ClydeStyle

Category: Relationships

  • Who made marriage sacred?

    Most people, in reading the headline of this blog post would say that God made marriage sacred. Much of what we know about marriage is really heresy and misinterpreted biblical text. Much of our marriage information was learned from movies and TV shows and so it’s really difficult to separate fact from fiction.

    The other problem we face in our understanding is which viewpoint we choose to believe. You see, it’s not enough to just do a Google search or go ask your local pastor. We must consider too whether the information is coming from a conservative, moderate or liberal point-of-view as the three do not agree.

    So how can you tell which one is right? Is it even possible to have an absolute truth to the marriage question? Most of our beliefs will be shaped around the generation we are from. That doesn’t make the stance right or wrong, just familiar. So is your familiarity more correct than mine?

    From my generation, marriage is honorable among all and it is between a male and female just as it is written in the bible. My generation was not accepting of same-sex marriage and really felt “funny” about interracial marriage. We believed that multiple marriages at the same time has it’s highlights, but would be a bad thing overall. And my generation frowned upon divorce but it was growing in popularity.

    The generation before me believe marriage was between a man and a woman and divorce was flat out wrong. They believed there were men’s roles and women’s role and as long as each person “stayed in their lane” the marriage would be considered successful.

    The generation after me believes that marriage is none of your business and whatever a person decides to do and who they decide to do it with is their business. If two men want to be married then that is their business. If you are in love with a sheep and want that animal to be your wife, help yourself but above all, they believe, people should mind their business.

    As for the biblical interpretation, you would think that because the Bible describes marriage as a covenant that it should be sacred. However, covenants are broken all the time (Israel was enslaved due to their covenant breaking with God) and marriage didn’t become sacred until the Catholic church deemed it that in the 12th century.

    Furthermore, the vows that you said at your marriage and definitely the ones in the movies and on TV are not biblical. The whole love, honor and obey line was written by a Baptist pastor. Divorce was allowed when the covenant was violated — meaning you broke your promise so the contract is dissolved. Divorce is a sin but not an unforgivable one. The sin of divorce is managed the same way lying, murder, covetousness and stealing are managed: You repent.

    The key to understanding and having a successful marriage is about choice. You make a choice to stay with someone and work things out. And it is your choice! It’s your life and you decide your barriers and boundaries and be at peace. If you are with someone who is please to dwell with you then cherish them. The God that loves you would not want you in a toxic situation waiting on him to intervene. He never said he would. He already gave you choice!

  • Way too many hats

    The problem with Christianity today is that the Christian understanding of religion is played out in hats. What I mean is we process Christian traits like wearing a hat. So there is a hate for love, a hat for forgiveness, a hat for service, a blessed hat, a joyful hat and even a praise hat and depending on our mood we regularly switch hats.

    Unfortunately there are other hats. Hats of hatred, racism, anger, gossiping, back biting and lustful. We switch these hats on and off as well. The problem lies in the fact that we never lose the evil hats in this concept. Because when the wind blows there is of telling which hat we will wear.

    Further, in a moments notice someone can do something negative to me and my hat willing change instantly. For example, I could be wearing my happy hat, and then someone could start a political argument with me and the anger hat is summoned. I then willfully chose to put on the anger hat. You see I had a chance to keep on my happy hat, but my flesh rose up against me and anger seemed like the best hat.

    So for me to be better, I have to get rid of the hat system. It needs to be replaced with something better because it gives me too many negative choice. What I recommend is a tattoo system — yes, tattoo system. With the tattoo system I can have the fruit of the Spirit tattooed on me for choices and I can leave the works of the flesh alone. I don’t even need them as options.

    So what would it be like if we could only use what was tattooed on me? It means that when the flesh told me to become angry (and that isn’t an option), I would choice from my option menu and pick love. When offered the gossip option, I would choose to serve. This way my only options would be godly and I would no longer see the other negative things available.

    My friends, this is a choice you can make. Stop falling for the hat trick and get you some tattoos in Jesus name!

  • Restoring virtue back in Father’s Day

    I’m not exactly sure when it happened but fathers have been given a bad deal when compared to their counter parts for decades. The trend seems to follow how dads are viewed on television.

