodies. Therapists recommend their clients to purge people who mentally and emotionally are unstable and who bring that instability to their system.

You can eat something that is so disagreeable to your system that your stomach will purge it out so this is the natural order of things– right?

So let me be clear: For the sake of your holistic well-being you must purge on ever level of you life every single year!

There are people, places, things and ideas that have proven to be toxic for you. Why have you not purged? How will you ever heal if the catalyst for your pain and sorrow continues to exist in your life?

The best made plans of 2018 have been ruined by those who would rather destroy your life instead of improve theirs. The upkeep of your system is mandatory! The players you allow into your system are optional. Some things need to be dropped like a bad habit. Start making your list, planning your exit strategy and sharpening the shears! Dead weight needs to be cut away so that you can start to soar!

Happy purging!!!

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So let’s really have the talk about self esteem

Self esteem is defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. You would think that everyone would have confidence in their own abilities, but clearly we do not. And to make matters worse, we pass low self esteem on to the next generation.

Self esteem starts at home. Mommy and daddy nurture baby and gives him or her confidence in just being baby. Then little tasks are put in baby’s way so that esteem can be develop from successful completion of said tasks. This is repeated for the next 18 years and baby has fully grown up into a well balanced young man or young woman and ready to take on the world’s challenges.

In a perfect world.

However, in the world we live in, baby would need years of counseling to deal with what didn’t happen at home and what did happen at school. He or she would have to figure out that they have some value beyond any abuse they suffered and by the time they reach 18, they are normally too discouraged to continue to battle or fool with esteem.

So these young people will start processing their self esteem through relationships, jobs or possessions. They will use these things to hide the wounded inner child that is afraid to come out.

Sadly, all interactions become conditional and they can’t find a true friend. Facebook becomes their best friend and they start to tell all of their private business on social media platforms and then wonder why people avoid them.

Low self esteem doesn’t allow you to see that you have put yourself on the butt end of a fake reality show that you launched on social media. You look really bad and you can’t see it. You date losers or others who need fixing. You constantly help and show love to others but get nothing in return.

Every adult relationship has been jacked up and actually believe you were in love before. Who is going to fix this nightmare? Who is going to make your situation better?

Start with the one in the mirror and get them counseling fast!

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An undercurrent of lies

Is it possible that our country has been lied to for so long that it is now expected?

One study suggests that we are lied to between 10 and 200 times every day and one and five interactions will be a lie.

Selfishness helps magnify the effects of lying. You see, no one really cares about a lie until it goes against or harms them. Lies have been accepted in our society so much that we no longer covet truth. A version of the truth is no more truth than a hot dog manufacturer claiming to produce 100 percent beef hotdogs because the nostrils, genitals and other gross parts are from a cow.

Sadly, deception is a learned behavior. We lie to spare feelings, we lie to make ourselves look better, we lie to avoid more conflict, we lie for self preservation and we even lie without cause. Relationships are based on lies. Resumes are full of lies. Our government and politics are full of lies. Every single person lies.

So if everyone lies, what’s the big deal? Great question! The issues is not a lie or two. The issue really is how much lying is actually going on, because a single lie can be told multiple times within an organization, until it (the lie) becomes the new truth. Marketing and advertising have preyed on our emotions and made claims of what products can do just to make a buck. Every war or world conflict we have been a part of has a lie or lies at its roots. American history, as told by us, is a big lie. Insurance companies constantly lie (like other agencies) by not telling the whole truth. Religion is full of lies from the first lie told in the garden of Eden to the prosperity preaching pulpit that claims you will be prosperous by departing with your funds.

We can not stop lies, but we can control the amount of carriers in our lives. If most of your friends regularly lie to you, are they still your friends? Only you can answer that question.

How often do you lie? And is there any correlation to how much you lie and the amount of lies that come back to you?

Lies have stolen our integrity, corroded our character and destroyed our loyalties. It is the second most destructive behavior behind our greatest level of vanity. But the greatest thing a lie is — is that it’s a choice.

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Commitment vs. Habit and the quality of your life

There are certain things in life that require a commitment and there are others that can be done by habit and you never want to confuse the two.

