ClydeStyle

Tag: Happiness

  • What to do when love calls (part 1 of 3)

    Spring is here, and at least in the fairy tales, it means love is in the air. The environment tells us that it’s spring with the addition of new growth, leaves beginning to return, and the weather changes. Animals are feeling that special kind of way toward their mates, and soon, they will produce new growth.

    There is no escaping that fact that spring is here, and love is in the air. But when love comes calling for you, what do you do?

    Well, that depends on what stage of life you are in and whether or not in the inside you have healed from life’s challenges or you’re still wounded.

    How do you know you’re broken? In therapy there is a concept called the wounded inner child. The wounded inner child gets bruised in bad relationships. Many of us live with pain from various sources. Spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. Simply to just love someone presents pain of some type.

    The reason is normally when we enter a relationship we tend to have expectations on the other individual, and we don’t always share it. They then respond in a way that we don’t like and the guilt we feel from putting the expectations on them in the first place gets the best of us. So because of that we are not honest about how we really feel. When we’re young is easy to let these things build up. We become professionals at hiding our true feelings. Unfortunately, after decades of this behavior, we become bitter — and then someone dies or the relationship finally runs its course.

    The person left in this scenario is broken, and for them to attempt to enter into another relationship prematurely does not allow the inner child to heal.

    Another fact is that the person who wants the new relationship always thinks they can help with this project. They cannot. Our egos allow us to believe that we are the best solution for whatever the problem is, and our loneliness is off to the side co-signing it.

    The best solution here is to wait. Wait to reflect. Wait to heal. Wait to see what God says. You should never rush into a relationship. That is never necessary. If the relationship is worth it, it can survive the wait.

  • Happiness is still two kinds of ice cream

    Are you happy??

    Well first let us define our terms because sometimes we confuse happiness with joy. Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness and it’s based on a response to a known stimulus. Jesus is Lord of us all. That is a fact to all who believe and as long Jesus maintains his current position as both Lord and Christ, we will remain full of joy despite our current circumstances.

    Happiness is similar. It is a feeling or showing of pleasure or contentment toward a situation or circumstance. Both joy and happiness begin in your brain.

    Not to get too technical but Endorphins are created in your pituitary gland and hypothalamus, both located in the brain. Endorphins are a type of neurotransmitter, or messenger in your body. They attach to your brain’s reward centers (opioid receptors) and carry signals across your nervous system which tells the rest of your body you’re happy. Imaging studies suggest that the happiness response originates partly in the limbic cortex. Another area called the precuneus also plays a role.

    Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin along with endorphins are the hormones that are responsible for our happiness. Dopamine is the main contributor as it is stimulated by compliments, good decisions and anything that makes you feel good.

    So a song or movie can change your mood or you can just decide to be happy or sad. You can choose to be angry or any of the emotions. Someone can commit an offense against you and instead of being angry, you can choose to be content. You don’t have to respond with anger — that’s just the first choice of your flesh when something happens but like a radio station in the car, you can choose another station when you don’t like the song.

    This process is a higher level of self-control which is possible to achieve. You would be teaching your body how to wait on you for the response instead of selecting the reaction for you. It takes practice but you can do it. One exercise I use to help me in this process is to practice the emotions often when there is no stimulus for them. I can be angry when I want to and I can be happy when I chose to as well and I can feel it in my body.

    The title of this blog simply means that happiness simply requires a cause to be. I keep a happy cause locked and loaded in my mind for when I need a different response to things — all facts, no fluff.

    Give it a try and see if we can make the world a happier place together!!!

  • A week of Thanksgiving…

    We have now entered into the busiest times of the year and as October made us scary, November promises that our cups will overflow! December will be the gift that keeps on giving and we can start all over on New Year’s Day.

    I thought it makes sense to take at least one month of the year to celebrate what and who you are thankful for. It seems we complain the entire year mostly about things we can’t control or things that make no sense to us or the direction the country is headed or the healthcare scares. With all that negativity we need to focus on some positives.

