ClydeStyle

Category: Working together

  • May is mental health awareness month

    The month of May has been designated as the time that mental health professionals share and discuss nearly 300 mental disorders that are listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

    America still has not accepted the fact that our nation is mentally sick and there is just so much that a person can take. Many other civilized nations have already begun to consider their citizens and have created laws that make counseling available and even mandatory in some cases.

    China, Italy, Japan, Canada, Australia, France, and Germany are among the leading countries who have decided to make mental health more than a talking point and have made laws in the best interest of its citizenry.

    A mental illness is a health problem that affects mood, thought, behavior, or perception. It would affect a person’s ability to function at work, in relationships, or in things you do every day.

    There are many disorders. People are suffering from mood disorders like depression; anxiety disorders; personality disorders; psychotic disorders; eating disorders; trauma-related disorders; and substance abuse disorders. The saddest part is that there are many folks in prison who were arrested for committing a crime associated with a disorder. In America, we put people like this in jail instead of giving them the help that they need.

    What’s worse is that we allow folks suffering with a mental health disorder access to automatic weapons.

    We need to continue to solicit our government to make policies that help those suffering from mental health issues and not ostracize them in our society. May is the month to make us more aware. Will you do your part?

  • Who made marriage sacred?

    Most people, in reading the headline of this blog post would say that God made marriage sacred. Much of what we know about marriage is really heresy and misinterpreted biblical text. Much of our marriage information was learned from movies and TV shows and so it’s really difficult to separate fact from fiction.

    The other problem we face in our understanding is which viewpoint we choose to believe. You see, it’s not enough to just do a Google search or go ask your local pastor. We must consider too whether the information is coming from a conservative, moderate or liberal point-of-view as the three do not agree.

    So how can you tell which one is right? Is it even possible to have an absolute truth to the marriage question? Most of our beliefs will be shaped around the generation we are from. That doesn’t make the stance right or wrong, just familiar. So is your familiarity more correct than mine?

    From my generation, marriage is honorable among all and it is between a male and female just as it is written in the bible. My generation was not accepting of same-sex marriage and really felt “funny” about interracial marriage. We believed that multiple marriages at the same time has it’s highlights, but would be a bad thing overall. And my generation frowned upon divorce but it was growing in popularity.

    The generation before me believe marriage was between a man and a woman and divorce was flat out wrong. They believed there were men’s roles and women’s role and as long as each person “stayed in their lane” the marriage would be considered successful.

    The generation after me believes that marriage is none of your business and whatever a person decides to do and who they decide to do it with is their business. If two men want to be married then that is their business. If you are in love with a sheep and want that animal to be your wife, help yourself but above all, they believe, people should mind their business.

    As for the biblical interpretation, you would think that because the Bible describes marriage as a covenant that it should be sacred. However, covenants are broken all the time (Israel was enslaved due to their covenant breaking with God) and marriage didn’t become sacred until the Catholic church deemed it that in the 12th century.

    Furthermore, the vows that you said at your marriage and definitely the ones in the movies and on TV are not biblical. The whole love, honor and obey line was written by a Baptist pastor. Divorce was allowed when the covenant was violated — meaning you broke your promise so the contract is dissolved. Divorce is a sin but not an unforgivable one. The sin of divorce is managed the same way lying, murder, covetousness and stealing are managed: You repent.

    The key to understanding and having a successful marriage is about choice. You make a choice to stay with someone and work things out. And it is your choice! It’s your life and you decide your barriers and boundaries and be at peace. If you are with someone who is please to dwell with you then cherish them. The God that loves you would not want you in a toxic situation waiting on him to intervene. He never said he would. He already gave you choice!

  • Disorder danger

    In an effort to provide helpful information for families dealing with trauma, I want to discuss dissociative disorders today. It is very important when parenting to provide a literal safe-haven for your children. Home life should be care-free, loving, supportive and encouraging. It should be a place where your children can feel safe and secure from harm and be able to escape the pressures and worries of life. They need to be a part of an environment that is designed with them in mind.

