ClydeStyle

Category: Happiness

  • The disease of Greed

    It is hard to think of greed as a disease. The reason is that people have a choice to be greedy or not. There are some definite psychological effects of greed that explain much about what our country is going through.

    Scientists have discovered that greed is linked to the part of your brain’s reward center, leading to a pleasurable experience or sensation when a greedy person acquires something. That pleasurable sensation reinforces the greedy behavior.

    So imagine buying an extra house. You are living in your dream home, and you add another home, fix it up, and sell it. You make a 60 percent profit on the house so you buy another one. Then you do the same thing. How many more times can you do this without wanting more? When you absolutely love the benefits, it’s hard to say no.

    There is a part of greed that leads to social isolation. Most multimillionaire and billionaires experience this because they are so laser focused on making more money.

    A greedy person will do almost anything to satisfy that urge. In most cases of greed, we see where manipulation and deceit have been repeatedly used to fulfill their desires.

    Probably the worst thing about greed is that it lacks empathy and causes stress and anxiety. There are problems when you have a lot of money that many of us will never experience. When you are greedy, there is constant pressure to get more stuff. What’s worse is that you stop caring about the well-being of others as you pursue your prize.

    A greedy person is never satisfied, and that is why it always ends in a crash and burn scenario. Typical of Republicans is that they always want to give tax breaks to the rich, believing that the benefits will trickle down to the other classes. This has never happened in the history of America, but it is still their talking point.

    We saw ridiculous downsizing since President Trump has been in office, and already, he has reneged on his campaign promise not to touch Medicaid.

    The problem is greed, and as long as Congress allows, Trump will be greedy. I just hope that the checks and balances kick in before the masses in America reach their breaking point.

  • Are you a true believer in love?

    Neil Diamond wrote the song “I’m a believer” in 1966, and the Monkees performed it with Mickey Dolenz as the lead singer. It was a song about falling in love and the assurance of knowing that exact moment when the feeling was birthed.

    It is a great feeling to be in love. Out of all the things in the world that can be experienced, love has to be the best. When someone feels love, it’s like a superpower. You feel like you can do anything! It seems that dreams can become a reality, and all is right with the world.

    In like fashion, it seems that the world comes to an end when love is gone. The feeling of missing love is bitter. The sadness is covetous and touches every part of your life. You can’t eat or sleep, and nothing feels the same.

    This power of love has been misused and is still the deadliest costume to where in that someone can pretend to love you, not love you. Love has been misunderstood as infatuation, like, admiration, and lust.

    There are people who say they love you for what they can get out of you, and love is also used to control you.

    This blog is for those who are really in love. There are no holidays in August, but this is a good time to let your number one love know their position in the universe. Let’s make today, August 19, 2023, the inaugural Lover’s Day. On this day we celebrate love, with the one you love. This day is exclusive — meaning you don’t spend it out in public at a restaurant or movie.

    Lover’s Day is exclusive, and it is only spent mono e mono! It’s an interruption in your daily life to spend quality time alone. It’s a time of reflection, renewal, and rest. It’s a time to express love, enjoy being alive with your love, and enjoy a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual entanglement for 24 hours. There is no need for gifts because YOU are the gift!

    Spread the word!

  • What to do when love calls? (part 3 of 3)

    The doorbell rings and there is a gentleman caller. He’s well groomed and standing there with a single rose. He greets me with a hug and he smells amazing. The aroma is earthy with a hint of citrus. He’s excited to get where we’re going and he says I will love the surprise. We head out to his car and he opens the door and assists her in getting in. He starts the car and beautiful jazz sounds come from the bose speakers. We’re off and I don’t care what happens next.

    This scenario is a beautiful to a potentially satisfying evening. Two people who are available, drama free and emotionally available to each other. They are both at the stage of life, where they are looking for a partner to share life successes. All the kids are adults and doing well, houses are owned, advancement at work are abundant, and they’re both in the mood for love.

    It is surprising how uncommon this situation is. Typically, one or both partners have a deficiency in life that tends to hinder healthy relationships. If this scenario is closer to your situation, then you are considered blessed. However, there are 5 things that have to be present to assure success in the relationship.

    First, there is honesty. This is a key ingredient to every healthy relationship because you can’t build trust without it. Honesty is being truthful and sincere with your words, actions, and thoughts. What reason would there be for someone to be dishonest in a relationship? There is no reason to be dishonest, and a healthy relationship has no tolerance for dishonesty.

    Second, integrity is acting in a way you know to be right and kind in all situations. This should be a quality that everyone brings to the table, but those who lack the ability to have a healthy relationship see nothing wrong with omitting integrity. This should be another deal breaker.

    Third, respect is treating people, places, and things with kindness. A person who normally lacks in this area starts with not respecting themselves. A good test is to see how this person speaks about their parents. For a female, it’s her dad, and with the son, it’s the mom. These are the people who would be the instructors for your partner, and if they didn’t learn it from them, then they probably don’t know it.

    Fourth is attentive, which means a person who pays close attention to the welfare and well-being of another. This is the quality where a person makes you feel like you really matter. They pay attention when things are not right. They calculate strategies to make you happy. They know how to give their undivided attention and live directly in the moment.