Could you imagine your marriage being a habit — as in she has a habit of acting like a wife or he has a habit of acting like he loves her?

Habit does not belong in certain places and marriage is one of those. It also doesn’t belong in parenting or church.

God doesn’t want you to have a habit of going to church although many are going because of habit. This means that their regular routine has developed without passion, understanding and truth.

It just means that it became a consistency of behavior that resulted in one going to a particular place and taking up a particular space for a particular time and you just got used to that.

Webster defines habit as a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior. It’s associated with addiction and is a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance.

Simply put, you keep doing the same thing over again until it flies under your cognitive radar. You don’t think about doing it, you just do it.

Now this is great news if we are talking about going to the gym, drinking enough water, calling ahead when you are going to be late and walking your dog. It is horrible for the more meaningful things of life.

Commitment, on the other hand, is much more meaningful, calculated and cognitively processed. You are fully aware of a commitment and you are fully engaged in the process.

Webster says of commitment: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future or an engagement to assume a financial obligation in the future.

Commitment is the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled.

This is a far cry from an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.

So imagine building a relationship with God out of habit. Often times a habit doesn’t require much thought so you can see how that becomes counterproductive in prayer, trusting God or getting help from him. You cannot have a productive relationship with God by habit. Habit will only get you to a church building but it won’t change your life.

As you look over your life, have you put commitment and habit in the right places? You commit to relationships and you develop healthy habits that benefit your mind, body and soul. Anything that is a matter of life or death, whether that is spiritual life or physical life has to be a commitment.

Correct application of these two principles is the difference between a healthy productive life and just existing.

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New Study Finds That Weight Discrimination In The Workplace Is Just As Horrible And Depressing As Ever

This story fascinates me because being a 433lbs obese man in the past (and by the Western culture chart today at 6’3 265lbs I still am), I often suspected that I was not offered positions because of my size.

I have been in situations where I was more than qualified for the job and was told they were going with “other candidates that better match their qualifications”. I was betwixt because I didn’t know if it was because of my size or color.

This article rightly points out that the ones with this bias are not conscious of it. It is like a gut feeling inside of them that they trust. The feeling comes from how they were taught as children and the culture in which they grew up.

So in their minds they think that they have escaped a bad situation by following this gut feeling and if you confronted them about it, they would be highly offended by the accusation.

Michigan is the only state that currently prohibits this kind of discrimination. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) gets flooded with complaints of this nature mostly by women.

I posted this article more for awareness and to give some solutions of how to handle it. It also makes for good discussion so comment away. I would love to hear your experiences in this area.

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I am a creator!


When God created man in his image it was not that we would physically look like God but that you could see God’s ways in us.

Ideally, someone who doesn’t really know God could have a relationship with a child of God and just based on behavior they could learn about our father in Heaven.

So I want to remind us of something that we may not often consider, and that is our ability to create.

God can speak things into existence and so can we. He can change the course of someone’s life, and so can we. God can teardown or build up people, places and things, and so can we.

As a creator, have you considered the things you have created lately? Have you used this ability for good or evil? When you take inventory of the relationships you have and looking in the past, would the outcomes say you are a builder or a destroyer?

Let’s start with the children, what are our kids learning from us? They should be learning how to create from us. Are they learning to use love, compassion, humility and grace to build? Or are they using hatred, arrogance and revenge to wreak havoc on the world?

The relationships built in the workplace, do they honor God and have you proven to be a master builder or have you not been consistent in careers because of — stuff?

And what of your personal life? Has the measure of love you have sent into the universe been returned to you? Has your compassion changed anyone’s life? All of these questions are to get you to think about your actions as a creator and tweak some things before the day of reckoning.

There will be a day of reckoning and I’m not talking about Judgement Day.

This will be a day disassociated from anything going on in your life currently. You ever wondered why some things happen? I mean everything can be wonderful in your current space and then like a thief in the night, calamity happens. You think it’s coincidental?

Be the creator you are called to be. Walk in your truth and empower others. This is your true purpose.