    Normally at the beginning of their life we make sure the house is safe — especially as they become toddlers and begin to walk. We put things in place so they won’t get hurt. We lock cabinets and plug outlets to ensure safety and we try and have them follow a route everyday so they know what to expect and there are very minimal surprises. As they get older we stop thinking so much about their safety and docus more on their independence. Well, dissociative disorders are mental disorders that involve experiencing a disconnection and lack of continuity between thoughts, memories, surroundings, actions and identity. People with dissociative disorders escape reality in ways that are involuntary and unhealthy and cause problems with functioning in everyday life.

    The cause has to do with trauma normally in their youth. It could be natural disasters, death of a loved one, molestation, physical, emotional or sexual abuse or even war. Because personal identity is still forming during childhood, a child is more able than an adult to step outside of himself or herself and observe trauma as though it’s happening to a different person. A child who learns to dissociate in order to endure a traumatic experience may use this coping mechanism in response to stressful situations throughout life.

    The adult version of this gets worse. The disconnect from emotions starts and is stimulated by stress. Memory loss, a perception of the people and things around you as distorted and unreal and a blurred sense of identity. Significant stress or problems in your relationships, work or other important areas of your life and an inability to cope well with emotional or professional stress. And of course mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors will manifest itself in adulthood.

    It’s not all do and gloom though because psychotherapy and or medication have proven to be extremely successful treatments. If we could only move the stigma of mental health counseling being a negative, more people could get help. This condition effects every part of adult life and it makes relationships very difficult. The result end with people seeking alternative ways of dealing with the disorders. They self medicate, use drugs, having eating disorders and major depression.

    There is help available and the people suffering with this disorder are not alone. Seek professional help or visit http://www.clydestyle.org for answers. I am here for you!

  • A network of togetherness

    There is something to be said for being together. Our closeness or unity or connection to another person or group of folks quenches the thirsty we have for belonging. As humans we need to be a part of something — good or bad we need to belong. We yearn for inclusion and to be entangled with other people.

    Togetherness is defined as a state or feeling of closeness and happiness among people who are together as friends, family members, etc. Some have several groups they associate with. In these groups you should find all you need to balance your life such as encouragement, support, wisdom, intimacy, family, networking and entertainment.

    Togetherness is so important that we should have a societal rule that everyone must be a part of a crew. You choose your own crew but your Togetherness will also be charged for trouble you get in. That alone would make us choose our friends more closely and truly be our brothers keeper!

    Togetherness greatly helps with mental health issues and it single handedly lowers suicide rates. In fact, overall crime goes down in areas where people cluster together in unity. Many foreigners to this country take their togetherness to a foreign land and excel! They live in close quarters together for a time to save money and get ahead. So two families may move together and live together here. All able-bodied individuals work and the money made is shared with the cluster. Each family helps the other get ahead and they slowly bring in more families as others advance.

    This just proves that we are better together. We were created to be a part of a pair that would have the ability to increase it’s nunber and the. They would all work together and look out for each other. We also call this a family!

    I remember the crew I had in junior high, high school and college. Then I had a different group of professionals when I entered the workforce. As far back as I can recall, I have never existed without a crew. And all of my groups were successful. How about you my friends? Do you have a crew? Do you support your crew? Is your group successful? Can you rely on them? These are very important questions if you plan to get by with a little help from your friends!

  • How powerful is the will of God … in your life?

    If the question is asked to the average Christian regarding the power of the will of God unanimously they would say, “it is all powerful” or something to that effect. They would say, “who can resist the power of God?”

    Those are all great answers, but now the question of the power of the will of God focuses on your life. You see, on it’s own merit God’s will is as powerful as He is, but since God doesn’t make us do His will, it’s up to our own understanding as to how powerful it would be in our lives.

    So when the bible reveals God’s will to us, how do we respond? For example, Eph. 5:22 tells wives to submit themselves to their own husbands in everything. But what if he is a cheater?