    Last but not least, the person needs to be open minded and have a sense to at least try something once. This brings a freshness to the relationship and the opportunity to explore together and learn what works best for each partner. The world is a big place with lots of customs and rituals that become great learning tools for an adventurous couple.

    These ingredients serve as great starting points for a healthy relationship. So remember to not rush into anything. Relationships should always be a choice.

  • What to do when love calls (part 2 of 3)

    The only thing better than an old relationship is a new relationship, and spring is the time to get it on! (Cue the music)

    We made it through the big holidays, and New Year’s Day is an after thought. Valentine’s Day caught us in our feelings, and we knew it was time for a new love. But the person we met shows a bit of hesitation. They are not as responsive as they were when we first met. Calls are not being returned at the frequency we would like, and it seems that they could go a whole 48 hours without talking.

    Our egos caution us to tread lightly, but we don’t listen. We start to assume that there may be so.e mental health challenges with this person after all, how could they not jump on this relationship opportunity?

    At this point, we really should back off and allow the relationship to advance itself organically. That means that if it is supposed to happen, it will without any coaching for either party. We have to leave room for there to be a problem that actually has nothing to do with us.

    Everybody has a past. Good, bad, and ugly. There are things that have happened in previous relationships that we need to heal from and get over. Imagine meeting someone whose previous relationship was with a controlling narcissist. They will have been bullied, controlled, lied on, made to feel unimportant and gaslighted.

    As a result, anything you attempt to do by way of being overbearing will be a trigger. They will be very sensitive to this feeling and will retreat at the first sign. Also, God made us all unique, so what worked in the previous relationship won’t necessarily work in the new one. Another mistake is to try and be intimate with someone too song. This can be a direct turnoff, especially if sex was an issue in the previous relationship.

    The best advice for starting a new relationship is to allow the natural development of the new relationship. That means that the nature of the relationship will dictate its type. You may want it to turn into your next spouse, and all the person is looking for is a friend. You may desire a friend with benefits, but the person wants a soul mate. We need to be diligent and kind to each other. We cannot control how another person feels — to do such is juvenile.

  • What to do when love calls (part 1 of 3)

    Spring is here, and at least in the fairy tales, it means love is in the air. The environment tells us that it’s spring with the addition of new growth, leaves beginning to return, and the weather changes. Animals are feeling that special kind of way toward their mates, and soon, they will produce new growth.

    There is no escaping that fact that spring is here, and love is in the air. But when love comes calling for you, what do you do?

    Well, that depends on what stage of life you are in and whether or not in the inside you have healed from life’s challenges or you’re still wounded.

    How do you know you’re broken? In therapy there is a concept called the wounded inner child. The wounded inner child gets bruised in bad relationships. Many of us live with pain from various sources. Spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. Simply to just love someone presents pain of some type.

    The reason is normally when we enter a relationship we tend to have expectations on the other individual, and we don’t always share it. They then respond in a way that we don’t like and the guilt we feel from putting the expectations on them in the first place gets the best of us. So because of that we are not honest about how we really feel. When we’re young is easy to let these things build up. We become professionals at hiding our true feelings. Unfortunately, after decades of this behavior, we become bitter — and then someone dies or the relationship finally runs its course.

    The person left in this scenario is broken, and for them to attempt to enter into another relationship prematurely does not allow the inner child to heal.

    Another fact is that the person who wants the new relationship always thinks they can help with this project. They cannot. Our egos allow us to believe that we are the best solution for whatever the problem is, and our loneliness is off to the side co-signing it.

    The best solution here is to wait. Wait to reflect. Wait to heal. Wait to see what God says. You should never rush into a relationship. That is never necessary. If the relationship is worth it, it can survive the wait.

  • Happiness is still two kinds of ice cream

    Are you happy??

    Well first let us define our terms because sometimes we confuse happiness with joy. Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness and it’s based on a response to a known stimulus. Jesus is Lord of us all. That is a fact to all who believe and as long Jesus maintains his current position as both Lord and Christ, we will remain full of joy despite our current circumstances.

    Happiness is similar. It is a feeling or showing of pleasure or contentment toward a situation or circumstance. Both joy and happiness begin in your brain.

    Not to get too technical but Endorphins are created in your pituitary gland and hypothalamus, both located in the brain. Endorphins are a type of neurotransmitter, or messenger in your body. They attach to your brain’s reward centers (opioid receptors) and carry signals across your nervous system which tells the rest of your body you’re happy. Imaging studies suggest that the happiness response originates partly in the limbic cortex. Another area called the precuneus also plays a role.

    Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin along with endorphins are the hormones that are responsible for our happiness. Dopamine is the main contributor as it is stimulated by compliments, good decisions and anything that makes you feel good.

    So a song or movie can change your mood or you can just decide to be happy or sad. You can choose to be angry or any of the emotions. Someone can commit an offense against you and instead of being angry, you can choose to be content. You don’t have to respond with anger — that’s just the first choice of your flesh when something happens but like a radio station in the car, you can choose another station when you don’t like the song.