    What I mean is that back in the day we saw strong fathers leading their families, being the bread winner and dishing out the punishments. Dads were revered, respected and trusted. They were the shinning example of what a kid would want to grow up and be like.

    Most today have forgotten the famous dads of old: Ward Cleaver, Andy Griffin, and Ricky Ricardo. They were shortly replaced by Archie Bunker, Fred Sanford and George Jefferson. Then it got much worse with cartoon dads: Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin and good old Bob from Bob’s burgers. The role of dad became comic relief and lost its once shiny posture.

    During all this transformation the family units were broken up and women took the lead roles and became responsible for the whole house. So this is now father’s day weekend and the lowercase “f” was purposeful. In a month where fathers were honored is now sharing the spotlight with gay pride.

    I propose a campaign where fathers are placed back in their rightful positions as the leaders of their homes and a shelter and shield for their families. Women get a big star for attempting to both but look at all the shared responsibilities that come with having a real man standing st the gates of your heart and being the “house band” that he was called to be. Let us salute and encourage fathers everywhere to step into the light and take a bow!

    Happy Father’s Day!!!

  • The big Break up

    The Stylistics made the song “Break up to make up” famous! Saying, “First you love me, then you hate me, that’s a game for fools.” Probably the worst thing about breaking up is that in the beginning it leaves you so empty. There is a brand new void that needs to be filled. Some embrace the void as pain that quickly leads to depression. Others look to fill the void immediately often dragging someone new into the picture which isn’t fair to the newcomer.

    What makes relationships so hard is that we all have somewhat of a hidden complex about ourselves. Things like personal quirks that we feel we can’t be honest about. We have feelings we can’t share for fear of being judged. We don’t want anyone to know we’re insecure. Then there are people that are so afraid of being hurt again that they can’t be transparent in a new relationship. There are so many dynamics, but with most of them good communication and honesty fixes most of them.

    Assumptions are another great relationship killer. And mind you these things hurt over time. The first 40 assumptions aren’t enough to kill a relationship. It’s the next 200 of them that does it. Then you start factoring in all the wasted time. All your fears about breaking up come to light and that space you don’t enjoy — the emptiness is surrounding you again.

    Well, if you have ended a relationship recently let’s try to pick up the pieces. First, if you think it’s all your fault — it is! Not ALL because it takes 2 people for a relationship. You definitely need to own a percentage of the break up. But who’s fault it is doesn’t matter now because it’s over … right???

    What matters now is that we learn from what happened and own our dysfunction. Some people enter a relationship still broken from a previous one. You can not give yourself wholly to a person when you are broken. You must heal first. Some people just don’t like to be alone. They jump around from person to person when they really need to get a dog — or some other pet and heal.

    There are also areas that need improvement. All improvements must be made for only one reason — because you want to make them for yourself. If you were informed in a previous relationship that you were selfish, you have to decide if you believe that to be true. Any changes you make has to be because you want it. If not, it will not be genuine.

    Slowing the dating process waaaaaay down is also a must as you must give things time to develop. When you meet a new person you are instantly in discovery mode. Give it time. Before you start making new commitments you must heal from the past and know what characteristics you like before you meet someone and don’t compromise them.

    If you are really looking for a long- term committed relationship, you need to seek spiritual guidance for this is the highest point of mankind’s intellect. Glorify God in every aspect of the relationship and if it ends, you will land on your feet! Now, make sure you take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally in order to recover from the break up. Give it time. You will get better!

  • A network of togetherness

    There is something to be said for being together. Our closeness or unity or connection to another person or group of folks quenches the thirsty we have for belonging. As humans we need to be a part of something — good or bad we need to belong. We yearn for inclusion and to be entangled with other people.

    Togetherness is defined as a state or feeling of closeness and happiness among people who are together as friends, family members, etc. Some have several groups they associate with. In these groups you should find all you need to balance your life such as encouragement, support, wisdom, intimacy, family, networking and entertainment.