    What if he is an abuser? What if he is mean? The text does not add a condition to this command, but God allows you the choice to select who you want to be married to. So now how powerful is God’s will?

    Continuing in the same Ephesians text it says for the husband to love his wife the same way Christ loved the church. Again it doesn’t give a condition that negates the command if she doesn’t act the way you want her to.

    What about helping people? Would you help a fellow Christian just because he was a Christian or does he or she have to be extremely close to you for you to help?

    When is the last time you gave of your time and means for a Christian you really didn’t know?

    Maybe the world has a hard time seeing Jesus because his followers are not reflecting the love they are experiencing from Him.

    Our world is in troubled times where what God says doesn’t seem to matter much. But if the only way the world will see it and understand it is if it is modeled by Christ’s followers then we may be in big trouble!

  • Truth telling: Before politics makes you disinterested

    Every now and again I like to expound on the political climate. After all, being a true independent I feel obligated to call out both sides of the aisle as our government is to be blamed for the condition of Liberty’s kids.

    Democratic candidates stumble over each other trying to convince portions of Americans that they would be better than the status quo. No different than three years ago when the Republican candidates did the same thing. We now know they lied — just like the current group is lying. If democracy is defined as the have nots hoping that the haves will show mercy each year then what nation would want democracy?

    An argument could be made for a dictatorship. The reason is simple: A dictatorship is one guy and his regime, but you cut the head off and it’s over. In a democracy, particularly ours, you have to deal with the full government of 435 in Congress and then an executive branch who are all wealthy, beneficiaries of a system that oppresses people and does not work for everyone.

    But the point of this blog is to point out the obvious lies and give the truth where applicable.

    First truth: Our president committed crimes. Say that in any other decade and he would immediately be impeached — whether it was in an election cycle or not.

    Second truth: The media is biased and their reporting is not helping hand, it flat out stinks! The media is too busy lashing back at the president to report useful informaton to the republic for which it stands. They would do better to review what Ben Franklin and his brother had in mind when they invisioned the media.

    Lastly, healthcare is what Dems would let you believe is the biggest issue but it is not. Here are issues that are more important: Income inequality, justice reform and prison reform. Look these up and see how many people they effect and don’t forget the families of the folks dealing with the justice system.

    You see, half the healthcare problem is that consumers are half the blame. There are just some things we should not be eating because it is unhealthy and leads to obesity and many other health problems. You know, meat, dairy and processed foods to start.

    I’m just trying to make you aware. The three I mentioned are not controlled by the people they effect.

    This needed to be said.

  • Being emotionally aware of emotional poverty

    Being emotionally aware of emotional poverty

    It seems that uncontrollable outbursts would be embarrassing, but for some it is absolutely not embarrassing! Some people could care less how they are viewed by others so as a result they show out anytime someone does something they don’t like.

    These are the type of people who would get loud in a crowded restaurant or in another place of business because someone crossed them. They would have an outburst in church (if they went regularly).

    Grocery stores, department stores or any heavily populated place would not escape this disruption. You see the more the people the greater the show — and someone emotionally disturbed would not want to disappoint a good crowd.

    Emotional poverty is when you are unable to handle life’s challenges without self destruction. You may have seen people at work who you avoid because you know that if you get into it with them it would be ugly. It’s the person that could take you to that emotional destructive place you used to go to back in the day.

    People respond to pressure a number of different ways. Sometimes they react and don’t understand how or why they took things so far. By the time they realize they went too far, it’s too late. The solution is not as easy as you think. The emotionally poor need response help from someone who is the opposite. To move forward they need a mentor or good friend who can help them model better behavior — I call it loaning them some scratch!

    It’s not enough to just be aware of bad behavior, but take responsibility for those we love who suffer from emotional poverty. I am my brother’s keeper!

  • Forever chasing nothing

    Forever chasing nothing

    As a nation, we pride ourselves as being an advanced culture with highly intelligent people and as having the best of everything — pound for pound — the world has to offer. Sadly, I struggle to find anything we do as signficant to mankind.