    This process is a higher level of self-control which is possible to achieve. You would be teaching your body how to wait on you for the response instead of selecting the reaction for you. It takes practice but you can do it. One exercise I use to help me in this process is to practice the emotions often when there is no stimulus for them. I can be angry when I want to and I can be happy when I chose to as well and I can feel it in my body.

    The title of this blog simply means that happiness simply requires a cause to be. I keep a happy cause locked and loaded in my mind for when I need a different response to things — all facts, no fluff.

    Give it a try and see if we can make the world a happier place together!!!

  • Oh boy, here comes another Valentine’s Day

    Don’t get me wrong — there is nothing wrong with the concept of Valentine’s Day. I mean how could celebrating your sweetie be a bad thing?

    Couples across the nation will celebrate this holiday having dinner, buying gifts, getting all dolled up to make this night special and to renew or refresh their relationship. So why do we need a holiday for that? We need a holiday to tell us not to fight and argue with each other? We need a holiday to tell us we should be nice and not take our partners for granted? We need a holiday to make up?

    Shouldn’t all of these things happen organically? The holiday means nothing if the behaviors and activities on that day don’t match the rest of the year. It’s a miserable life if you need a reminder to do these things. You’re living too fast! You need to set a new pace that allows you to enjoy the things in life that really matter.

    Happily married couples or mature dating partners don’t even celebrate the holiday because chances are they did whatever people celebrating the holiday did yesterday or last weekend. What they do is stay home and make jokes about all the couples out spending money, buying flowers that cost twice as much as they did last weekend, eating at expensive restaurants and making social media posts to prove their love to each other.

    Tammi Terrell and Marvin Gaye sang a song called “Ain’t nothing like the real thing”. It’s worth a listen not just because it’s a great song but it reminds us what it’s like to yearn for someone and truly be in love. It’s a reminder that life is like a vapor that appears for just a little while and then vanishes away.

    Valentine’s Day is a holiday for the folks that don’t have a good grasp on the concept of relationships. It’s for all the newbies who are still trying to figure it out because the faithful don’t celebrate it, they live it!

  • Celebrate the women you love!

    I don’t believe women are celebrated enough!

    I mean an argument could be made for celebrating anyone but from a male perspective, our female partners have a lot to put up with in life. They are still looked at as second-class citizens in regards to wages in America. They can’t seem to turn off their nurturing abilities meaning that in today’s society they do a lot more of nurturing grown men than kids.

    Women make things beautiful, they are long-suffering, forgiving (most of the time) and extremely helpful. Most of them are resilient, patient, compassionate and strong.

    When a woman is happy she can effect an entire building with her happiness. Her wrath works the same way. Women are fighters, like their animal counterparts they will defend their children with their very lives.

    I wonder how many women are the sole support of their families? During the absence of men, women have had to be everything to everybody and they hardly complain. Whenever a women is not able to do this it’s because someone somewhere ruined her. They clipped her wings or took something so precious from her that spoiled her will to thrive.

    A woman is similar to water as she is strong enough when she needs to be, comforting enough when the situation calls for it and can adapt to any situation you put her in.

    This holiday season we need to go all out for the women that make the trials of life much easier to bear. What would we do without them?

  • The season of Gratitude

    December is here! We made it! This time of the year is really different for people in mourning. Whether you’re mourning the death of a person, place or thing it’s hard to be the celebratory happy that this season demands because of your grief.

    To maintain good mental health you need to make sure that you get plenty of sleep and drink plenty of water. You must allow yourself time to be alone and make friends with the quiet.

    It’s important to validate your own feelings and take responsibility for your own happiness. Surround yourself with positive people who are doing incredible things.

    You also need a plan moving forward. It doesn’t mean you must plan to replace what was lost but it’s not a bad idea to consider the options. It also helps to assist others in their pursuit of happiness and even make someone else’s day if you can.

    And above everything else, thank God for what has happened, what tragedies didn’t happen and all the other things the creator consistently provided during this year. You deserve to be happy at times and to be loved and we serve a God that never stops loving us and provides all of our comfort! Trust him and be thankful!

  • A week of Thanksgiving…

    We have now entered into the busiest times of the year and as October made us scary, November promises that our cups will overflow! December will be the gift that keeps on giving and we can start all over on New Year’s Day.

    I thought it makes sense to take at least one month of the year to celebrate what and who you are thankful for. It seems we complain the entire year mostly about things we can’t control or things that make no sense to us or the direction the country is headed or the healthcare scares. With all that negativity we need to focus on some positives.

    So literally I would like to encourage you to do this exercise with people close to you via text or in-person. Share with a special friend or group what you are most thankful for. It will be interesting to she what things matter most to you and your friends. And with all that positive energy going around, this could be the start of something big. So since this Thursday is Thanksgiving it would a decent conversation to add to the list of subjects you deal with during your big feast!

    So here is my list! Enjoy!

    Family, church, work, friends, God given ability, good health, my doctors, my readers, old TV shows, sports, Honey Combs cereal, eggs, Stacy Adams, innovation, opportunity, freedom, Iced coffee, fresh fruits and vegetables and Samsung.