    So literally I would like to encourage you to do this exercise with people close to you via text or in-person. Share with a special friend or group what you are most thankful for. It will be interesting to she what things matter most to you and your friends. And with all that positive energy going around, this could be the start of something big. So since this Thursday is Thanksgiving it would a decent conversation to add to the list of subjects you deal with during your big feast!

    So here is my list! Enjoy!

    Family, church, work, friends, God given ability, good health, my doctors, my readers, old TV shows, sports, Honey Combs cereal, eggs, Stacy Adams, innovation, opportunity, freedom, Iced coffee, fresh fruits and vegetables and Samsung.

  • Happy appreciation day!

    Only part of the United States participates in this annual ritual known as Sweetest Day and I have been doing it wrong. Whereas Valentines Day is to celebrate romantic love, Sweetest Day is to appreciate all the folks in your life for who they are. Male or female doesn’t matter — it’s just a day of appreciation.

    Granted Hallmark gets excited when in comes around probably more than anyone else but in these tough times it’s good to take a day and evaluate relationships and appreciate them.

    I was reading an article about a woman who dropped her boyfriend off at Kroger and she stayed in the car. While she waited on him she took the opportunity to go through his phone only to discover he may have been having an inappropriate relationship with her sister.

    She was so enraged that she waited for him to come out of the store and she ran him over with the van — seriously injuring him and killing an innocent person walking out behind him. She then, stops the van, gets out and begins to attack her boyfriend while he is lying on the ground wounded.

    It appears as though she snapped and could not bear the information she discovered while invading his privacy. It is unclear if the sister was a minor or not but whatever she found, she was in that moment willing to give up or greatly alter her own life because of it. She, of course, is now facing a ton of charges and if convicted she will get life in prison.

    There are so many things wrong with this scenario. It is for this reason why we need to really evaluate the relationships we have to see if they are for better or for worse. To truly celebrate Sweetest Day we should first purge the toxic relationships and covet the really good ones. So here’s to all of you who are making this life better for others! The world would be nothing without you!

  • Finding YOUR spot in this world

    One of the most fulfilling things in life is to know your place. To know where you fit in life and actually be doing something that builds your self worth is something everyone would want but few actually achieve.

    Opportunity has been covered in red tape and there are so many hoops to jump through that many people give up on chasing their dreams. It is as if our government wanted to keep people from achievement. It seems as if the rich have a hold on making the real money and instead of skill and ingenuity creating opportunities, who you know makes all the difference.

    The decision needs to first be made as to the thing that matters most: To seek fame or fortune; to have influence and power; or to make life easier or better for others. Other decisions like whether or not to go to college, start in the military or learn a trade are key. A person can succeed doing either of the three.

    Then understanding what moves you and what makes you feel alive. I’ve always asked myself the question is it a job that I would do for free. Then finally you have to make it work. And on the way to completing this task you learn many things about who you are and what you are made of. You learn your passions and your fears. You learn how you respond in problem solving and the things that frustrated you the most.

    Above all else you have to master the learning curve to secure your space under the sun. There really is enough world for all of us. You just have to carve out your own slice! Happy cutting!

  • Way too many hats

    The problem with Christianity today is that the Christian understanding of religion is played out in hats. What I mean is we process Christian traits like wearing a hat. So there is a hate for love, a hat for forgiveness, a hat for service, a blessed hat, a joyful hat and even a praise hat and depending on our mood we regularly switch hats.

    Unfortunately there are other hats. Hats of hatred, racism, anger, gossiping, back biting and lustful. We switch these hats on and off as well. The problem lies in the fact that we never lose the evil hats in this concept. Because when the wind blows there is of telling which hat we will wear.

    Further, in a moments notice someone can do something negative to me and my hat willing change instantly. For example, I could be wearing my happy hat, and then someone could start a political argument with me and the anger hat is summoned. I then willfully chose to put on the anger hat. You see I had a chance to keep on my happy hat, but my flesh rose up against me and anger seemed like the best hat.

