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  • Your love of tennis means nothing

    It seems in these trying times we live in that it is getting more difficult to navigate our relationships. One would think that we all needed therapy as sometimes it seems that we can’t do anything right.

    Either we are not working together or we’re going in two different directions. Or we are being to critical or not critical enough. We are too self-fish, too demanding, too righteous, too lazy … well you get the picture. I want to share a concept with you that may shine some light on how we are supposed to get along and how we can gravitate toward the positive and benefit both parties — and we do this with tennis.

    Now I’m not asking you to go play or watch tennis. What I want to do is borrow a few concepts to make a point.Imagine your troubled relationship as a doubles team in tennis. To play doubles in tennis you have to know a little bit about the strengths and weaknesses of your partner. Not only do you have to know them, but you have to use their strengths and protect their weakness. Did you catch that? I said you must use their strengths and protect their weaknesses.

    Some tennis players are slow moving to their weak side. Others might have a strong right hand, but a horrible back hand. When you learn these weaknesses and strengths you are able to set up your partner in a way that they are going to look like a pro. So if my partner is not as strong going to her left, guess who will play on her left side? You got it. Now, if I don’t play on her left side once I figure out that this is a weakness for her, shame on me!

    If my partner has a strong right hand, then my job when I serve is to place the ball so that when it returns, it comes to her right side. Of course, it’s impossible to make this happen every single time, but you can manipulate that serve enough that it happens more than enough to win.

    Why would I want to do that you ask? Well if I view my partner as truly being my partner, I have her best interest in mind. If you are not sure of this, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your partner and see if she or he feels that you hold their best interest. What a wonderful opportunity life provides if the significant other feels that you don’t have their best interest. Take this challenge and honor your mate by letting him or her know that you admire their strengths and you promise to protect their weaknesses. Humility will make them say it back to you. Where as love means absolutely nothing in tennis, it means everything in true relationships.

    Tennis anyone?

  • The whole equals the sum of it’s parts?

    In some instances the whole does equal the sum of it’s parts. But there are other instances when the whole is either greater or less than the sum of it’s parts. Why does this matter, you ask? Well, to fully understand the scope of any relationship it’s important to know what each participant in the relationship believes about the whole.

    Aristotle is first credited with saying the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts. In theories of proximity the whole is equal to the sum. In relativity, Einstein is credited for saying the whole is less than the sum of it’s parts. His logic was that the sums are greater by themselves than they are with a whole. Think for instance about the Miami Heat. LeBron James makes less money being one of the stars as opposed to being “the” star. As an individual he is worth more than he is playing with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh.

    So when it comes to relationships, there are some people who believe that the whole is greater than the sum. There are others who believe that the whole and the parts are equal. And still others who think that the whole is far less than the sum of the parts. If you are in a fulfilling relationship then it makes sense for you to believe that the whole is bigger than the sum of the parts because you and your mate both contribute to the relationship and sacrifice to make it work — for the greater good (the whole).

    Someone in a not so good relationship may feel that the whole is not worth the parts. Many who have gotten divorced have already arrived at this conclusion. If you have a lazy partner, or one who does not handle his or her business affairs properly, it makes it difficult to keep focused on the big picture (the whole). If you are the one that handles everything, makes all the money, takes responsibility, manages all the problems and you view your partner as simply another mouth to feed, then your whole is definitely less than.

    If you have recovered from a bad relationship and are on the rebound, you are now looking for balance in your life and relationships. You now begin to search for a relationship that will be equal to the sum of it’s parts. This new relationship is where the parts are “equally yolked” and you see your partner as an equal partner working in concert with you. You two are like-minded in thought and action and you share the same values.

    We find ourselves in various types of relationships. Right or wrong should be determined by the views of both parties in the relationship. If you are struggling in a relationship, I encourage you to seek counseling. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED CAN BE FIXED, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO FIX IT. All fixes take time. And if you both have a desire to allow the whole to be greater than the sum of it’s parts, then commit to making it work and seek professional help now.

  • Your relationship with God is the one you wanted!

    The very first division of Psalms says something to the affect of: “Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seats of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord and he meditates on it day and night.”

    Then the texts begins a simile describing how this person is like a tree planted by water. It continues to grow and never needs anything as it has been planted in a place where all its needs are met (Ps. 1:3). The idea is that our knowledge of God has a huge factor in determining whether or not we have a strong relationship with him.

    When we think of any relationship, we know it takes time to develop. The relationship between a mother and baby takes time and continues throughout each ones life. That baby grows in his relationship with his mother as he begins to learn who she is, what she does and how she acts. After a while, no one could tell that child anything about his mother that he hasn’t already experienced. He knows his mother as a great source of help, encouragement, love, care and the like. You cannot tell a young child anything negative about his parent once he has truly gotten to know that parent.

