ClydeStyle

Category: Marriage

  • Are you a true believer in love?

    Neil Diamond wrote the song “I’m a believer” in 1966, and the Monkees performed it with Mickey Dolenz as the lead singer. It was a song about falling in love and the assurance of knowing that exact moment when the feeling was birthed.

    It is a great feeling to be in love. Out of all the things in the world that can be experienced, love has to be the best. When someone feels love, it’s like a superpower. You feel like you can do anything! It seems that dreams can become a reality, and all is right with the world.

    In like fashion, it seems that the world comes to an end when love is gone. The feeling of missing love is bitter. The sadness is covetous and touches every part of your life. You can’t eat or sleep, and nothing feels the same.

    This power of love has been misused and is still the deadliest costume to where in that someone can pretend to love you, not love you. Love has been misunderstood as infatuation, like, admiration, and lust.

    There are people who say they love you for what they can get out of you, and love is also used to control you.

    This blog is for those who are really in love. There are no holidays in August, but this is a good time to let your number one love know their position in the universe. Let’s make today, August 19, 2023, the inaugural Lover’s Day. On this day we celebrate love, with the one you love. This day is exclusive — meaning you don’t spend it out in public at a restaurant or movie.

    Lover’s Day is exclusive, and it is only spent mono e mono! It’s an interruption in your daily life to spend quality time alone. It’s a time of reflection, renewal, and rest. It’s a time to express love, enjoy being alive with your love, and enjoy a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual entanglement for 24 hours. There is no need for gifts because YOU are the gift!

    Spread the word!

  • Who made marriage sacred?

    Most people, in reading the headline of this blog post would say that God made marriage sacred. Much of what we know about marriage is really heresy and misinterpreted biblical text. Much of our marriage information was learned from movies and TV shows and so it’s really difficult to separate fact from fiction.

    The other problem we face in our understanding is which viewpoint we choose to believe. You see, it’s not enough to just do a Google search or go ask your local pastor. We must consider too whether the information is coming from a conservative, moderate or liberal point-of-view as the three do not agree.

    So how can you tell which one is right? Is it even possible to have an absolute truth to the marriage question? Most of our beliefs will be shaped around the generation we are from. That doesn’t make the stance right or wrong, just familiar. So is your familiarity more correct than mine?

    From my generation, marriage is honorable among all and it is between a male and female just as it is written in the bible. My generation was not accepting of same-sex marriage and really felt “funny” about interracial marriage. We believed that multiple marriages at the same time has it’s highlights, but would be a bad thing overall. And my generation frowned upon divorce but it was growing in popularity.

    The generation before me believe marriage was between a man and a woman and divorce was flat out wrong. They believed there were men’s roles and women’s role and as long as each person “stayed in their lane” the marriage would be considered successful.

    The generation after me believes that marriage is none of your business and whatever a person decides to do and who they decide to do it with is their business. If two men want to be married then that is their business. If you are in love with a sheep and want that animal to be your wife, help yourself but above all, they believe, people should mind their business.

    As for the biblical interpretation, you would think that because the Bible describes marriage as a covenant that it should be sacred. However, covenants are broken all the time (Israel was enslaved due to their covenant breaking with God) and marriage didn’t become sacred until the Catholic church deemed it that in the 12th century.

    Furthermore, the vows that you said at your marriage and definitely the ones in the movies and on TV are not biblical. The whole love, honor and obey line was written by a Baptist pastor. Divorce was allowed when the covenant was violated — meaning you broke your promise so the contract is dissolved. Divorce is a sin but not an unforgivable one. The sin of divorce is managed the same way lying, murder, covetousness and stealing are managed: You repent.

    The key to understanding and having a successful marriage is about choice. You make a choice to stay with someone and work things out. And it is your choice! It’s your life and you decide your barriers and boundaries and be at peace. If you are with someone who is please to dwell with you then cherish them. The God that loves you would not want you in a toxic situation waiting on him to intervene. He never said he would. He already gave you choice!

  • Is it really yours?

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    You know the old saying that if you let something go and if it comes back to you, then it truly belongs to you? I just wonder how practical the application of this saying would be today. I mean, I think that some of us may have taken for granted the people in our lives. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the importance of people under our jursidiction and we really need a wake up call.