    Togetherness is so important that we should have a societal rule that everyone must be a part of a crew. You choose your own crew but your Togetherness will also be charged for trouble you get in. That alone would make us choose our friends more closely and truly be our brothers keeper!

    Togetherness greatly helps with mental health issues and it single handedly lowers suicide rates. In fact, overall crime goes down in areas where people cluster together in unity. Many foreigners to this country take their togetherness to a foreign land and excel! They live in close quarters together for a time to save money and get ahead. So two families may move together and live together here. All able-bodied individuals work and the money made is shared with the cluster. Each family helps the other get ahead and they slowly bring in more families as others advance.

    This just proves that we are better together. We were created to be a part of a pair that would have the ability to increase it’s nunber and the. They would all work together and look out for each other. We also call this a family!

    I remember the crew I had in junior high, high school and college. Then I had a different group of professionals when I entered the workforce. As far back as I can recall, I have never existed without a crew. And all of my groups were successful. How about you my friends? Do you have a crew? Do you support your crew? Is your group successful? Can you rely on them? These are very important questions if you plan to get by with a little help from your friends!

  • Being a friend

    There seems to be a shortage of true friends in this world. Social media can be down right evil sometimes. It gives everyone a reality show and truth be told, every thing that goes on in your life is not meant for prime time! You see, social media just wants the “show”. And they will use your life, identity, click bait and other avenues just to keep people watching so money can be made off the advertisements.

    This is where the true friend should come in. Your close friend is supposed to be a person who has proven that you can trust them, lean on them, be vulnerable with them and just be your entire self — good or bad– with them. The friend is the one who stops you from making stupid decisions that could lead to your demise. Your friend is supposed to be the eyes in the back of your head, the hell raiser when times get really bad and your defender when needed. Based on what we can see daily on just one social medium is enough to say we are failing at being true friends.

    When I see an embarrassing moment on social media I immediately think to myself, “Oh, if they just had a real friend.” I see women and men make completely idiots of themselves and become the entertainment for the world because they struggled to deal with some relationship issue. Someone treated them wrong, or made them look like a fool or both. These hurt people then go before the social media gods seeking approval, sympathy and support for their troubles. But all they become is a sideshow of comedy for people who could care less about the truth or the real story of what happened in your life.

    A friend is supposed to stop you from looking like an idiot. Social media is NOT your friend. So the next time you see some foolishness online that makes you shake your head or laugh out loud, think about the absence of that friend who could have prevented all the foolishness. If you are one of those people who believe telling all your business on social media is acceptable, please understand NOBODY CARES. I know you think you are telling it to a group of folks who carry the label of your “friends” but it really is just in name only. Even if you have the maximum of 5000 friends on your list, the lion’s share of them still don’t care.

    Don’t believe me? Go on Facebook and ask everyone on your friends list to send you $1 and see if the amount you receive matches your total number of friends. I promise you it won’t come close!

  • I’m baaaack!

    Yes. The headline is true. I have started writing again. I’m older, wiser and I have lived. I’m been through comedy and tragedy and I’m now back to share the experiences. Some of the experience will be spiritual and others will feel like therapy but it’s all being done to build you up and give thought-provoking commentary.

    There are more books in the works as well as a podcast. I am even working on an R&B band and a cooking channel. I am praying that these things will be a blessing to all.

    So for my first blog back I just want to share a bit about judging others. It seems that we are extremely hypocritical about this category because everyone has an opinion, but that only seems to apply when YOU are giving the commentary. It doesn’t feel so good when it flows the other way. The problem with judging is that it allows us to elevate our own sense of self-worth over another. What gives you the right to judge? It’s because I feel I have something very important to say … because I am that important. It seems that instead of the bias commentary, we ought to be engaged in helping.

    The bible says it this way: “If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.”
    Galatians 6:3 NLT
    https://bible.com/bible/116/gal.6.3.NLT

    The point here is that since we have the energy to burn, why not use it to build someone up instead of tearing them down.

  • Don’t say it; because you are better than that!

    In the book of James in the bible he talks in chapter 3 about taming the tongue.

    James compares the tongue to the govenor that controls a ship and the bit that bridles the horse. Both when used properly are for the purposes of controlling the whole.