    Think about your relationship with your own children if you have them. My children are old enough to have formed their own opinions about me long ago. If someone told them that I was a “dead-beat dad” they would be offended, categorically deny it and probably start fighting if the conversation continued (well, hopefully not fight, but you get what I mean). Over time, my relationship with my children has developed to the point where I am their source for everything!

    I’ve been God-like to them. The whole point is that as they know me as their “father”, it’s easier for them to understand the concept of God being their “Father in heaven.” I believe that a dad’s job is to build a relationship with his children that will allow them to understand some things about God. That means the dad has to be loving, giving, have self control, long suffering, nurturing, trustworthy and knowledgeable. Children should see their dad faithful to them, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. The dad has to be as good of a provider as his faith is to God. His children’s needs should be met — this doesn’t require every father to be rich, but it does require him to provide a living to secure his household or be the “house band” (this concept is where we get our word “husband”). Until he is able to do that, he should not marry or have children.

    How can you as a dad or mom or anyone profess faith in God without knowing him? The relationship built between a parent and child should mirror the parent’s relationship with God.

    “He is faithful to me, so I will be faithful to my children.”

    “He provides for me, so I will provide for my children.”

    “He is there when I need him, so I will be there when my children need me.”

    “He loves me unconditionally, so I will love my children unconditionally.”

    Since our God doesn’t turn us away, our relationship with Him is what WE made it. So how is that working for you?

  • Lose all those guilty stains!

    Don’t you just hate the feeling of guilt? It’s those times when you know you’re wrong and the need to fix it becomes the largest problem. After all, who wants to be wrong?

    Guilt only comes when we’ve learned better, but don’t put into practice what we’ve learned. We then do something with our eyes wide open. We knew better, but either lust, revenge, anger, fear or some other vice held us captive. We were literally drawn away by our own lusts and enticed which is what lead to the sin.

    One of the reasons Jesus died on the cross for us was that he wanted us to see that there is another way. He wanted us to know that we have options and he didn’t want us held hostage any longer by sin. The real problem is that many don’t know they are free.

    Zacchaeus was small in stature, but had a reputation much taller than he was. Zacchaeus was a chief tax collector of sorts. A rich man who must have heard about the choice because when Jesus came near him, he was seeking to find out who Jesus was and get to know him for who he was (Luke 19:1-10). So this little man climbed up a sycamore tree to see Jesus because the crowd around him was larger than his height would allow.

    Clearly because of Zacchaeus’ desire, Jesus came to him and said I’m having dinner with you today. Zacchaeus was happy to oblige and during their fellowship, Zacchaeus was pricked in his heart and told the Lord that he would gladly repay fourfold for anyone he had taken advantage of. Isn’t that interesting? We don’t read where the day before this incident that Zacchaeus was contemplating turning over a new leaf. Yet something about being in the very presence of the Lord made this man want to change.

    Dear reader, since we know that nothing is hidden from God, why are we not moved about being in his presence like Zacchaeus? The interesting part is that Jesus did not have “all power in heaven and in earth” when he sat with Zacchaeus. However, each one of us met the resurrected Jesus when we became Christians. That same Jesus who was crucified has been made both Lord and Christ.

    So, if our all-powerful Lord watches over us and nothing can be hidden from him, then what’s our problem?

  • Why Jesus wept

    There have been many theories and sermons done on the topic of why Jesus wept. I believe that although many lessons can be extracted from the story, there is only one “real” reason why he wept.

    It was Jesus’ compassion for his friend Lazarus who had died. His family was weeping and his compassion moved him to tears.

    A question to ponder is why would Jesus weep over a situation that he had the power to change? I know, good question, right?

    Let’s look at this story closer. If you focus on Christ you will miss the point. Christ was all man and all God at the same time. So every now and then you see humanity seep out. But this does tells us a little something about compassion.

    When we are moved with compassion it makes it very difficult for us not to feel. To feel things like sorrow, sadness and grief. A person moved with compassion will always seek to make things better.

    Our world needs a few more criers. A few more people to actually care about a person’s well being instead of their own wealth. A person who is willing to look down at another man only to help him up.

    Compassion is God’s contribution to our fellowship. He wants us to care enough to cry with one another and help one another.

    So what are you waiting for?

  • Cleanliness is next to Godliness?

    So recently I got this question about where in the bible can you find “cleanliness is next to Godliness?” I had to laugh at my response because it was: “Oh that’s in Habakkuk 15:5!” (Look it up if you didn’t get the joke). This question lead me to thinking about cleanliness and how often I take showers.

