ClydeStyle

Tag: self-esteem

  • Resolution over already???

    It is not uncommon to have ended your resolutions prematurely. Most who make resolutions fail to see them through. They were made with good intentions I’m sure but either poor planning, lack of desire, or it was too difficult, we start them and it doesn’t take long to snap back into last year’s habits.

    Don’t beat yourself up about it. In most cases it really just means you must take smaller steps. No one’s humanity enjoys cold turkey resolutions. You have to start somewhere so that needs to be something easier to handle.

    Many people are seeking to lose weight and for many it is because of health problems or to avoid future problems. You know you need to lose weight but do you really want to? All resolutions look good on paper, but in your heart of hearts is that really what you want?

    If you are 40 and you have been big all of your life, how long do you think it will take to get small? Definitely not likely in a year because the discipline is not there. And without professional help and support network — forget it!

    The bigger question is what do you do now? Do you try again? Do you select something easier? Do you even have to have a resolution??

    Someone planted a seed which said that if you are not moving forward then there is something wrong with you. We are all supposed to strive to be the be person we can be — who said we had to do that?

    Maybe your resolution should be all about making your own decisions. You should decide what happiness is for you. You should decided what type of lifestyle you want and live it! It is when we are trying to change for other people is where it becomes problematic.

    Love yourself enough to make small changes in your life to improve your well-being but don’t become obsessed. How you look, your job status and your bank account should not be our measuring sticks! Our character, integrity and servant hood should be the standard of person we become.

    Children are looking at us and they will take on our trials and tribulations. They need to be taught what is right as defined by you (I mean they are your kids). You control their level of involvement with social media and the greed of this society. You can choose to be different and raise children that will be productive citizen and not self-absorbed mini me’s that struggle each year with resolutions because they think they are not enough. Balance is key!

  • Being a friend

    There seems to be a shortage of true friends in this world. Social media can be down right evil sometimes. It gives everyone a reality show and truth be told, every thing that goes on in your life is not meant for prime time! You see, social media just wants the “show”. And they will use your life, identity, click bait and other avenues just to keep people watching so money can be made off the advertisements.

    This is where the true friend should come in. Your close friend is supposed to be a person who has proven that you can trust them, lean on them, be vulnerable with them and just be your entire self — good or bad– with them. The friend is the one who stops you from making stupid decisions that could lead to your demise. Your friend is supposed to be the eyes in the back of your head, the hell raiser when times get really bad and your defender when needed. Based on what we can see daily on just one social medium is enough to say we are failing at being true friends.

    When I see an embarrassing moment on social media I immediately think to myself, “Oh, if they just had a real friend.” I see women and men make completely idiots of themselves and become the entertainment for the world because they struggled to deal with some relationship issue. Someone treated them wrong, or made them look like a fool or both. These hurt people then go before the social media gods seeking approval, sympathy and support for their troubles. But all they become is a sideshow of comedy for people who could care less about the truth or the real story of what happened in your life.

    A friend is supposed to stop you from looking like an idiot. Social media is NOT your friend. So the next time you see some foolishness online that makes you shake your head or laugh out loud, think about the absence of that friend who could have prevented all the foolishness. If you are one of those people who believe telling all your business on social media is acceptable, please understand NOBODY CARES. I know you think you are telling it to a group of folks who carry the label of your “friends” but it really is just in name only. Even if you have the maximum of 5000 friends on your list, the lion’s share of them still don’t care.

    Don’t believe me? Go on Facebook and ask everyone on your friends list to send you $1 and see if the amount you receive matches your total number of friends. I promise you it won’t come close!

  • No change yet? New Year looks the same as last?

    No change yet? New Year looks the same as last?

    January is always interesting when it comes to resolutions. It’s the month where you either sink or swim. New diet, new health challenge, new job, new plan — all subject to the fall in January.

    You spent money on new stuff. You spent time making vision boards and setting schedules and by week 2 or 3 the whole things in jeopardy.

    What went wrong?

    You had a perfect plan but it seems the motivation got stuck in customs in December. You have now begun the mental gymnastics of rationalizing your failure… well it’s not quite a failure yet but it’s getting there.

    Willpower is your enemy — and the fact that you may have done better with a partner or a group with the same goal.

    Willpower is a funny thing because even when the facts are stacked in your favor and your plan was routed in the best of empirical data — it still requires execution from you. I’m so sorry.

    I am wondering if what you decided was right for you? I’m also wondering were your motives for doing it in the right place?

    To make a real plan you need to address and solve a real problem. But if the problem is not exactly a problem for you, then you really won’t have the required amount of willpower to complete your task.

