Category: Grief

Posted in freedom, Grief, Happiness, Progress, Uncategorized

Suffering with midsummer depression…

Posted on by clydestyle

Everyone seems to be enjoying the beautiful summer weather but you. The idea of taking in the sights and getting some sun or taking a trip or even going to get ice cream just doesn’t seem appealing to you.

You begin avoiding people because they keep asking you what’s wrong. You stay in bed, don’t shave, lessen communication with your usual circle of friends and there is no desire to eat. Or you actually could be eating a lot or sleeping a lot — the point is you have no balance, you are living on the extremes.

Nothing hurts at least that can be measured. You either have a broken heart or a shaky mind.

Clearly you are depressed.

Seasons can actually do that to you. The year is not going like you think it should. There are ongoing problems that tend to be getting out of hand. You’re in a bad relationship and it’s wearing you down or just life itself is getting too difficult.

During this time it feels like this is only happening to you. The silence in your life is more like a fog that is coming to make you sad. It’s chasing you and making it difficult for you to escape.

Here are the top 5 things you need to force yourself to do when you are depressed.

1) You need a confidant who doesn’t solve problems for you, they just listen and support you. They get you out of the house for a break and keep you connected to the non-depressed world. You’re living on the depressed side. This person can be trusted and you know they have your best interest at heart.

2) You have to exercise…everyday. you need to break a sweat to release some of that negative energy and help balance your hormones. You need exercise to help you with step 3 as well, so pick something that will tire you out.

3) You need sleep. Find the right amount based on your age. If your magic number is 8 hours then make sure that’s all you get. Not 5 or 6 hours and not 10 to 12 hours. Eight is your number.

4) Drink half your body weight in water and try to avoid sugar and artificial sweeteners. It would be great to cancel added sugars in your diet for 10 days. You want to stay hydrated and not have anything that gives you highs and lows.

5) Eat healthy. Plant-based whole foods are best. If you can, only eat meat once a day. So you might have fruit and oatmeal for breakfast. A huge salad for lunch that includes seeds, nuts, fruit, lots of green leaves with carrots and olives. Your snacks for the day would be granola, fruit and trail mix. Then dinner could be a vegetable, sweet potato or brown rice and your meat of choice. But whatever you do, don’t eat after 9pm or 3 hours before bed.

Need any additional support contact me.

Posted in Accepted, Achievement, Change, Confidence, Determination, Faith, Fear, Forgiveness, God, Greed, Grief

Failed expectations

Posted on by clydestyle

There are people in this world that imitate animals. You have the Alpha Male who figures the Lion. Gentle giant men have the image of the grizzly bear and then there are the people who love to act like snakes, rats or chameleons. These are the people who have no problem betraying others. There is no level of consciousness that is disturbed by their distrust.

Betrayal comes from expectations that are not met. It’s the breaking on trust and the vengeance from misunderstanding.

In Greek Mythology Jason was with Medea and they had kids together and everything. All of a sudden he decides to leave her with the kids stating that they were not married anyway. Jason was off to marry a local king’s daughter. To pay him back Medea kills the kids.

Benedict Arnold fought side by side with George Washington and had his trust. He was considered a trusted soldier and friend to Washington until he defected to the British in 1780. Arnold went down in history as a symbol of betrayal.

The question this blog asks is how does it feel to betray someone? How does it feel in your heart? How does it feel just before the betrayal is realized? How do you live with yourself? What kind of person do you have to be to overcome the negative feelings of betrayal? What will your conscious allow?

It’s clear that your spirit has to settle into being a rat or a snake, but is there any coming back from that? Mr. Arnold would probably tell you no, there is no coming back. The anger towards those that betray always seems to be met with death — whether that be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Hopefully, we can avoid this concept and realize the opposite is greater. Let loyalty ring!

Posted in Change, God, Grief, guilt, Love, Progress, Relationships, Sharing, Trust, Truth

Spread real love

Posted on by clydestyle

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The abstract has much more depth than the concrete. Yet the only reason that we covet the concrete is because we can see it.

What we see will be destroyed. So why do we covet what we see? We even take beautiful abstract concepts and ruin them by making their focus on the object of the abstract. Let me make this simpler: Some people will love a person and make the thrust or emphasis of their love on the person, instead of the concept of love. So then when the relationship ends or the person being loved does not measure up to the expectations of the one loving, the relationship ends and the person loving says I’m not going to love anymore. Or say two people are madly in love and one dies. The one still alive chooses not to get involved in a love relationship anymore because it’s too painful.

