ClydeStyle

Tag: chances

  • Reparations solution: Itemize

    There has been much discussion over the last few years regarding reparations, and as more people begin to understand the necessity of giving reparations, how to administer it will be the next conversation.

    What I have learned over the years is that nobody believes Blacks have been treated fairly, but nobody takes responsibility for the infractions. We have definitely turned a blind eye on the injustices and disparities created in our society.

    Also, people are still debating about slavery being the main reason for reparations, but I don’t believe anyone should be getting reparations for slavery. The reason is because there are at least 10 other reasons to do it.

    I won’t take the time to go through all of them, but we’ll look at a few just for kicks and grins!

    First, the Federal Housing Administration (FDA) was supposed to help all Americans get loans for housing. They had many payouts over the years but didn’t make their first payment to a minority until 1971 – that’s a 41-year problem because the FHA was established in 1930.

    Second, the police all across America have been predatory to Black males. This is easily proven by the unfair number of tickets, arrests, and conviction rates compared to other groups.

    Third, the real estate market has done an outstanding job limiting where minorities can move and making them live it areas where the property value is horrible. Moreover, they were extremely unfair in granting loans. They were biased when it came to loans, interest rates, amount of loans, credit criteria, and length of loans.

    Fourth, you would think that a person with the same experience, same education, and same ambition would get the same pay. Well, in America, white men have always gotten at least 38 percent more than anyone else for the same job with the same specs. This still happens today.

    Five, there have been laws created to expressly suppress, oppress, and stiffle the financial and educational wealth of minorities in this country.

    So, if we were to simply get the math wizards to calculate the damage of just these 5 things, we would get an idea of the true offense. It’s not a matter of just writing a check, either. You can not make up time and development, and something has to happen to ensure we never go backward.

    We have spent more than 75 billion dollars helping Ukraine in their fight with Russia. What about the fight we have here at home?

  • What to do when love calls (part 2 of 3)

    The only thing better than an old relationship is a new relationship, and spring is the time to get it on! (Cue the music)

    We made it through the big holidays, and New Year’s Day is an after thought. Valentine’s Day caught us in our feelings, and we knew it was time for a new love. But the person we met shows a bit of hesitation. They are not as responsive as they were when we first met. Calls are not being returned at the frequency we would like, and it seems that they could go a whole 48 hours without talking.

    Our egos caution us to tread lightly, but we don’t listen. We start to assume that there may be so.e mental health challenges with this person after all, how could they not jump on this relationship opportunity?

    At this point, we really should back off and allow the relationship to advance itself organically. That means that if it is supposed to happen, it will without any coaching for either party. We have to leave room for there to be a problem that actually has nothing to do with us.

    Everybody has a past. Good, bad, and ugly. There are things that have happened in previous relationships that we need to heal from and get over. Imagine meeting someone whose previous relationship was with a controlling narcissist. They will have been bullied, controlled, lied on, made to feel unimportant and gaslighted.

    As a result, anything you attempt to do by way of being overbearing will be a trigger. They will be very sensitive to this feeling and will retreat at the first sign. Also, God made us all unique, so what worked in the previous relationship won’t necessarily work in the new one. Another mistake is to try and be intimate with someone too song. This can be a direct turnoff, especially if sex was an issue in the previous relationship.

    The best advice for starting a new relationship is to allow the natural development of the new relationship. That means that the nature of the relationship will dictate its type. You may want it to turn into your next spouse, and all the person is looking for is a friend. You may desire a friend with benefits, but the person wants a soul mate. We need to be diligent and kind to each other. We cannot control how another person feels — to do such is juvenile.

  • Defining self: Hello 2023

    We are now at the conclusion of 2022 and hopefully this has been a prosperous year for all. With all that has happened in this year, there was much to learn about life, love, liberty and our pursuit of happiness.

    We saw much corruption on display in our government. We saw a few billionaires fold. We saw what great lengths people would go through to deceive the masses and we saw many people die, including in Hollywood.

    We were also exposed to a real fact about people: With all the wonderful things that should come from the internet, we coveted cancel culture. People’s lives are being forever changed because of mistakes they make. We are allowing for one moment in time to define a lifetime of who we are.

    There are many examples of this but the most memorable is probably the slap heard around the world during the Oscars. Will Smith versus Chris Rock — the battle that shouldn’t have happened.

    Both aides of this coin were hurt, but Will’s hurt seems to be the gift that keeps on giving. From threats of violence to Smith and his family to derogatory things said about his wife, the former box office sensation is being defined and punished for his actions that night.

    Of course he’s not above the law and his broad appeal becomes dangerous because everyone has an opinion. And because of those ongoing opinions his livelihood will take a huge hit! And the work and life he lived before the incident no longer matters.

    The message here is simple: Never allow a single incident to make or break the life you have been living. The value you have aquired over the years does not change with one simple moment in time.