    Now this is not a bash America blog! I used to say I love America but like many I could not tell you why. It was my only frame of reference so I loved what I knew. I assumed that people in government were looking out for the little man — looking out as defined as making laws and provisions for the little man to grow and develop into something more, not throw him a bone and keep him dumb.

    There was a study done in the 90s with 21k people across 7 nations to test there literacy. The study covered more than 30 tasks over a 45 minute span. The test takers were between the ages of 16 to 25 and the specific items on the test dealt with reading comprehension, following directions, reading maps, completing job applications etc. — things you would need to function and thrive in every day life. The results were astonishing (see table below). There were level grades from 1 to 5 where a 4 or 5 was pretty high functioning and of course a 1 was struggling. Sweden’s population of that age group were the brightest with more than 40 percent functioning at the highest levels. Only 18 percent of Americans at that age range preformed as well as the Swedes.

    What does that mean you ask? Well other than the obvious, it seems that the study has also proven that higher functioning was related to higher wages. When France talks about job creation and the US talks about it, those are two totally different conversations. France is only talking about a living wage where you can take care of a family with a modest living. In the US, we say a job is a job — better than not having one.

    Today we are in a literacy crisis. No one should be surprised about this but I don’t think we understand the effects.

     

    • More than 30 million adults in the United States cannot read, write, or complete basic math above a third-grade level. —  Proliteracy
    • Children whose parents have low literacy levels have a 72 percent chance of being at the lowest reading levels themselves. These children are more likely to get poor grades, display behavioral problems, have high absentee rates, repeat school years, or drop out. — National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER)
    • 75 percent of state prison inmates did not complete high school or can be classified as low literate. — Rand Report: Evaluating the Effectiveness of Correctional Education
    • Low literacy is said to be connected to over $230 billion a year in health care costs because almost half of Americans cannot read well enough to comprehend health information, incurring higher costs. — American Journal of Public Health

    Our problem: Politics. We constantly elect people who can not relate to the problems of the average American and they could care less about those problems. It doesn’t even matter what political party you belong to — both parties have failed the little man.

    It seems that we have disfellowshipped the word demand because we don’t demand anything — nothing of ourselves and nothing from those who rule the world. So we sit and take it — you live your life paycheck to paycheck and die in a sea of debt. In our country they tell you that you have the right to pursue happiness, they just forgot to tell you it was nearly impossible to catch.

  • Whose team is it anyway???

    Whose team is it anyway???

    You ever been on a team with less than faithful team members?

    Then you have members that challenge every direction you try to take the group and the really sad part is they never have an alternative and all it seems they want to do is veto your direction.

    Clearly the group is not on the same page and can’t be because some have already decided that they don’t like you. So that means anything you like, they hate. Anything you think is good, they think it’s bad.

    If we could freeze time in place we could go backwards and start looking at where things went wrong. Where did the misunderstanding begin? What made teammates keep records of wrongdoing or maintain a level of unforgiveness? When did the overall mission of the team get scrapped for personal reasons?

    Personal reasons. Oh what a sense of entitlement it takes for one persons view to go before or ahead of the mass group.

    Personal vendettas. Why in the world would someone get so entangled with revenge that you can’t see the bigger picture?

    You have to ask yourself would you rather see something destroyed before you will allow someone else to get credit? Would you choose to tear up something just because you can?

    Would you be petty enough to destroy the lives of many to pay back a few?

    Ok. I’m done asking questions but the leadership qualities were definitely not handed out to everyone and many are in positions of leadership who don’t belong. There is no speaking the truth in love nor forgetting the past to move on to a better future.

    A bad seed in a group is like mold on fruit — it reaches a point where it can not come back from mold so it must be cut off. So instead of wondering if you have the knowledge to be a great leader, ask yourself do you have the gall to cut away the mold for the sake of the fruit. Or will you just leave the whole thing and allow it to rot the whole thing??