    So imagine if you are the boss over a company or you are managing several employees, do you think that if they were released and given another job making the same money, they would stay with you? In the business world we believe sometimes that people get trapped and they don’t have choices. Are we taking advantage of them and treating them horribly because we can? As a leader are you making the environment your employees work in beneficial to them so that they can do the best job possible? Or have you made the place so in your favor that your colleagues hate the company and you? It should not take an episode of “Undercover Bosses” to make you do the right thing. The highest boss is watching and you will have to answer to him.
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    Let’s take this a step further and look at the family because I wonder how many children would stay with their same parents. For those of you with children, do you believe that your offspring would gladly stay with you if they had another opportunity. I’m not talking about riches or a bigger house, I’m speaking pound for pound, comparing apples to apples, given a choice would your children stay with you? That’s a hard question for some and not meant to ruin anyone’s week, but we need to take a step back sometimes and see if what we think we are accomplishing is good and for the betterment of the people God has placed us over.

    Now for the finale, when you look at your marriage do you believe your spouse would come back to you if he or she had the option to leave with no strings attached? Think before you answer. Do you make your spouse feel that he or she is the perfect match for you? Do they feel God’s full blessing being with you or would they rather be single? Is this even something you can talk about? Has chasing after success in life or bitterness or past failures turned you into an asshole? Don’t look at me, I didn’t say it your spouse may have! I just want you to take an honest look at your situation.
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    Life is too short to spend the rest of it with someone who repels you. So before they sneak and talk to an attorney about their options, wouldn’t it be more cost effective for you to have that “come to Jesus talk” with them and say you’re sorry and you want to be better? If you really and truly love the person you are with, you owe it too yourself and your spouse a true confession and a heartfelt apology. Then you would spend your life prioritizing things in order of importance and you would begin with your relationship.

    Don’t listen to the voice in your head that says this task is too much. It is just what your relationship needs. Be the leader you claim you are and lead in this effort to make your life better.

  • Let’s get serious about this marriage thing

    The outpouring of emotion and anger surrounding the Supreme Court decision has prompted me to write this post.

    There are some things that never change. Same-sex relationships have been around for centuries. The struggles with sin have been around just as long and the word of God has been around longer. For those who were outraged by the decision, I hope this is a new beginning for you.

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    I hope that this decision forces you to study to show yourself approved of God. I hope that this decision makes you hold your spiritual leaders to a higher standard and I hope it encourages you to be the best you can be for Christ.

    Satan has allowed this to become a religious fight and it is not. This is about civil rights and that is supposed to be as important to the Constitution as salvation is to the bible. In our preamble it says we are to, “…secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity…” although this country does not always do this, the decision today was a strong attempt….and rightfully so.

    Our Constitution and our bibles are two different things. But what they agree on is free will. Our God offers us a choice and holds us accountable to that choice. I do not ever want the government to attempt to control my choice. But insurance companies were controlling the choice of who your spouse could be and whether or not they would pay benefits based on who you chose as your spouse.

    So if the insurance companies allowed for their customers to define who gets the benefits they are paying for, then there would have been no need to incorporate marriage into this situation. Civil marriage has taken a hit, but holy matrimony has not. I would rather same-sex couples simply refer to their relationships as civil unions and the same benefits given to married couples be extended to them as well. That way everyone would satisfied. But I’m not the president.

    Furthermore, we have never had a righteous president in the history of America. Every single president has innocent blood they must give an account for, whether what they did was direct or indirect. So why are we looking for righteousness in unrighteous places??

    What every child of God needs to do is not react to what has happened with emotion. And definitely don’t try to be the bible scholar you are not. Instead place all of your blame and expectation on yourself — first for joining this fight so late and second for not having any influence in the matter what so ever.

    What you can do right now is make sure that your own household is in order. Make sure that you are leading in the education of your family and not relying on Congress to guide your moral compass.

    Allow the world to be the world and allow the word of Christ to dwell in you richly. Where most see chaos and turmoil in this decision, I see opportunity — to God be the glory!

  • How black was Friday?

    So this past weekend we celebrated all the things we were thankful for. Then over the weekend we participated in the newest holiday on our calendars – Black Friday.

    This tradition had a very humble beginning and had nothing to do with shopping. The term was born in 1966 in Philadelphia where the city used this term to describe the extra flow of traffic (particularly pedestrians) on the day after Thanksgiving. It wasn’t until 1975 that this saying spread beyond PA.

    Historians are divided on whether or not the day referred to the amount of Black people walking the streets of Philadelphia or vehicle traffic in general. The media helped to dramatize this day by claiming it was the busiest shopping day of the year.

    Truth be told, the Saturday before Christmas has held this title for years. It wasn’t until 1993 that the day after Christmas became the number one shopping day. Black Friday did not have the title of number one shopping day consistently until 2005 and it has been the number one shopping day since.