    I can probably be considered a “clean freak” because in warm weather I average 1.5 showers per day (or one to two a day) and one a day when it’s cold. I do not like the “sticky feeling” nor do I like smells. It is a definite turnoff for me. I grew up in a household where I truly believe my mother created the word “clean”. She’s over the top with it and I’m her offspring.

    I have read much research on this phenomenon and it seems that some researchers can make a strong case for this being a psychological effect of slavery. You see, Blacks were considered dirty by Whites because of the color of their skin. This added a psychological effect to those dark complected because they never wanted to be considered dirty. So, we cleaned. Not just our bodies, but our dwelling places, our children, our cars — everything. And why not, we were doing it for others. To this day the word “dirty” carries a horrible connotation in the Black community. When you call someone dirty it’s not merely a word, but an adjective that goes beyond the person who was called it, straight to their entire generation! Dirty carries with it all the other words associated with it like stinky, stanky, nasty, funky and filthy. It’s a syllogistic compounded adjective as it carries multiple insults.

    With that said, I researched taking showers and bathing in particular to see if there were any medical benefits for doing it the way I do. What I found was interesting. There is no medical evidence that taking a shower every day is healthier. Taking daily showers is considered to be more social and aesthetic than healthy. It is said that the one a day showers are “somewhat unnecessary.” Our advancement as a country gave us more options than in other parts of the world. There are still people in other countries living in places that don’t have indoor plumbing, laundry facilities or multiple bathrooms. Cultural shifts in our society along with the stigma associated with bad odor, religious beliefs, clean water, climate and lifestyle are all key factors in moving showers higher on the list of important things in America.

    There is also information stating that there are skin diseases and other things that make bathing a necessity. However, some US researchers at the University of Colorado did a study and found that “pathogens which occur naturally at low levels in water supplies can accumulate in high concentrations in ‘biofilms’ inside shower heads, meaning that every time you turn on the water, you’re getting a facefull of nastiness”. The pathogen is linked to pulmonary disease and is called Mycobacterium avium. They recommend buying a steel shower head.

    On a lighter note, Australians are considered the cleanest people on earth because a study showed that people there take showers more frequently than any other group in the civilized world. Sixty-two percent of the folks there shower everyday; 29 percent shower twice a day; and nine percent shower three or more times a day. These figures mean that no Australian goes more than a day without taking a shower. And yes, we were included in this study and before you try to make an argument, take a bus or train ride or just spend some time in close quarters with your fellow Americans. You won’t ever want to eat another Whopper again!

    It is good to know that there is cleanliness “down under”!

  • The Change has come!

    So I was reading the bible the other day and pondering the words in 1 John 3:2. Now before I go into what it says I need to set the stage a bit.

    Occasionally in hospice I come across some veterans and have the esteem pleasure of talking with them. We discuss many things, but I particularly like it when they feel like discussing the war. I’ve never been to war, but I admire those who fight for our freedoms. Most vets have a difficult time adjusting to life here in the states after experiencing war. I don’t think we will ever know the fullness of their  experiences no matter how many stories we hear.

    There is something about war that once you experience it, your life is forever changed. There is much blood shed, death, and the loss of close friends. War surrounds you with sadness and pain. Those who are fortunate enough to make it home have some horrible images burned in their minds. This is probably the worst thing you can experience in this life — to be surrounded by enemies who want you dead, while watching your comrades fall and narrowly escaping yourself.

    I wonder how much the human side of Jesus was bothered by this? Christ being 100 percent man and 100 percent God knew things that other men didn’t. When you consider this, Jesus knew that the very men he chose as apostles would all die horrible deaths (except John) and would be in a state of turmoil for the rest of their lives after meeting him. Jesus’ apostles were surrounded by enemies who wanted to introduce them to tragedy. They were well aware of the stoning of Stephen (acts 7) and all had their fair share of beatings and imprisonment. Their lives were forever changed after meeting Jesus.

    Now back to 1 John 3. This text says, ” Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is” KJV. Seeing Christ now would be to experience the fullness of the Godhead bodily and when he returns, that is exactly who we will see. But for those of us who have really experienced the wonderment of Jesus Christ and the freedom that comes with that experience, have had our lives changed forever.

    We were dead and now we’re alive. There was blood shed and death here too and God be thanked for that! We live a life surrounded by sadness and pain, but Jesus fixed that! The hallelujah part of this is that as we continue to experience and learn of him, the end result is our change into his image. 2 Cor. 3:18 says it this way: “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord” KJV.

    Dear friends let’s lead everyone we come in contact with toward the source of our happiness and the Joy in our hearts! To God be the glory!

  • Cry baby

    Have you ever seen an adult act like a kid? I mean really act like a kid. You know the type of people I’m talking about. They pout, throw fits, take their balls and go home…everything seems to be about them.