    Rumors about Jesus got him killed just a week after he came to town and was celebrated for the work he was doing. Don’t allow mankind’s opinion of you to be the main thing that defines you — whether you have made a huge mistake or found a cure for cancer. We are all human and there is nothing else we can be. So just be the best human you can and be thankful for another year! If you get to see 2023, it means you have more time to do good things or over come the bad.

  • No rest for the guilty

    Guilt is the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime. The feelings surrounding this fact are what bothers us the most. It’s not just the uneasy feeling but there is a definite sense of darkness that seems to follow you when you’re guilty.

    It’s always been hard to accept when we are wrong. No one enjoys it. It proves that we missed something or that we are not as smart as we thought we were. It places doubt on the future and makes you hesitant to go forward.

    Some of us get so down that we feel we ought to be punished. We even go to great lengths to ensure our punishment. One of the hardest things in life is to forgive self.

    I used to manage hospices and I recall on several occasions where I had to convince a patient not to attempt to punish themselves. There were folks who were dying of cancer and upon understanding that they were terminal and were gonna die, they wanted to refuse pain medication in an attempt to punish themselves for past sins.

    Guilt is the reality that we are human. It proves we’re not perfect and gives us an opportunity to mature. Guilt provides another chance to make good on life and react to the learning curve. We should embrace our guilt and learn from it. Guilt should not be in control but should serve as a guide or teacher to it’s participants.

    Allow guilt to do it’s job and be thankful. If you are able to realize your wrongdoing you are already much better off.

  • Let’s make freedom for all … for once

    This Independence Day I thought we could quickly discuss one of the longest living forms of abuse — corporal punishment! Whenever this subject comes up some one quickly says, “Well, I was spanked when I was growing up and I turned out fine.” So the premise is that spankings did no damage to the receiver back in the day so it’s fine for today. Or it means that because of spankings we now have many fine citizens who had loving parents that carried out their Christian duty of “not sparing the rod as to not spoil the child.”

    Many believe that the bible teaches the benefits of spanking kids. Does it? More on that in a moment. The earliest I could research the use of corporal punishment came around 1800 B.C. during Babylonian captivity. The Babylons utilized the death penalty for violation of 25 particular laws.

    Of course we know that this was a learned behavior from England that followed immigrants here during revolutionary times. Slaves were beaten for violating the slave code. This became the dominant understanding and use of corporal punishment. It was used in schools and homes throughout America.

    According to a study conducted by the Harvard School of Education, spanking is not an effective way to discipline a child whether be it at home or at school. The worse part of spankings physically and mentally was when it was done to embarrass, out of anger, out of frustration or to intimate a child. Were you spanked for any of these reasons?

    Further, the bible does not teach us to abuse our children by spanking them. Proverbs 13:24 has been taken completely out of context and interpreted by western standards. The rod in the text is equal to the rod of a shepherd who would use it to teach and guide the sheep with it, not ever to be used as a weapon. This is why Psalms 23 says, “thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

    In addition, for me knowing that spankings were associated with slavery was enough for me not to introduce it to my children. Moreover, I was definitely more important for my kids to love me than fear me. I could come up with far more practical means of consistently convening my point to me children without subjecting them to a violent attack from the one who is responsible for protecting the home.

    So, it’s Independence Day and we are celebrating freedom. Let’s give our kids the freedom to be loved, guided and encouraged instead of adding violence to our dysfunction and giving them a license to carry this barbaric behavior to our future generations.

  • The wonder of second chances

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    I loved every Rocky movie. The dialog, the training, the fights — I was always inspired even if at times the movie got a little corny.

    Something about the underdog touches my heart. Rocky was about taking the hits and continuing to move forward. What a great lesson. But it seems there are too many people who have not learned this lesson. We go through life blaming other people and wishing for things we don’t have.

    We’ll say things like, “I wish I had this”; “I wish I had done that”; or “if that didn’t happen I could have done such and such!” People are slow to recognize and seize the second chance. A second chance is an opportunity or a pause during the hits of life. It’s the time you get to regroup and go at it again. It is true that the things that don’t kill us, make us strong. There is a moment in every battle that is lost where you have a chance to go again. Second chances are all about believing a bigger picture and refocusing. It’s about digging deeper in places in your heart you didn’t know existed and then exploding out of the gate for another round.

    With each failure comes a second chance. Some of us use the period of second chance for rehashing failures. We are stuck and can’t get over the loss. If you believe you are a winner, then no matter what the odds or failures, you will rise to fight again. If you question whether you’re a winner or not; if you are unsure of your abilities; or you are waiting to hear if someone else believes in you, then you are destined for failure. And this my friends is actually a choice. You are what you believe. Don’t let anyone change your positive outlook.

    Step into the hits and keep moving forward. The war is yours to win and you need not worry about a few lost battles. Take the second chance!

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