    Capitalism’s favorite holiday is reported to be off to a great start. There were more shoppers out spending money than in recent years and this year it started a day early! There was much debate about companies “stealing” time on Thanksgiving and some tried to protest. I don’t know the actual numbers, but driving past a Walmart on the evening of Thanksgiving looked more like more people bypassed the second helping to spend money!

    The worst part of the shopping season for me is that sales ads will be more obnoxious than political ads during a presidential election year! Crazy ads where companies are trying to unload their summer and fall leftovers masquerading as the greatest deal on earth. Operation: Make room for spring things is in full affect!

    The question here is this: Do we really believe that we, as the consumers, are getting the best deals on these days? If we didn’t shop on “black friday” or decided to spend our dollars throughout the year instead of during the Christmas season, what would the day be called?

    For years, retailers have over-charged us to make their money. That was fine until they got greedy. Items get marked up five to 10 times the cost to make them. What then actually happens is that retail shops sell off the year-end items (leftovers) as Christmas gifts. So if an item was marked up four times its wholesale price, the retailer will sell it for mark up during the products peak season. Then the item may drop to half off. A profit is still made on that item and it looks like we’ve gotten a great deal.

    This retail information is not new. We all understand this, but we keep buying. I would like to think that we’re emphasizing the fellowship and togetherness as best friends, dads and sons, daughters and moms hanging out for a day of shopping, eating and laughing. It’s just too bad we have to spend money or need a holiday of sorts to get us to spend quality time. And many folks spend more than they have to impress, say sorry or over love the people in their lives. Some children are overindulged and others have nothing. It’s the time of year for haves, not have nots, but you will see everyone showing the money!

    Life is too short. Make quality time a priority this season. Let those you love know how you feel…before your life gets interrupted permanently.

  • So what I’m trying to say is . . .

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    In January we tried to start the year new.

    February was the month to build new relationships or strengthen old ones with the help of cupid. It didn’t work.

    In 2013 March brought us the memory of the resurrection as we pondered our relationship with the cross. We felt guilty.

    April always fools us. We’re fooled by people and things and we suffer loss of income, respect and dignity.

    In May and June we remembered our parents, but failed to do anything more meaningful than a visit. We try, and try and try and there just isn’t enough time in a day. These visit are probably the most sincere things we’ll attempt all year, but we have a hard time going beyond that.

    We celebrated our independence in July. The freedoms we enjoy allowed us to over spend, over indulge and over react. We came out of the month with one truth — it’s hotter than hell in July.

    August meant nothing to us. Only emptiness and uncertainty wondering what the rest of the year would bring….

    September was a reminder that we have to work. We must work for our living and work to pay taxes for other people’s living and work to support our government. The ninth month reminds us that there is no rest from our labors.

    October is full of tricks and lies. It lies about the treats because they never existed. And all that’s left is tricks. We live in a world full of unmet expectations and unused potential. The only thing that really happens in the month is that we get tricked.

    November we’re supposed to be thankful and in December we are supposed to be at peace. That doesn’t happen either so all we get is tricked.

    Sooooooooo,

    Dear significant other,

    Since I regularly participate in May and June, I won’t April you. I’m December and I’m November so despite what happens in September, October and August, our February will be July. So let’s January!

  • Unconditional marriage?

    unconditional loveSo we know that the divorce rate is really high. But it doesn’t have to be. Is it really possible that all of these divorced people just happened to marry the wrong person?

    I know that there have been some in terrible abusive relationships and for safety reasons they had to get out. But the lion share of divorces stem from unmet expectations and selfish motives.

    No one told them that unconditional love was supposed to be brought to the marriage, not generated from within.

    They didn’t know that forgiveness wasn’t optional when they said “I do” and that expectations were only conditions you place on yourself.

    They were ignorant to what things should have been the most important. It’s a bad feeling to be judged by how much money you make, how you dress, how shapely your hips are or the size of your breasts. It’s extremely shallow for someone to expect their own version of what’s perfect to be matched or exceeded by their partner.

    Of all the scriptures we take literally, no one bothered to take Jesus seriously when he said, “If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out!” Or “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off!” (Matt. 5:29-30).

    The simple fix for marriage is for each party to take a step back and really look at what they are bringing to the table. What you are bringing to the table can’t just look good to you alone. It needs to be valuable to the person you pledged to live forever with.

    If it is not, and it probably isn’t, the two of you need to talk and stop playing married and truly work at being married.

  • A reason to be outraged?

    May 9, 2012 will be a day that goes down in history as another advancement in civil rights.

    President Barack Obama gave his personal feelings regarding same-sex unions. Before doing this, his administration has already done many things for gays and lesbians in regards to their civil rights. In addition, he has done quite a bit in his presidency for minorities and the disenfranchised.