You see, love is not the source of the pain or anger in either case. Failed expectations and grief respectively are the culprits in those cases, but love was blamed. Love never changed in either case. Love can still be developed and should still be resolute. It should be locked and loaded for the next episode. Not tossed aside like a smoking gun that killed the relationship.

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So what if we kept this in perspective. Love is for the mature anyway. Most teens and young adults are not mature enough to even use the word properly let alone be in what they would describe as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

We should keep love pure. It was never meant to be conditional. It was never meant for profit and it should never be associated with negative acts. Love is an everlasting stream of God in you. It will never do you any harm and will save you from a lot of hurt. So love freely, love often and love everybody unconditionally — it’s the God in you!

Posted in Change, Grief, helping, Life, Pain, Progress

Good grief?

Posted on by clydestyle

Now that the funeral is over it seems like the world has moved on. The problem with that is you are still stuck. Stuck in a pit of sorrow as your loved one is gone and there is nothing you can do to change that.

You have become angry and depressed about what is happening to you. In the same breath you have the feeling of abandonment from your friends and maybe even family. No one makes a fuss after the funeral. It’s just you and your grief. And you’ve been running away from it ever since your loved one took their last breath.

Grieving is such a normal process. It is really as normal as a laugh, an itch or a sneeze. What all these things have in common with grieving is that our bodies react to them all — yes even your grief.

So that means that sometimes you will have mood swings. A commercial or song will stop you in your tracks because it will remind you of a moment from the past. There will be days of sorrow that will keep you inside on a very sunny day. There will be times when you don’t feel like doing anything. You won’t even answer your phone. The loneliest times will be when you begin to covet someone else’s happiness as if you’ll never have your own — and this is normal.

What you have to do is push yourself to move forward. Let those around know that crying is healthy and you may start crying, but you are okay. You just need a timeout and then you can resume. Make every effort to strengthen the relationships with your loved ones who are among the living. This becomes your new focus. With every death, a family should love more. Each death should make us all strive to live each day to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised. We should live as to leave no doubt of the love we have for our family and friends.

You see, grief is not the absence of happiness, but the presence of healing and you need to allow the grief process to do the work it was designed to do. I tell you this: If grieving is your storm, then God is in the eye of it waiting for you. Allow our creator to recreate somethings in you that you though were lost. Allow the greatest engineer ever to design a stronger heart for you. This new heart loves more, laughs more and cries more. It’s more compassionate than the last and is unconditional. This heart will be born from your grief.

Allow the Potter to have his way with the clay. A better you awaits and its all because of grief! I guess Charlie Brown had it right when he said, “Good grief!”

Posted in Accountability, Beauty, Bigotry, Change, Confidence, Faith, Fear, Free Will, Generosity, Greed, Grief, guilt, Happiness, helping, History, Honor, Justice, kindness, Life, Love, Marriage, Opinions

So what I’m trying to say is . . .

Posted on by clydestyle

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In January we tried to start the year new.

February was the month to build new relationships or strengthen old ones with the help of cupid. It didn’t work.

In 2013 March brought us the memory of the resurrection as we pondered our relationship with the cross. We felt guilty.

April always fools us. We’re fooled by people and things and we suffer loss of income, respect and dignity.

In May and June we remembered our parents, but failed to do anything more meaningful than a visit. We try, and try and try and there just isn’t enough time in a day. These visit are probably the most sincere things we’ll attempt all year, but we have a hard time going beyond that.

We celebrated our independence in July. The freedoms we enjoy allowed us to over spend, over indulge and over react. We came out of the month with one truth — it’s hotter than hell in July.

August meant nothing to us. Only emptiness and uncertainty wondering what the rest of the year would bring….

September was a reminder that we have to work. We must work for our living and work to pay taxes for other people’s living and work to support our government. The ninth month reminds us that there is no rest from our labors.

October is full of tricks and lies. It lies about the treats because they never existed. And all that’s left is tricks. We live in a world full of unmet expectations and unused potential. The only thing that really happens in the month is that we get tricked.

November we’re supposed to be thankful and in December we are supposed to be at peace. That doesn’t happen either so all we get is tricked.

Sooooooooo,

Dear significant other,

Since I regularly participate in May and June, I won’t April you. I’m December and I’m November so despite what happens in September, October and August, our February will be July. So let’s January!