    Their behavior is not an accident. They have a wounded inner child.

    When our inner child is wounded it means that something happened in the past that never really got resolved.  Some may be living with the trauma of child molestation, child abuse (physical and/or verbal), sexual abuse / assault (normally by a blood relative), witnessing abuse, or worse.  Normally, they didn’t get enough attention when they were younger so they are starved for that attention now. No one ever let them know that they mattered or that they were loved. The people who were supposed to fulfill those roles in their lives let them down and now they have a different view of the world. These folks are broken.

    That doesn’t excuse the behavior but it should clear things up a bit. People are living their lives carrying burdens that they don’t know how to get rid of. As a result, these folks act like control freaks, liars or slanderers.  They can act bossy, be jealous or depressed and in most cases they’re over weight. These people drive our kids to school, work with us, fix our cars, serve our food and even run our cities — they’re everywhere!

    Until they seek counseling to help with the healing, they are destined to a life of bad relationships, bad blood and negative behaviors. Every household they have will be divided, every relationship in turmoil and they will be bitter and angry.

    I speak of this simply because these people will act out at any time and it doesn’t have anything to do with their current condition. Three things you need to do to cope with these people are: 1) Pray for them regularly. God has a wonderful way of working out the impossible. 2) Have an extra dose of patience and understanding toward them. This should not be difficult unless … you are one of them. 3) Be very direct with them. These folks are not capable of having a real relationship or true friendship in this condition. Encourage them and be honest with them. Love them enough to speak the truth to them. When all else fails, go back to number one.

  • I love you

    We’re in a fight!

    It really starts with the spiritual warfare within, but it’s most commonly seen manifested in the flesh. Hate is going around breaking hearts and it’s out of control. Hate is the fire in our society that burns everything. In its path are charred remains of hurt people, broken lives, the walking dead. Clearly hurt people will . . . hurt people. And this hate has a platform. All you have to do is turn on the news or read the latest headlines. The media will tell you that if it bleeds it leads. They actually believe that we want to see that junk. The truth is that misery loves company and there are actually viewers out there who would rather watch someone else’s tragedy than their own. So we watch and we’re thankful that it’s not us — at least not yet.

    God gave us a trump card for hate. You guessed it, it’s love. And as powerful as you see hate displayed, I’m telling you love is a hundred times stronger. Just as Superman has his kryptonite, hate hates to see love come calling. And oh boy when it does … You see hate knows it can’t do anything with love. Just as light chases darkness out of a room so can love manhandle hate.

    God chose not to give love a platform and for good reason. The more hate uses its platform, the weaker it gets. People get in a state of apathy and become desensitized. It no longer has the shock and awe that it used to have. Love on the other hand was always intended to be shared through word of mouth. No big advertising campaigns, no media blitz, just someone who cares shows up in the midst of your rage, pierces in your eyes as to look directly into your soul and says, “I love you”.

    I love you! I love you! I love you! And you can’t do anything about it! I love you not for what you have done, nor for what you have. I don’t love you because you deserve it or because of what you think you’ve done. I love you because God first loved me!

  • Count it all JOY

    I work in a place that surrounds me with death. Not in the morgue or the ER and I’m not a grave-digger or a funeral director; I work in hospice.

    These groups have a lot in common, but I want to talk about one fundamental difference. In hospice we meet families on the brink of a major tragedy: Someone close to them is dying.

    How is it possible to “count it all joy” when someone signs on to Hospice?

    To count it all joy is to understand what God intended for us to bring to each calamity. As the flesh brings destruction, the spirit is supposed to bring joy.  That joy is not limited to the expectation of eternity, which is awesome in and of itself!  Those who are left after the trial have been placed in a unique position: They can either sit and have a pity party or they can share their story with someone who’s going through a similar trial.

    You see, we are allowed the experiences we have for the purpose of growth. Not just growth for us, but for everyone in our scope of influence. We need growth. We need both good and bad experiences. We need to share our stories.

    I remember last Mother’s Day, talking to a friend of mine who buried her mother the previous year. I asked how she was doing and she said, “not good.” I asked what she was experiencing and she just looked at me with tears in her eyes and gave me a big, long hug. Afterwards she asked me a favor.

    She said, “will you go and give that hug to your mom and tell her you love her and thank her for being your mom?” She said that she only wished that she could do that for her mom one more time.

    Boy, I saw motherhood in a different light that day. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate my mom, in fact we are a very loving family. However, sometimes even though we assume a person knows how we feel, it’s always a good practice to let them know … and let them know often.

    I did exactly what my friend asked me and I don’t want to spoil the results for you. Please go to whoever is special in your life and hug them as if it will be the last time. And then let them know how special they are to you.

    It will change the way you see the world.