    With that said, we need to remember the separation of church and state. Too many religious people will attempt to make this an issue for the church — it is not.

    What we can’t do here is forget what our constitution says regarding equal rights. If you believe in the fabric of what our forefathers wrote about “one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all”, and if you believe in the Holy Bible and you understand the teaching of free will and judgement day, you should be very understanding of the events of the day.

    Why you ask? Because no one I know voted for Obama because of his religious beliefs. I hope that no one has wasted a vote on any politician based on his spirituality.

    What you should have done is voted based on the political views they claimed and their ability to get those things done.

    But you don’t need me to tell you why you should vote. Instead, let me just remind you of God’s word.

    There are many people who believe in trying to do God’s job. You see, God never invited us to His judgement seat. God invited us to the love seat; forgiveness seat; and benevolent seat. These are the things that Christians do.

    We need to uphold free will — hand in hand with democracy! We need to make sure that we don’t create a scenario that backfires on us. How can I decide a choice for someone when I don’t want anyone to make choices for me?

    In this country, there are many organizations (like the KKK) that I don’t agree with. I don’t even think they should exist. And despite the evil things done in their history I believe in their right to exist. Why? Because I’m a Christian and I’m an American. As a Christian I know what the bible says and I know who has the final say. I know who will judge the quick and the dead and I’m comfortable with His judgement.

    As an American, my constitution is the standard and we have a history of being hypocrites. Just as other great Americans have done, I feel duty bound to speak up for the rights our troops are defending. People have the right to love and be with who they want. Whether I agree with it or not, they still have that right.

    We need to make sure that we are not trying to hide bigotry behind the cross!

  • Truth or consequences?

    Jesus, on one occasion, said to let your yea be yea and your nay be nay.

    He wanted us to honor our words. If you say you are going to do something, make sure you do it. Keep your promises. Don’t say things that you do not mean. All of these things speak to the character of the one saying them.

    Our society has a hard time keeping its word. From government and politicians to the pulpits and preachers and everyone in between, we struggle to keep our word.

    It has been so bad that once we are found not keeping our word, the response is so callous and matter-of-factly stated, “oh well.” ” It happens.” “Get over it!”

    Wives are not keeping promises to manage the home; husbands and fathers are not taking care of their families; whole school systems have failed to keep their promises to educate; and the governments deceive.

    What judgment are we to face because of this? One of the seven things God hates is a lying tongue. We need not to make this too complicated. Imagine a world where everyone kept their word? Imagine a world where honesty is the most important thing and not profit?

    Don’t get caught living in lies! For we must realize that we are not merely lying to men, but to God and his judgment is coming.

    Let’s make 2012 a better year by presenting ourselves open and honest before God and mankind.

  • Your love of tennis means nothing

    It seems in these trying times we live in that it is getting more difficult to navigate our relationships. One would think that we all needed therapy as sometimes it seems that we can’t do anything right.

    Either we are not working together or we’re going in two different directions. Or we are being to critical or not critical enough. We are too self-fish, too demanding, too righteous, too lazy … well you get the picture. I want to share a concept with you that may shine some light on how we are supposed to get along and how we can gravitate toward the positive and benefit both parties — and we do this with tennis.

    Now I’m not asking you to go play or watch tennis. What I want to do is borrow a few concepts to make a point.Imagine your troubled relationship as a doubles team in tennis. To play doubles in tennis you have to know a little bit about the strengths and weaknesses of your partner. Not only do you have to know them, but you have to use their strengths and protect their weakness. Did you catch that? I said you must use their strengths and protect their weaknesses.

    Some tennis players are slow moving to their weak side. Others might have a strong right hand, but a horrible back hand. When you learn these weaknesses and strengths you are able to set up your partner in a way that they are going to look like a pro. So if my partner is not as strong going to her left, guess who will play on her left side? You got it. Now, if I don’t play on her left side once I figure out that this is a weakness for her, shame on me!

    If my partner has a strong right hand, then my job when I serve is to place the ball so that when it returns, it comes to her right side. Of course, it’s impossible to make this happen every single time, but you can manipulate that serve enough that it happens more than enough to win.

    Why would I want to do that you ask? Well if I view my partner as truly being my partner, I have her best interest in mind. If you are not sure of this, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your partner and see if she or he feels that you hold their best interest. What a wonderful opportunity life provides if the significant other feels that you don’t have their best interest. Take this challenge and honor your mate by letting him or her know that you admire their strengths and you promise to protect their weaknesses. Humility will make them say it back to you. Where as love means absolutely nothing in tennis, it means everything in true relationships.

    Tennis anyone?