    So for me to be better, I have to get rid of the hat system. It needs to be replaced with something better because it gives me too many negative choice. What I recommend is a tattoo system — yes, tattoo system. With the tattoo system I can have the fruit of the Spirit tattooed on me for choices and I can leave the works of the flesh alone. I don’t even need them as options.

    So what would it be like if we could only use what was tattooed on me? It means that when the flesh told me to become angry (and that isn’t an option), I would choice from my option menu and pick love. When offered the gossip option, I would choose to serve. This way my only options would be godly and I would no longer see the other negative things available.

    My friends, this is a choice you can make. Stop falling for the hat trick and get you some tattoos in Jesus name!

  • The big Break up

    The Stylistics made the song “Break up to make up” famous! Saying, “First you love me, then you hate me, that’s a game for fools.” Probably the worst thing about breaking up is that in the beginning it leaves you so empty. There is a brand new void that needs to be filled. Some embrace the void as pain that quickly leads to depression. Others look to fill the void immediately often dragging someone new into the picture which isn’t fair to the newcomer.

    What makes relationships so hard is that we all have somewhat of a hidden complex about ourselves. Things like personal quirks that we feel we can’t be honest about. We have feelings we can’t share for fear of being judged. We don’t want anyone to know we’re insecure. Then there are people that are so afraid of being hurt again that they can’t be transparent in a new relationship. There are so many dynamics, but with most of them good communication and honesty fixes most of them.

    Assumptions are another great relationship killer. And mind you these things hurt over time. The first 40 assumptions aren’t enough to kill a relationship. It’s the next 200 of them that does it. Then you start factoring in all the wasted time. All your fears about breaking up come to light and that space you don’t enjoy — the emptiness is surrounding you again.

    Well, if you have ended a relationship recently let’s try to pick up the pieces. First, if you think it’s all your fault — it is! Not ALL because it takes 2 people for a relationship. You definitely need to own a percentage of the break up. But who’s fault it is doesn’t matter now because it’s over … right???

    What matters now is that we learn from what happened and own our dysfunction. Some people enter a relationship still broken from a previous one. You can not give yourself wholly to a person when you are broken. You must heal first. Some people just don’t like to be alone. They jump around from person to person when they really need to get a dog — or some other pet and heal.

    There are also areas that need improvement. All improvements must be made for only one reason — because you want to make them for yourself. If you were informed in a previous relationship that you were selfish, you have to decide if you believe that to be true. Any changes you make has to be because you want it. If not, it will not be genuine.

    Slowing the dating process waaaaaay down is also a must as you must give things time to develop. When you meet a new person you are instantly in discovery mode. Give it time. Before you start making new commitments you must heal from the past and know what characteristics you like before you meet someone and don’t compromise them.

    If you are really looking for a long- term committed relationship, you need to seek spiritual guidance for this is the highest point of mankind’s intellect. Glorify God in every aspect of the relationship and if it ends, you will land on your feet! Now, make sure you take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally in order to recover from the break up. Give it time. You will get better!

  • A network of togetherness

    There is something to be said for being together. Our closeness or unity or connection to another person or group of folks quenches the thirsty we have for belonging. As humans we need to be a part of something — good or bad we need to belong. We yearn for inclusion and to be entangled with other people.

    Togetherness is defined as a state or feeling of closeness and happiness among people who are together as friends, family members, etc. Some have several groups they associate with. In these groups you should find all you need to balance your life such as encouragement, support, wisdom, intimacy, family, networking and entertainment.

    Togetherness is so important that we should have a societal rule that everyone must be a part of a crew. You choose your own crew but your Togetherness will also be charged for trouble you get in. That alone would make us choose our friends more closely and truly be our brothers keeper!