    He also says the tongue is fire and if not controlled it would burn and destroy. The instrument used to control has been misused for retaliation. The biggest problem with retaliation is that it always hits the people that are closest to us.

    How many arguments have you had with people you have professed to love that ended badly because somebody made an out of bounds comment that was clearly meant to hurt the person?

    Sadly, the closest people to us are the ones that we know the most about. They have been vulnerable with us. They trust us with some very intimate things. We then turn around in our selfishness and unload hate at the ones we love.

    Selfishness is the reason we respond that way. Selfishness is the actual thing that needs controlling and God gave us the tongue to do that. All of our good, bad and ugly gets distributed throughout our whole bodies and before it leaves our temple it rests on our tongue. It’s at this moment that we are crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20).

  • Rate yourself

    Rate yourself

    If there was a rating system for human beings, what type of human would you be? I mean would you seek to get high scores? Would you act any different than you do today?

    It seems that it does not matter to some people how others see them. I wonder if there were a system and within that system you had to score a certain amount of points. Imagine if each year everyone had to score a certain amount of points for “doing good”. I mean you scored points when you helped people, or when you were kind or when you sacrificed for others or if you made your community better. Imagine if this was the case and those who failed to score enough points had to spend the following year in jail??

    I wonder would there be people in prison if this were the case? Or what if things like greed, envy, lies, anger and hurting people took points away?

    Imagine if your kindness was your currency? Who then would be rich?

    It is sad that in America we have such a morality issue and we don’t seem to know what is right anymore. Or we just don’t care because the consequences aren’t stiff enough.

    The things that are important and matter are not our biggest things. Covetousness seems to be and unless something drastically changes, we will ultimately cause our own country to fall.

  • Too much wind for ya??

    Too much wind for ya??

    It has been a while since I expounded on God’s word so I would like to share Matt. 14:23-33.

    In this passage of scripture, Jesus was with a multitude and once he sent them away he went up on the mountain to pray alone. By the time he had finished it was getting late and the ship where his disciples were was in the midst of the sea being tossed around about by the waves and the wind.

    Jesus comes toward them walking on the sea (yes, he was actually walking on the sea as if there was a makeshift walkway) and his disciples saw him and were afraid as they thought he was a ghost. The savior calls out to them to let them know it was him.

    Astonished, Peter was the brave soul to take it a step forward when he asked for proof that it was in fact Jesus. His proof was that Jesus would allow for him to walk on water and meet him. The creator granted Peter’s request and here is where we get the meat for this story.

    Verse 30 says that the wind was boisterous. That means it was loud and forceful, but this is something the text says Peter saw, not heard. Peter first saw Jesus walking on water and he was afraid. He also “saw” the wind boisterous and was afraid.

    Which do you think scared him the most?

    The assumption here is that when he saw Jesus and realized that it truly was him, he wanted to do what Jesus was doing. And he actually did walk on water.

    But the wind’s actions were accompanied by force and it stood in opposition of what Peter wanted to do, Peter backed down because he felt he was no match for the wind. He knew that the force of the wind was far greater than he was. When he began to sink he cried for Jesus to save him and immediately the text says He did but asked Peter why did he doubt.

    The lesson: The wind represents everything that is against us here from trials and tribulations to sin. Jesus is still Jesus in this lesson and Peter represents us. Jesus did not save Peter because they were good friends. In fact, any of the disciples could have done what Peter did. Peter just happened to be the one bold enough to ask. The assumption is that if you asked the question, the answer should have produced faith. In other words, Peter said Lord if it is you, then let me come to you. By the fact that Peter was able to come meant that it was in fact Jesus and now your faith will be made perfect in your work (walking on water).

    Am I going too fast?

    Faith without works is dead. Peter’s question was answered and he began through the work to demonstrate his faith, but the wind (trial) was too much. And even though Peter did nothing to earn his salvation, Jesus saved him anyhow. Why? Because he is God and that’s the business he is in.

    Dear reader, do you believe that God will save you? Have you come to him in obedience to his will and allowed your faith to grow through your works?

    Or is there just too much wind???