ClydeStyle

Category: Uncategorized

  • Who’s journey is it anyway?

    A journey is a voyage or the act of traveling or working. The word is used as both the noun and the verb so this word is quite descriptive.

    So discovering your journey or living out your journey is to move us from one place to another. We can go from being clumsy to graceful. We can go from ignorant to enlightened or we can just go from Albany to Buffalo — either way we are moving with a purpose.

    Now comes the New Year and we reflect of the past journey as a gage for how the new journey in the new year will proceed. We make plans, research, and plot a course for success. We make no room for life to happen on our journey. So we are easily derailed by death or the loss of something. Health challenges and relationship changes effect our journey in a mighty way.

    The ultimate question is how do we know if we’re doing what we were meant to do? I mean if life can so easily beset us, does that mean that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing unless tragedy strikes and then I’m excused?

    I believe the key is forward motion. In life we need to be constantly moving forward. The pace may change due to life’s challenges but forward is the constant, not a variable. Then the meaning of life is simple: How many hits can you take and keep moving forward? We are in pursuit of our destiny and when you make it from one year to the next it’s a blessing.

    You made the cut and you get to advance another year. Make the most of the year. It goes by so fast and when we realize the speed we’re traveling, summer is almost over. Strive to be the best version of yourself as you tackle life. You want to grab all that you can as you move forward. The gratitude and celebration is in the moving or how you negotiate the journey. Be strong and enjoy the ride!

  • Don’t say it; because you are better than that!

    In the book of James in the bible he talks in chapter 3 about taming the tongue.

    James compares the tongue to the govenor that controls a ship and the bit that bridles the horse. Both when used properly are for the purposes of controlling the whole.

    He also says the tongue is fire and if not controlled it would burn and destroy. The instrument used to control has been misused for retaliation. The biggest problem with retaliation is that it always hits the people that are closest to us.

    How many arguments have you had with people you have professed to love that ended badly because somebody made an out of bounds comment that was clearly meant to hurt the person?

    Sadly, the closest people to us are the ones that we know the most about. They have been vulnerable with us. They trust us with some very intimate things. We then turn around in our selfishness and unload hate at the ones we love.

    Selfishness is the reason we respond that way. Selfishness is the actual thing that needs controlling and God gave us the tongue to do that. All of our good, bad and ugly gets distributed throughout our whole bodies and before it leaves our temple it rests on our tongue. It’s at this moment that we are crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20).

  • Living in the land of opposites: Nothing is as it seems

    Have you noticed how it seems that everything we name as a country ends up doing the opposite of what it’s supposed to do?

    I mean we live in a democracy but have had very few years of functioning that way. We have made many promises, but rarely keep them. We use all the talking points, musical lyrics and signage of a great country — land of the free and home of the brave — and the beautiful eagle that is prominently displayed all over the place. But for what?

    Our healthcare is everything but care. Rated by the World Heath Organization as the 37th ( May 10, 2019) overall (let it sink in that 36 other countries have better healthcare than we do), ours is far too high, too restrictive, and treats symptoms instead of underlining causes. Most families will have a healthcare scare and be thrusted into debt over it. So why is it called healthcare? It makes it seem like the system cares for our health. But …

    The psychology of minimum wage was never a good plan. It was put in place years ago by the greedy to find the least amount they would have to pay. So when jobs are created have you ever wondered why they never go into depth about the type of jobs that were created? They just needed a bottomline. Minimum wage is that bottom line. What if we changed the name to maximum wage and we pay the greatest amount we could afford to pay. This would not only increase wages instantly, but it would be based on industry which makes a huge difference.

    For example, Gilligan’s island was a sitcom from the 60s. All but two of the cast members are deceased. The creator of the series (who of course was not the talent) made 90 million on the reruns. The actors made nothing and you can still find this show on TV. There were 7 main characters. Could a deal have been made for the talent to get residuals?