    Togetherness greatly helps with mental health issues and it single handedly lowers suicide rates. In fact, overall crime goes down in areas where people cluster together in unity. Many foreigners to this country take their togetherness to a foreign land and excel! They live in close quarters together for a time to save money and get ahead. So two families may move together and live together here. All able-bodied individuals work and the money made is shared with the cluster. Each family helps the other get ahead and they slowly bring in more families as others advance.

    This just proves that we are better together. We were created to be a part of a pair that would have the ability to increase it’s nunber and the. They would all work together and look out for each other. We also call this a family!

    I remember the crew I had in junior high, high school and college. Then I had a different group of professionals when I entered the workforce. As far back as I can recall, I have never existed without a crew. And all of my groups were successful. How about you my friends? Do you have a crew? Do you support your crew? Is your group successful? Can you rely on them? These are very important questions if you plan to get by with a little help from your friends!

  • Can your friends pass the rain test?

    Rochester, New York carries the distinction of consistently having the most rainy days in America. At 167 days on average, the good folks who live there have to keep an umbrella handy. And if we can us rain as a metaphor for trouble then to live a life with almost half of the days of the year being full of trouble wouldn’t make for a good life.

    With that much trouble you can’t help but blame yourself for your troubles. There are people sitting in prison right now angry over decisions that went wrong. Some trouble is expected in life but not that much. On the contrary, what would it take to have a life almost void of trouble? The sun shines in Arizona 85 percent of the time. You would think it would be called the sunshine state. So the sun and the rain symbolize the good and the bad and my point here is to analyze what separates the two.

    We know that decisions play a huge role but I believe the one holding your umbrella shares in the copability. I guess because of the way I feel about connectiveness and relationships it seems that if I’m holding your umbrella that I’m going to make sure you don’t get wet. Now every one doesn’t have the ability or desire to take responsibility for another person’s actions. I just believe that if we are truly partners then whatever is in me to do for you, I will do it. This is actually a biblical principle as the bible says that God shall supply all our needs according to his riches in glory (Phil. 4:19). Said another way it means that God will be using all of his resources to ensure we thrive. Is it possible to be that friendly with someone?

    The point is this: Our arsenal of friends should include soldiers who are dedicated to your success and well being. Likewise, you should be the flipside of that for your team. Make sure the folks in your circle really belong.

  • Where do you place your happiness?

    image

    Some people are living out their lives miserable! There is no better way to say it. It seems that some people haven’t learned the lesson in this week’s blog. I will encourage you to share.

    No matter how hard we try, whenever happiness rests in a person, place or thing, we suffer a letdown. You see, no matter who you are or where you are from, we all have this in common: We place expectations. We place them in people (like a spouse, children or a best friend); we place them in things (savings, cars, or a job); we place them in places (churches, our jobs, or our homes). We become obsessed with where, what or in whom we place our expectations and we become vulnerable.

    Have you ever seen a person get upset when their expectations were not met?

    Expectations are created in the heart. In fact, they tie directly to the heart which is why it hurts so badly when the expectations are not met. Expectations are trouble because, since they are tied to the heart, we don’t want to let people know they’re there. This is for fear of rejection. Then, when those expectations are not met, we act like there’s been a crime. Our hearts are fragile. We need to focus our expectations on something more assured. Those expectations need to be placed where they won’t get out of hand. They need to be placed where no one will get hurt.

    Albert Einstein said to place your expectations on goals and not tie it into people or things. What makes this quote brilliant is that when you place expectations in goals, you trick your heart. It makes it difficult for a person to be mad at themselves. Your goals = your expectations. If they are not met, guess who is to blame?

    I believe the key to success rests in our ability to accept life’s challenges and meet those expectations. We are exactly what we planned to be. Anyone successful planned it. And even those who are perceived as failures got exactly what they planned.

    So the point is this: The law of the harvest as outlined in God’s word is that you reap what you sow. Sow unto those things that are profitable for man and allow God to work with you. Allow His goodness and mercy to shine through you. Allow your drive to run free in your creativity and see how good life really can be.