    So, wipe your slate clean and plan your resolutions quarter. Pick nine things of varying degrees of difficulty and group them in 3s. Make sure each group has something hard, easy and in between. Get it?

    Start working on them… skip the third quarter of the year and then finish the last quarter strong. Problems? Email me!

  • Do you see the beauty in your brokenness?

    Do you see the beauty in your brokenness?

    In the bible, Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. We don’t know why she looked back, all we know is the action was purposed.

    Did she look back because she was missing something? Or did she look back because she was angry? Reviewing? Regretting?

    It’s hard to live your life and move forward when you are stuck in the past. We all have had things in the past that were hurtful, disgraceful, embarrassing and stressful. Some of us are still dealing with trouble from our past. That trouble brought relationships we don’t want, debt we wish we didn’t have and freedoms we wish we hadn’t lost. We troll through life unsure, unfamiliar and unhappy. We always blame ourselves (and sometimes it is our fault), but more times than not we were tricked by some bastard who never really cared.

    So we find ourselves in a new year with the same old problems. And like previous years we said that the current year would be “that year” where things would change for the better. So we packed up our things and waiting on the porch for change to show up and get us — but change never showed.

    Change never said it was coming.

    You actually have to hunt down change and make it come home with you. Change is what you need and it is closer than you think.

    So what I find with people who are searching for change is that they are actually living life through their failures instead of their successes. They have already discredited their victories as a fluke; they have assassinated their own character as not being good enough; and they have settled for far less than they deserve.

    Am I talking to you yet??

    Your victories are legit! Your life is not a waste! You absolutely deserve better! And you are just as worthy as the next person. What makes us worthy is not contained in anything we aspire to do. It’s the fact that God made us to be.

    Your time is now. You already know what you need to do. You have been afraid all this time but not anymore.

    There is an upside to being down and that is your ability to bounce! Your purpose is greater than the life you have been living. Cut away your dead weight, negative feelings and past mistakes. Capitalize on what you have learned and let this be the year you do YOU!

  • Birthdays are bigger than we think

    I think we all know people who, when asked about their birthday, say that they don’t celebrate it anymore or that it’s just not a big deal.

    What are we really saying about ourselves when we make these statements?

    One of the things I love about spring is that in addition to the season in the Midwest beginning to change, I have two lovely daughters who celebrate birthdays in March and in April.

    My girls are special to me. They know that they are special, but on their birthdays, I have an extra opportunity to celebrate the fact that they exist.

    This is a fact of life that is often overlooked in childrearing.

    The stability, security and self-esteem for any daughter are wrapped up in her daddy. A father is the first man that a daughter should be in love with. The number one reason is because this would be the daughter’s first taste of TRUE love – unconditional, never-ending, God-like love.

    Codependent women, for the most part, did not experience a strong interpersonal relationship with their fathers.

    I have counseled a variety of women who have said that even when their father was there, he really wasn’t there. He lived at the house, they ate dinner together sometimes and he was a great provider of physical things.

    But how often they exchanged intimacy was in question.

    There were no tender moments. They would say things like. “I know my Dad loved me, he just doesn’t express himself that way.” Or, “Dad loves me, he’s just very busy.”

    The effects are devastating.

    The daughter that doesn’t have the strong interpersonal relationship with her dad will always struggle with her relationships with men. The codependent part comes in her defining moments. She will always wonder is she beautiful, does she matter, who loves her.

    And she will look for a male to supply her with these answers.

    Just imagine the teenage boys willing to tell these girls that they are beautiful, they are important and they are loved.

    What do you think these codependent girls will do in return for these simply words that should have come from her dad?

    If you have ever wondered how some guys ended up with these very beautiful and intelligent women – you guessed it, codependency.

    The point here is this: Every little girl needs to know that she is loved and that she matters. In fact all of us do. These two things are directly attached to her inner conscious which she will then use to fight off the voice that tell her no one loves her or she’s ugly.

    This is why birthdays are especially important to all of us. They should be used as a tool to express love and to celebrate the life of a person we love. Everyone should have at least one day a year where people make a fuss, go out of their way and express their love all because of the birth of that special someone.

    It is also for this reason that my two little girls will always know that they matter, that I love them more than life itself and that they are smart and talented enough to do whatever they put their little minds to. They need to understand that our spirits are forever connected and death can’t even separate us. That our love is everlasting – which means from the day they were conceived, it was in love and that their life and death will be spent in love.

    Make sure the people you love know it. This must be demonstrated and said out loud often enough to make it a habit. This is how we live with no regret.