    In 2008 when the economy tanked we did an auto industry bailout, but it didn’t bailout all of the retired folks who gave 30 to 40 years of their life only to have their pensions take a hit — they should have been bailed out first.

    And then there is the justice system. In our country it only matters what you can prove. Truth is an afterthought. Our justice system is set up for the rich. If you can afford a good lawyer, you can get out of just about anything. Why would we call it the “justice” system and not the “privileged” system because that’s who it serves.

    I could name 7 more things like this but in the interest of ending on a positive note, I just simply want to bring awareness to these conditions in order for my readers to make them talking points for the Democrats who are seeking the white house. We can have a far better country!

  • Western civilization is overrun by fear

    President Franklin Roosevelt said that there is nothing to fear, but fear itself. I’m here to tell you that fear itself is more than enough.

    Before bias there was fear. Before racism there was fear. Before we began to blame each other, there was fear and before my hate crime, there was fear.

    Fear has been the catalyst for misunderstanding, anxiety, false narratives, fake news and all the name calling we hear out of Washingron DC.

    Fear makes everything worse. During Roosevelt’s time America was afraid of the struggling economy and began pulling their funds out of the banks which made the problem worse. Roosevelt was basically telling America that it was their fear that was fueling their behavior and that it is making an already troubled economy worse.

    Fear has always been at the scene of every crime that kills unity and drives us further apart. As a country we are divided and that is because we fear what we don’t know of each other. Our anxiety is escalated because we believe the “other” person has ill feelings toward us.

    When generations fear something it invites the cancer (fear) into every new community to come afterwards and then they repeat the mistakes of the previous group.

    History continues to warn us through cycle after cycle and then it repeats. We’re still stumbling over the same parts. What’s wrong with us?!?

    We are afraid.

    There is no massive fix for this. The solution is individual and each American is called to answer the same question: What are we afraid of?

    I must deal with my own fears. I must be the director of my path and not allow the person God made me to be controlled by what I can’t see. We are a nation under God who is afraid. That should be an oxymoron, but instead it’s truth.

    Will you take responsibility for your own fear?

  • How powerful is the will of God … in your life?

    If the question is asked to the average Christian regarding the power of the will of God unanimously they would say, “it is all powerful” or something to that effect. They would say, “who can resist the power of God?”

    Those are all great answers, but now the question of the power of the will of God focuses on your life. You see, on it’s own merit God’s will is as powerful as He is, but since God doesn’t make us do His will, it’s up to our own understanding as to how powerful it would be in our lives.

    So when the bible reveals God’s will to us, how do we respond? For example, Eph. 5:22 tells wives to submit themselves to their own husbands in everything. But what if he is a cheater?

    What if he is an abuser? What if he is mean? The text does not add a condition to this command, but God allows you the choice to select who you want to be married to. So now how powerful is God’s will?

    Continuing in the same Ephesians text it says for the husband to love his wife the same way Christ loved the church. Again it doesn’t give a condition that negates the command if she doesn’t act the way you want her to.

    What about helping people? Would you help a fellow Christian just because he was a Christian or does he or she have to be extremely close to you for you to help?

    When is the last time you gave of your time and means for a Christian you really didn’t know?

    Maybe the world has a hard time seeing Jesus because his followers are not reflecting the love they are experiencing from Him.

    Our world is in troubled times where what God says doesn’t seem to matter much. But if the only way the world will see it and understand it is if it is modeled by Christ’s followers then we may be in big trouble!

  • Truth telling: Before politics makes you disinterested

    Every now and again I like to expound on the political climate. After all, being a true independent I feel obligated to call out both sides of the aisle as our government is to be blamed for the condition of Liberty’s kids.

    Democratic candidates stumble over each other trying to convince portions of Americans that they would be better than the status quo. No different than three years ago when the Republican candidates did the same thing. We now know they lied — just like the current group is lying. If democracy is defined as the have nots hoping that the haves will show mercy each year then what nation would want democracy?

    An argument could be made for a dictatorship. The reason is simple: A dictatorship is one guy and his regime, but you cut the head off and it’s over. In a democracy, particularly ours, you have to deal with the full government of 435 in Congress and then an executive branch who are all wealthy, beneficiaries of a system that oppresses people and does not work for everyone.

    But the point of this blog is to point out the obvious lies and give the truth where applicable.

    First truth: Our president committed crimes. Say that in any other decade and he would immediately be impeached — whether it was in an election cycle or not.

    Second truth: The media is biased and their reporting is not helping hand, it flat out stinks! The media is too busy lashing back at the president to report useful informaton to the republic for which it stands. They would do better to review what Ben Franklin and his brother had in mind when they invisioned the media.

    Lastly, healthcare is what Dems would let you believe is the biggest issue but it is not. Here are issues that are more important: Income inequality, justice reform and prison reform. Look these up and see how many people they effect and don’t forget the families of the folks dealing with the justice system.

    You see, half the healthcare problem is that consumers are half the blame. There are just some things we should not be eating because it is unhealthy and leads to obesity and many other health problems. You know, meat, dairy and processed foods to start.

    I’m just trying to make you aware. The three I mentioned are not controlled by the people they effect.

    This needed to be said.

  • Good resolution: Learn to be ok with saying no.

    One of the greatest lessons to learn for 2020 is to say no. Many people allow for circumstances and relationships to control them literally taking the power out of their hands.

    Some of us have a need to feel needed that although we complain, we still agree to do whatever because it satisfies that feeling of neediness.

    Others are worried about what people will think of them if they say no. Still others believe they are so not worthy of anything better, will just do whatever is asked. These people can be “guilted” into agreeing to almost anything.

    So let’s make 2020 different. Below is a list of “no” responses. You can even add your own expletives but you need to hear yourself say no out loud. It’s even a good idea to record yourself saying no in various ways and listening to the playback. It will increase your courage. Give it a try!

    1) No

    2) Absolutely not

    3) No thank you

    4) Seriously, no

    5) I have decided not to invest my time in that

    6) Boy bye!

    7) Not going to happen

    8) I’m sure you will figure something else out

    9) Hell no!

    10) Ha ha ha ha ha!

  • Sunshine not to sunny for the bereaved

    A typical Saturday with temperatures in the mid-eighties and almost no breeze. No clouds, not a lot of humidity and the air is pure. This seems like perfect weather, but for the bereaved even in an environment this picturesque, the sadness is still overpowering.

    When you are grieving nothing feels right in your life anymore. It is like watching the world on VHS instead of blu-ray. It feels like everything has turned dull, nothing is sharp. But probably the most hurtful part of it is there is no quick fix. No pill, no replacement, no happiness. It really makes you feel lonely even when you’re in the midst of a crowd.

    Memories are supposed to help with this, but sometimes they make it worse.

    And then the thoughts …

    Sometimes you wish sadness on another person because you just want someone to join your misery. You seek understanding but you won’t give anyone an opportunity to hear you out. Jealousy and envy join in and make matters worse. Grieving can make a lottery winning sad.

    Time is the only thing that is with us and given the opportunity it will help. We’re in the process of relearning life without someone. It’s like you’ve been walking the same way for years and all of a sudden you can no longer walk that way.

    Broken things need to be replaced and narratives need to be rewritten and it needs to be done now.

    If you are suffering from depression related to grief or the loss of someone special, there is help. Email me and tell me all about it. We’ll figure this out together. Clydespeak@gmail.com

  • We made it!

    We made it!

    The new year is not yet 24 hours old as 2019 went out with a bang. This wasn’t merely the close of another year, but we are beginning a new decade that many did not get to see.

    Now is the challenge to create a plan for advancement and well being that has us living our best life in this new decade. For many, looking back 10 years brings mixed emotions as the ups and downs life hurls at you challenged us spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

    We made full use of all our emotions and unfortunately we brought hurt with us to this new decade. But we also brought love and hopefully honesty. We saluted those who left this life and we made stronger the relationships that matter.

    Now, we stare at the future with uncertainty and hope. The number one thing that everyone should have learned is that you got out of life whatever you put into it. If you sowed a lot of bad decisions, then sadly you reaped bad outcomes. Many stayed in relationships waaaaay too long and we put up with things that we should not have had to tolerate. Well, that does not have to happen in 2020. It is our job to implement correction. Clearly mark the learning curve and follow it to success. Life is nothing but a bunch of actions and reactions. Try to stay on the “actions” side as you will get more out of life that way.

    Another thing that should have been learned is that you always have a choice. You may not always like the choices but you always have a choice. Understanding this should keep you from feeling helpless. Play the hand you’re dealt so that new cards will keep coming. Stop hanging on to bad cards.

    And finally, we learned to be well. You cannot give yourself to someone else when you are broken. People will just pick out the pieces of you that they like and leave the rest. You will feel used, abused and confused. Allow yourself to rest and heal. Feed you body and your soul with good things and grow an environment around you that makes you so happy you want to dance! No one should dominate your life. Instead you should be sharing your life with someone who has proven they want to be in it.

    I am committed to making this a safe space for you so that healing, learning, laughter and honesty can take place. Happy New Year! This will be the decade you have been waiting for!

  • A life of reruns

    A life of reruns

    As we come to the close of 2019 have you noticed anything familiar in your relationships? Are you still attracting the same type of people? Are you still experiencing negative results from your interactions? Are you frustrated that you keep being misunderstood in your relationships? Well, I may be able to help you with that.

    I recently had a client that was having some parenting issues with her only child who is a teenage girl. The teenager constantly takes advantage of her mother’s generosity and when the young girl doesn’t return the same level of generosity to her mom, she gets really upset and petty. Petty to the point of making her daughter ride the bus to school instead of dropping her off like normal. Making her fix her own supper some nights and not allowing her to use the car — not even for work.

    The daughter then retaliates by shutting down communications with her mom and trying to shut her out of her life. When I met them the daughter was having trouble at school and the mother didn’t know why. All she knew was her grades were suffering as a result and the daughter would not give any explanations.

    The mother feared she might be bullied or in some kind of trouble but because of their in-home fighting, she has no clue of what’s going on.

    This is where good family therapy comes in. You see, most of the problems in this story are symptoms. The problem is not the daughters lack of generosity. And it definitely is not the sanctions the mother placed on the daughter. I could even argue that some of those sanctions could be standards. The problem rests in the question of why is the mom so generous?

    I say SO generous because her generosity creates an expectation on the subject of her generosity. In this case it’s her daughter, but it could be a spouse, coworkers or friends.

    Generosity is like charity, you shouldn’t expect something for it. I created a family genogram and discovered that the mother was raised with a mother who was very stingy. She coveted her personal items and would be very upset to suspect someone touched or went through her things. It made the mom feel like an outsider in her home.

    As she got older she would be very generous with her things as to not have people get the same feeling she was left with from her mom. So she began to “over give” and developed expectations from it. This effected all of her personal relationships because she could not believe that she kept meeting people who were selfish.

    A subsequent discussion about expectations revealed her true struggle and we were able to correct various behaviors that led to negative outcomes.

    Once we did this, she apologized to her daughter (which according to the daughter that was first time in her life) and the daughter apologized as well and then told the mom what was going on with her and working together they were able to fix things.

    So now I ask you: Are the expectations you place on others ruining your relationships? Do you believe that you have a right to expect some thing from someone else? What gave you that right?

    Is there another way to handle relationships that allow growth organically and not forced by another?

    There is a reason for the patterns you see in your life. Some are negative and positive but understand that you are the stimulus of the pattern and you don’t have to stay in reruns.